Just had the worst experience of my life at gay dodgeball. Never fucking again

Get your business cards out, this week the Sexistentialist is manning a convention booth in New Orleans

Wait so the new issue with Platner is that *checks notes* he sexted with a few women? 🥱

I have not been to the gym in forever, and I wonder if that's because i'm working full time, having a newborn at home, renovating my house and partying at the weekend, or if it's just because I'm lazy.

I wish we had a high camp, high fun TV show to watch, V style

Husband is dragging me yet again to a work bbq but I can't say anything because Saturday i'm going to another party and I need him to stay with Charlie so I can kiss Boston boys 👉👈

Down on your knees, Let me be your church

I was skeptical of these wooden houses, but God is it fun 🤩

If you're always a slut, you don't have to be a Pride slut

Wait. How does one spend $638,000 on mattresses?!?

Btw, Ariana's new single is AWFUL

First meeting of the week at 5:30 am on Monday is a JOY

I do blame you for the moonlit sky, AND the dream that died

We fully insulated the second floor (bedrooms) with sustainable wood bats from Maine and added a new base flooring to the Attic 🪚

Nobody wants to play Carcassone with me 😭

I'm going to my first Boston house party tonight, so i'm finally going to have an opinion on those Boston Gay Boys

Lizzo just really went and ruined Bitch. Like girl, if you buy such an iconic sample, use it well?

So. How do I reach a wider audience with my Substack?

I'm sorry, i do realize my bluesky timeline is... unpredictable

I have the coolest, multiple #fcf pic and I wonder if I should release it into the wild

BREAKING: Girls5Eva have pulled out of the America250 concert.

Jade & Lily Allen I am dying

Why didn't I know about Padma Lakshmi's new cooking competition?!?

Adele is baaaaaaaaack \o/

I have so much fucking work / projects / things to do but all I wanna do is lie down and get my dick sucked

My daughter where y'all wanna be

I whipped this one out real quick, but still, my crush for that hockey player is real 👉👈

It's almost 5pm and i have not written a single line for this week's Sexistentialist 😱 I woke up at 5, took care of Charlie, worked all morning, had a meeting with an architect, help G installing new floorboards in the attic, took more care of Charlie...

Well, i certainly slept better than i expected

Two weeks in and I'm back working my Tuesday gig at the local cinema, just in time to play this little gem of a movie. Don't miss it!

Been sick all night, took care of Charlie at 3am (hopefully she didn't get sick), and when my couch abated enough to fall back asleep, round 7, husband woke me up to help him with our construction delivery 🚚 So yes, I stood sleep-deprived on this jenga and passed those through the window 💦

I have such a huge cold I wanna curl up and die

Rain for the whole memorial day is homophobic

Any restaurant installing EV charging stations on its parking lot would do so much business Instead they put them at the dead end of a Kohls or Target wtf

Leaving the party early when I was making out with one of you (✨🥰) for 5h straight hours of driving under the rain and at night was certainly a choice

Well those were certainly choices

If God didn't want me pissing outside, She woulda built bathrooms near the EV Chargers 😇

It's so fucking early but i'm on my way to New York City ✨

You really should subscribe to The Sexistentialist for moments like this: "He nods when he walks past me, a quick “how are you?” with his eyes on the register, not quite looking at me. No wonder. The last time I saw him, he was in my living room, my load dripping from his lips." 👄 💦😈

Needed more excitement in my life so I decided to make fried plantains with tajin

This is so fucking Republican coded: "Hooters Says Bring the Kids" I think people are *insane* (and I write a sex column)

I'm sorry but how are you so unaware that you fall into an open manhole? 🕳️

I promised him I would never say anything, and technically that's true. I just wrote 1200 words about it. #TheMayor

Tonight's Sexistentialist newsletter is called "The Mayor". Yeah, you read that right.

Namely: i have now met Charlie's pediatrician and i wanna fuck him so baaaaaaaaad 🥵

HOUSTON WE HAVE A HUUUUUGE PROBLEM

How's my day going 🤭

I'd never date someone that works at Trader Joe's because I'd always be worried they were being paid to engage in conversation with me.

Today I need to write about sex and I'm not inspired at all