really need them to figure out the exact source of the diarrhea parasite stat, i'm DYING over here having to only eat cooked produce. i'm literally going to pass away if i can't eat a salad within the week. i've never craved a kale slop bowl as badly as i do right now

i keep thinking about sam neill's cows and pigs and the birds he was always feeding and them being like "but where is my strange friend who brings me treats today? why isn't he here?" and getting very sad

Horrible new bullshit from the sea every time. It’s never ‘oh we found a new pink fish that is so happy’ it’s always stuff like this, the crush-depth screw-headed dongwongler, and it’s got to have big long creepy bits. Sick of the ocean tbh.

one could make the argument that the goo goo dolls are the most springsteen-ass band to ever write 700 songs about blue collar yearning from a pretty boy in tight jeans completely dissastisfied with the totally fine place where he grew up. in this essay i will

today i have learned about Neil the Seal, a 1,000 lb elephant seal terrorizing a Tasmanian coastal town who just wants to gnaw on traffic cones, break fences, flop around and nap on people's lawns and i have been crying laughing at videos for the past half hour

Cast of Laocoön and his Sons (Roman version of a lost Greek original), 100BC-50AD

Y'all better remember to love that Danhausen.

holy shit lmao

TIL I am “getting Lands End ads and finding the clothes like…really cute” years old

don't even need to figure out how to watch the game because i can tell from the collective yells of joy and/or disappointment from my neighbors and the street what is going on

everyone knew you

i need all the bands i liked in high school to stop going on 25th anniversary tours please i don't have this much time to go to shows and also be reminded of my own mortality

having the weird experience where i'm having a sudden intrusive craving for a certain flavor or something, or like a memory of a smell or something that i know i want, but can't quite figure out exactly what it is. what IS this why does it happen

i love it when the clock strikes 10:30 every morning and the usual sites publish their 3 infuriating news stories that will drive all discourse today like zookeepers raising the enclosure's gate and letting the seals get into the day's bucket of chum

don’t mind me just having an existential crisis over devil wears Prada 2 over here

feeling pretty rudely and personally targeted by dorian electra's current persona of "dude i would have had a debilitating crush on over myspace or across the room at misshapes or whatever in 2006" www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtYG...

it's also the reason a sizable percentage of us still remember basic HTML

Freelancing is hard enough already, and inflation sucks. Defector is raising our base freelance rates by 20 percent. Great time to pitch us. Email me or [email protected]

You NEED to drop everything and watch Walter’s beautiful floppy ears in slow motion.

I’d like to file a formal complain against the horrible piano cover music that D*lta now blasts when you’re on the tarmac. Please I am only human I can’t take this many TSwift Muzak covers

reading reviews of the new Devil Wears Prada movie and already need to call my therapist without having even seen the film lol

reaching a point of gen z vs millennial discourse where i'm frankly confused bc so many of the gen z things are either just "things young people do" or "things millennials also did when they were 22"??????????

I froze strawbie puree into heart ice cubes so I can make myself cute matcha at home :)

Whatever you do,

look what i have GOT !!!! this maximalist gothic TREAT is available for PREORDER it has got LESBIAN VAMPIRES in it and also a number of BAD DECISIONS as well as many SEMICOLONS because that's how we ROLL bookshop.org/p/books/poss...

this unhinged fever dream, published in the Atlantic, of all places, gave me a little thrill i think i last felt when i first stumbled upon, i don't know, The Awl, or the prose poem NYMag ran 15 years ago about mosquitoes, or Qooking With Qream in The Hairpin www.theatlantic.com/magazine/202...

this is a hate crime I can’t believe I married someone who is against pasta with chicken parm

need to file for divorce because my Australian spouse is offended by the idea of chicken parm being served over spaghet instead of with fries

i love "oh sorry for freaking you out, i'm not crying, i just sneezed because allergies and now my mascara has been running for the past hour so i keep daubing at my eyes with a tissue" season

had somehow not heard any of the new Robyn but was just in my office cafeteria and what was unmistakably a Robyn song came on and it is indeed "Dopamine" and hot damn this song fucking whips ass, what a banger. i almost want to go to the clerb again

It's crazy to think that amid all the planets encircling all those stars, we probably live on the only one that has penguins or a lemonade that kills you

did not expect that i would be spending so much time tearing up over the moon and astronauts today and yet here we are

this was a really interesting read and now i can't stop thinking of other pieces of media that fit into this trope thereader.mitpress.mit.edu/backrooms-an...

I mostly don't think about it at all but there's a little part of me that thinks "one of us?" wherein "us" is "the people who kept online diaries at the turn of the century and just absolutely never used capital letters"

right now the astronauts are calling houston because the computer on the spaceship is running two instances of microsoft outlook and they can't figure out why. nasa is about to remote into the computer

why am i cryin at the rocketship

1) It's been half a decade since I left media and I still get the weirdest pitches in my personal email inbox 2) not sure when I got on the AARP mailing list but 3) regarding this headline and why Jon Hamm is happy about aging in Hollywood: he's a man, and he looks like Jon Hamm. hope this helps

Stop worrying about what YA books to let your kids read and let them sort it out with V C Andrews and cocaine era Stephen King as God intended

some sort of Basic Bitch gene has been activated in me and i now regrettably have turned "i love strawberry matcha lattes as a sweet treat" into my entire personality

credit monitoring agencies love to send you the scariest email of your life and then it's that your score dropped by 2 points this week because you bought a thing and the autopay is next week

Monday's Weather Rating: 9/10 WE ARE SO BACK!!! High temperatures reach the upper 60s later today with mostly sunny skies, amazingly comfortable dew points and a light breeze. It is time to be extremely outside. The vibes have skyrocketed!!!

i desperately want either a like 12-episode podcast, extremely longform article or feature length documentary about how exactly we got to this place where everything is gambling now, please someone make The Dream but about Polymarket instead of MLMs

I think my nail tech really, erm, nailed the vibe I wanted

It was believed in medieval times that hedgehogs had spikes so they could roll over fruit to carry home to their children, which is not true but is a really cute idea

some of us are some flavor of all three, you know

Need a mood boost? Watch the Pacific Northwest Ballet celebrate the Seattle Seahawks being in the Super Bowl

having a week of extreme burnout and stress and emotional overwhelm and just found out that my vacation flight next week is probably cancelled because of an airline strike and look: good for the workers and i will figure out alternative options but i need about 20 minutes to cry right now