need a weed whacker, an outdoorsman, and a couple machetes to get through my pubes atp

time to take the bus to my fifth ten hour shift in five days

every time anyone says anything technical to me that is more advanced than "you put the yellow hdmi cord into the yellow hole" my brain starts shaking and getting really scared

you can introduce yourself to a million cishet people as isaac and all of them will assume your parents are weird before they think you’re just a guy

i love games where i can pick things up and put them in my pockets

true crime: the horrifying nightmare of police incompetence

i get so salty at this job i am a salt crusted slab of meat at the end of the day

signs of my dog aging signs of my dog aging signs of my dog aging

old men have never heard of headphones

Instagram, seeing if it can tempt me with The Pitt yaoi

once i had 600 followers on a niche microblogging website and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me i’m so happy to live in obscurity again

WANT ME!!!! WHERE ARE THE BUTCH LESBIANS WHO WANT MEEEEE

ope let me post on by ya

guys i love my new job sorry if this offends

i lived bitch

under communism we all get one (1) designer pussy assigned to us by the government

aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

few ideas have damaged the average psyche more than ‘the customer is always right.’ it should be a little bit humiliating, being a customer. you should walk into any service transaction knowing that the other person, and not you, is in control over whether you get your treats

i start my new job tomorrow aaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

me receiving direct orders from god (he's telling me to post about old men)

personally i think it would bring about world peace if greg davies let me sit on his face and then be his big spoon!!!! sorry if this offends!!!! but we could try it just to see!!!!!!

i’ve massacred an army of fruit flies and the remainder won’t get in the damn jar of vinegar and drown to death. this is how i accidentally create fruit fly super soldiers

i cleaned my house and got sweaty, you see this is what’s wrong with the world. even worse, no one applauded me and gave me a little treat.

this is just to say i have drank the wingstop ranch that was in the ice box and which you were probably saving for your wings forgive me it was delicious so savory and so creamy

god i love hotel hell (gordon ramsay in his speedo again)

blacked out at costco and bought giant pretzels

can’t believe james gunn is personally making me enjoy foxy shazam

can’t go back to mastodon i had an embarrassing crush once

Got my Ingrown Toenails Surgically Removed At Claire’s

can i lay my head on your belly and listen to your stomach go grjrbbbansnnnsnsndjjdjd

oh god i’m turning into my mother: falling asleep on the couch watching true crime

it’s crazy that a 13lb dog can just bully you into going to bed at 11:30pm

Fuck a website, give me a gas station bathroom and a sharpie

when people think all country music is bad and problematic… ☹️

it’s my last day at the only job i’ve ever really liked 😭

finally some cool news

booty shorts that say "ARE YOU MAD AT ME?"

banana pudding :)

everyone stream sucker supreme I wanna see something

everyone stream UTOPIA NOW! i wanna see something

i’ve been saying this

hate when you have to eat the ass out of the sandwich 😔

sorry for being a hater in public it’s just that i’m evil and my mom doesn’t love me

there’s something to be said about the most popular woman in the world being incredibly boring. if she never says anything of substance you’re free to project whatever meaning you want into her words even tho i’m pretty sure she just says exactly what she means with no hidden depth at all

vials of testosterone conspiring to take over my body and make me charge dildos to my credit card while i’m in some sort of fugue state

trans guy who believes in conspiracy theories: sigh... i wish my chest was flat, like the Earth...

adding “didn’t care for moodeng” to the list of reasons me and christine aren’t compatible and need to file our divorce papers 😔

if everyone leaves this website i will simply write my shitposts on tiny pieces of paper and leave them around the neighborhood

the inner workings of my mind are a mystery to me

week by week resisting the urge to horny post on the tl as the t takes over my body