Went to the beach. Wore a speedo and a caftan. Straights pointed and whispered to each other. One guy took a sneaky photo. I know a sneaky photo. Do not quote the old magic to me.

pictured: woody learning that buzz lightyear and jessie were at january 6

Cool I put my insurance on my credit card because I couldn’t afford it.

Dog shoots woman with shotgun at Nebraska convenience store

I think I’m in perimenopause I’m SOBBING at this episode of Hacks

Somebody just do it.

Me every time I meet a straight man.

Every time I take a bath my weird ass cat is DESPERATE to drink the hot bath water.

Carl and Donut, probably

I gooned too long last night.

I’ve been going to the gym for like 4 months (nothing crazy. Usually 2-3 times a week) and I just bought creatine like I’m a 22 yr old body builder. I’m capitalism’s greatest soldier.

Half Man coming out week to week is stressing me the fuck out.

I’m so pissed that Amazon made me buy a new kindle by disabling my old one that worked fine. If I read on my phone the kindle NEVER sees the new page number no matter how many times I sync. In fact my phone will try and sync back to the old page location my kindle is on

Halfway through my workout I wondered why everything was so hard and then I remembered today was supposed to be a rest day. I was here YESTERDAY. Am I becoming a gym bunny?

Y’all last night my kid and I were watching Survivor and for a challenge they had to spell “inconceivable” and I said “I before E except after C” and she thought I’d spoken an ancient incantation. I guess we don’t teach this anymore?

Dad’s trying to get back to working out.

Republicans are absolute ghouls

I feel like no one is talking about Margo’s Got Money Troubles and it’s genuinely so well done and so good. It to mention Nick Offerman is like the hottest man alive.

Gay rights

I’m on a leave from work right now and honestly the best part is I didn’t have any interactions today about May the Fourth and that feels like a huge win.

The biggest struggle in my life is that I’m so embarrassed at where I’ve landed. Like I’m a pretty smart and capable person (I think) and my life is such a stupid disaster. I’m not mad I’m just disappointed.

Unpopular opinion: when you post those NASA photos they spell your name not once have I been able to tell what it said

I’m watching Shameless for the first time and Kash is SOOOOOOO hot.

Hey um I’m kinda hword and lonely so let me know if you want to chat.

If this is a butthole I really hope he moisturizes. Like shea butter.

wasn't whose

Joe Exotic shouldn't be funny but he is. ITS ALL CORRUPT GIRL 🤣

Hey if you want to be my friend on HEVY join me! Just don’t look to close. I’m an old man who hasn’t worked out since before the pandemic. hevy.com/user/gaydad

It's honestly a surprise - considering the massive amounts of dollar spent on it - but the trailer for the HBO harry potter series looks like AI slop. It is *awful* (And that makes me happy)

I think we need to celebrate the death of Sora a bit more. This is a technology that, just MONTHS AGO, we were being told was going to literally destroy Hollywood and Disney was going to give them a BILLION DOLLARS and NONE OF THAT EVEN REMOTELY HAPPENED

I’ve had an awful day/ week and this is the only thing that brought me joy

So sad I never perused my dream of acting to be cast as the “ugly” version of myself on The Beauty.

Fork found in kitchen

This is what ICE looks like

summer olympics are about bulges and winter olympics are about asses and i won’t be explaining further

How do I rate the Bad Bunny Concert about America on letterboxed? It’s in my top 4

Benito is a threat b/c he makes art so alluring and enjoyable you want to understand everything about it and then you end up learning about sugar and slavery and colonialism and the Taínos and Hawaii and then you probably have some thoughts of your own, and that's why art is powerful and dangerous

“The only thing more powerful than hate is love.” MAGA wanted you to boycott this.

Gaga’s part should have been Rosalia. I’m sorry

Imagine watching this and not wanting to ABSOLUTELY live in this America? This is the best of what we have. This is joy and beauty and art. I can’t fathom watching this and rejecting it

I know they’re actors but I sort of hope this couple getting married is a real couple and this is their wedding.

Gays found dead.

Cute how I decided to eat beef stew while watching The Pit and that was terrible.

I went to a gay bar tonight. (It’s probably been like 3 or 4 years.) I don’t understand how to operate. Saw many cute guys. Do you just talk to them? How do you know if they think you’re cute? What it they’re like 20 years younger and you seem creepy? I have not learned these skills.

FINNEAS defends sister Billie Eilish amid online backlash over her anti-ICE comments at GRAMMYs: “Seeing a lot of very powerful old white men outraged about what my 24 year old sister said during her acceptance speech. We can literally see your names in the Epstein files.”

Me to my dad when he found the search history on the family computer

In Utah it’s elder

Started the Night Manger and in episode there was somewhat graphic. Heterosexual sex and I’m very liberal but I find that gross and hard to watch.