Sunday 7th June 2026: The Leader of the Free World has called the war a "military exercise" - a bit like Putin's "special military operation " then? In other news, Bitcoin has dropped, which must be very tough for investors, (thoughts and prayers) I am still closed

Saturday 6th June 2026: Drones fired towards me, 4 shot down & there has been retaliatory fire. The ceasefire is still intact I feel confident that a brilliant Peace Treaty will be agreed upon very soon Today, there are more than 400 vessels waiting to pass through me I am still "closed"

Friday 5th June 2026: The Leader of the Free World has stopped several oil tankers from crossing me because he is unhappy that they might have paid his enemy for the privilege of passing through me I am still closed

Thursday 4th June 2026: I am still "closed" (unless you count the vessels that have been allowed to pass through me or those which have gone "dark" & are being guided through by military forces"

Wednesday 3rd June 2026: I am still closed

Tuesday 2nd June 2026: Evangelos Marinakis, Billionaire Greek shipping magnate & owner of Nottingham Forest, Olympics & Rio Ave football clubs wants to pay me to allow his boats to pass through me. Has anyone seen "Pretty Woman"? I'm all a fluster (but I'm still closed)

Monday 1st June 2026 update: One of the warring parties has ceased all negotiations with the Leader of the Free World in retaliation for ceasefire violations It will also block me "completely" Oil prices have risen by 7% - somebody is profiting from my status

Monday 1st June 2026: I have been closed for 89 days, 11 hours and 25 minutes There are 341 vessels waiting to cross me

Sunday 31st May 2026: According to one party, 28 vessels have passed through me over the last 24 hours (unfortunately, I wasn't keeping count) I'm still closed (to some)

Saturday 30th May 2026: I'm sure that it will come as no surprise to anyone that, despite the Leader of the Free World's comments yesterday, I am still closed The Art of the Deal

Friday 29th May 2026 update: The Leader of the Free World has said that he is going to lift the blockade of me The opposition has said it does not trust the words of The Leader of the Free World I have no opinion on this. I am merely a naval trade route in the Middle East & I am still closed

Friday 29th May 2026: Ceasefire, war over & I am OPEN 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 (Only joking...still closed ☹️)

Thursday 28th May 2026: Both sides have been behaving 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 badly, launching attacks & counter attacks on military sites The Leader of the Free World has imposed sanctions on the body set up to control traffic passing thru me. He's also threatened to blow up his "ally" Oman if it doesn't ‘behave’

Wednesday 27th May 2026:

Tuesday 26th May 2026: The Leader of the Free World has carried out defensive strikes on the opposition The ceasefire is still in place No, me neither I am still closed

Monday 25th May 2026: The Leader of the Free World thinks a deal to open me is imminent The other warring party is still not blinking & and doesn't seem too keen to do a deal with an increasingly desperate Lego president I am still closed

Sunday 24th May 2026: The Leader of the Free World & his minions are extolling a peace deal that would include my reopening "very soon" Nobody can see the whites of the eyes of the other warring party In case you were wondering, I remain closed

Saturday 23rd May 2026: One party said that decisions about me should only be made by countries bordering me & that it's nothing to do with the Leader of the Free World The Leader of the Free World said if a "good deal" isn't reached, he "will blow them to a thousand hells" All going well then

Friday 22nd May 2026: One of the warring parties claims to have escorted 35 vessels through me in the past 24 hours & is definitely going to charge tolls, something the Leader of the Free World is not happy about. Who will get their own way? I am still "closed"

Thursday 24th May 2026: According to one warring party, it has coordinated the passage of 26 vessels thru' me in the past 24 hours. That equates to more than one vessel per hour So am I open? No, talks between the warring parties are at deadlock I'm still officially closed (unless you have CN¥)

Wednesday 20th May 2026: Three supertankers carrying millions of barrels of crude oil have passed through me today One of the warring parties has given permission for 5 additional tankers to cross me. Things seem to be progressing despite the warmongering rhetoric I am still closed

Tuesday May 19th 2026: The Leader of the Free World would make a terrible chess player I am still closed

Monday 18th May 2026: The Leader of the Free World has been posting more incoherent gibberish on social media. The other side is working out other ways to monetise the situation I am still closed.

Sunday 17th May 2026: Deep beneath me lie internet cables which link Europe, Asia & the Persian Gulf One of the warring parties is considering charging large tech companies for using these cables Oh surely they wouldn't do that to Big Tech? 😥 I am still closed

Saturday 16th May 2026 update: According to some news sources I have become "a parking lot for ships" (a bit rude, I think) One of the warring parties has announced a "mechanism" to control the passage of vessels thru' me (essentially, there will be a charge to use me) Well done, Mr Trump 👏👏👏

I am not "entirely" closed - it depends who you are. (I would describe myself as "discerning")

Saturday 16th May 2026: SIX INDIAN SHIPS CARRYING LPG/OTHER STUFF CROSSED ME YESTERDAY🎉🎉🎉 I hope "other stuff" includes diet Coke as they are running low on this vital commodity One warring party has said I am open to all except "those at war with us" So, open to a select few but closed to most

Please get a move on. As an introvert, I'm getting far too much attention.

Friday 15th May 2026: Slightly offended that the UAE has decided to fast-track an oil pipeline in order to bypass me The Leader of the Free World & the President of China agree I should be open My closure has led to a shortage of diet coke in India. This is not actually my fault I remain closed

Thursday 14th May 2026: A former intelligence chief has said that The Leader of the Free World "has a gun to his head" over me. Whilst I am flattered, I have checked & and unfortunately this is not true (the chances are they'd miss again anyway) I. AM. STILL. CLOSED. 🎉🎉🎉

Wednesday 13th May 2026: Positive news for the Chinese people Today, a Chinese supertanker carrying Iraqi crude oil sailed through me. It was stranded for 2 months & is only the 3rd tanker carrying oil for China that has traversed me since the beginning of the war I am still officially closed

Tuesday 12th May 2026: News reports claim that I've become "the central battleground" of the conflict. Fame has its downside The Leader of the Free World has called a peace proposal "garbage" The opposition has threatened to go nuclear, although, tbh they seem pretty angry already I remain closed

Monday 11th May 2026: I would like to apologise for today's previous update which was written by a trainee & not up to my expected standards of neutrality The Leader of the Free World has talked of reviving Project Freedom whereby he will guide stranded vessels out of me For now, I remain closed

Monday 11th May 2026: Operation shitshow continues Of course I'm still closed - what did you expect when the Leader of the Free World is incapable of cogent thought?

Sunday 10th May 2026: A Qatari tanker successfully passed through me despite being "closed" French & British warships on their way to me have been told not to interfere in the Leader of the Free World's "illegal & internationally unlawful" attempts to open me I am officially "closed" but also not

@straitofhormuz.bsky.social Song in your honour!

Saturday 9th May 2026: There is a Qatari tanker filled with LNG attempting to pass through me! Unfortunately I am still officially closed, so I have no idea how this will play out I remain absolutely confident that those responsible for my closure are competent & know exactly what they are doing

Friday 8th May 2026: There has been an "exchange of fire" between the warring parties, one accusing The Leader of the Free World of "reckless military adventure". I have seen all this posturing before, it serves no purpose. The price of oil has risen, people are profiting. I am still closed.

Thursday 7th May 2026: There has been ongoing movement from a shadow fleet linked to one of the warring parties despite the blockade. The Leader of the Free World is a master strategist. I am still closed (officially).

Wednesday 6th May 2026: The Leader of the Free World paused "Project Freedom" & has guided no stranded vessels out of me Multiple social media posts have appeared, but nobody can decipher them The other warring party is filing its nails with an air of sardonic amusement I am still closed

Has a Strait ever declared independence? Asking for a friend.....

Tuesday 5th May 2026: Apparently, the ceasefire is "not over" despite shots being fired by both parties & an attack on a major UAE oil facility. I am still awaiting the appearance of the Leader of the Free World, who said that he will guide certain vessels through me. I am still closed (ish).

Monday 4th May 2026 update: It's all kicking off. I think I'm still closed, but that really depends on your definition

Monday 4th May 2026: One of the parties has a "plan" called " Project Freedom" & involves the Leader of the Free World "guiding" certain vessels through me to safety The other party has warned the LFW that it will open fire This sounds like the plot of a 1950's Hollywood film I am still closed

Sunday 3rd May 2026: There are rumours that one of the warring parties wishes to rename me "The Strait of Donald J. Trump". This is a ridiculous idea. I am still closed.

Saturday 2nd May 2026: I am a "strategic and non-negotiable asset" The lesson here? Never doubt your self-worth. I am still closed.

Friday 1st May 2026: Apparently, efforts to resolve my closure are at an "impasse." I have not witnessed any of these "efforts" from the main parties, only angry posturing & ridiculous machismo. I remain closed.

Thursday 30th April 2026: I am still closed.

Wednesday 29th April 2026: Am I still closed? Bears, woods. Pope, Catholic.

Tuesday 28th April 2026: I am still closed. For some reason, a huge superyacht owned by extremely wealthy Russian oligarch Alexey Mordashov was allowed to pass without incident on Saturday. I do not question these things - I am merely a sea channel between the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Oman.