Football's BEST VAR Moments

Need to get up and finish a Tone of Voice document for a corporate client but instead I am lying in bed drinking tea.

Time spent with a baby chipmunk on your hand is never wasted

Davos, Switzerland, the World Economic Forum.

I’m an old punk goth but this song still makes me smile-cry 29 years later. ‘You have so many relationships in this life Only one or two will last You go through all the pain and strife Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast…’ youtu.be/NHozn0YXAeE?...

#72: Shag a massive apple

He more than deserves a Piss Prize. #amiright

This is like some kind of awful death race 2000 😩 In first place was my Mum, but she’s dropped back after an initial sprint. Now taking the lead is Ma-in-Law on end of life care, closely followed by sis in law’s mam in hospital. Forgive my dark humour. So very very tired.

Got a blood test in the morning lads. Been revising all day.

Made Vietnamese style rice bowls from leftovers. I am the Leftover Queen.

NYT Spelling Bee would not accept ‘CAMPION’ as a word and I need someone else to feel my pain @rhodri.biz

Good stuff from @askpaddypower.bsky.social

Mum is home :)

Can’t understand the hate for the Amadeus series. Yeh it strayed from Shaffer and real events in Mozart’s life. But it was moving, funny, sexy and made me appreciate the creation of fabulous music.

Father Binmas has been. #Believe

UPDATE: Mum finally moved from Emergency to the respiratory ward a day ago. Phew. Still on oxygen and various tubes attached but recovering if she behaves (she's an inpatient patient). She might be coming home by Friday! Hard to believe when the doc was asking us about DNR just 8 days ago.

Over on ‘All Old Strange Things’, in my first free post of the year I offer some reflections on @benmachell.bsky.social’s extraordinary book ‘Chasing the Dark’ open.substack.com/pub/drfranci...

Found this weird stone on the beach. Not man made. Sea made? (Pencil for scale)

Roman Keating cover versions? Or Jane McDonald cover versions? Or Jools’ bloody Holland’s bleeding Hooterfuckinanny? NYE TV. Eh.

orcas have the chance to do the funniest thing

Happy new year blooskies x #lemonpig 🍋 🐖

One year since I posted this. One year since everybody treated it like a joke. One year of watching my back. Tell me: have you seen much of Harry Styles this past year? Tim Davie's gone a bit quiet too, hasn't he?

Had to call an ambulance for mum yesterday. 8 hours in a&e resus. Thought she wouldn’t make it. She’s still in hdu today but amazingly a lot better! Cried when I saw her little face without the big mask & breathing machine. Thank you NHS x

The first 3 words you see will define your 2026. NACHOS TRAVEL PUSSY interesting if true …

Watched TinselTown with Kiefer Sutherland. Silly joyous fun. 8/10

My family are together. Home for Christmas ❤️🎄

Tomorrow evening it’ll be my annual duty to vaguely shepherd the activity on the #duvetknowitschristmas hashtag and urge people to give small sums to charity. 7.30pm? Something like that?

Pink sky at night, angel delight.

Kiss me?

Last saved meme is your philosophy on life.

It’s like Whisky Galore down at the beach lately. Only it’s avocados, bananas, kumquats and pomelos.

A festive mole? A Christmassy toad? A joyous moth?? The most unchristmas advent calendar ever. Not happy.

In Hungarian slang, instead of telling someone you don’t think they’re very intelligent, you could say agyilag zokni. It means “mentally, you are a sock.”

Put the cat’s Christmas present on the table. Went to take my coat off… 5 seconds later he’d nabbed it (along with my prescription) 😂 🎅🏻

A size 8 dress size Hopes and dreams An engagement ring A beautiful fierce tortoiseshell called Juju (AKA BattleCat Potemkin)

‘Are you trying to break my chops?’ From the movie Taxi Driver. We use it a lot at home.

‘You’re making my bees rise’ 🐝 Hands down beats you’re getting on my tits.

*laughs in Geordie*

Yuletide greetings to my fellow goths.

Ahh. The sweet wonder and joy of my child at Christmas.

Ceci n’est pas un peep 👀

The meaning of Christmas is don’t be rich or we’ll send ghosts to fuck your shit up

Happy Fezmas to all who celebrate #caturday

Psychic night at the pub was cancelled unexpectedly. No really.

I don't really post anymore, but I would like to carry on writing books at some point in the future. Hate to be annoying, but any chance you could retweet so old twitter followers can find me if they want to? Going to delete my twitter, or at least abandon it on lock and let it die a slow death.

100-word Christmas horror story. Written for @mulgraveaudio.bsky.social

Ay Ay Ay Ay Muting Ay Ay Ay Ay Muting Ay Ay Ay Ay Muting To help me through the day 🎶 [MUTE - trumpet blast - MUTE - trumpet blast - MUTE etc.] www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hx9f...

Look at my sparkling balls!