Ever wonder how to get rid of a mattress? Or how to find resources for a neighbor in need? Call 311.    311 is contacted 100,000 times every day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. No call is too small.    So on the anniversary of 311 (3/11), I decided to answer some of those calls myself.

moby-dick, his eyes enormous: from hell's heart you STAB at moby? for hate's sake you spit your last BREATH at moby? oh! oh! the great shroud of the sea for ahab! the great shroud of the sea rolling on as it rolled five thousand years ago!!!!

Legless skinks should be snakes or worms. Ridiculous.

I adore toast. To ensure its continued availability, I think we should not do wwiii.

I’ve never said this before and and I’ll probably never say it again but I love my doctor

Both my regular eye doctor and my fancy eye doctor affirm that my eyes are doing amazing and that my vision is improved. I should get two gold medals (one for each eye)

I watched Anaconda today for the first time but then I learned that humans are the true monsters

Mine is

I adore toast. To ensure its continued availability, I think we should not do wwiii.

My parents should be forced to pay me compensation for giving me clumsy genes. An average quality human would not trip on their own pants so many times in one measly lifetime.

Remember in Armageddon when the drilling crew is like “we’ll go to space and save humanity if we can be exempt from taxes for the rest of our lives”? NASA should have shot them all with a gun

But…but that’s my birthday You can’t take away a woman’s toilet on her birthday

One of my wifi-connected multicolor lightbulbs keeps suddenly turning blue. I have a replacement bulb but it’s going to be such a hassle to set up that I’m considering just living in an occasionally blue room until the world ends.

mr blobby is ancient british culture

Giving my queasy stomach the Rorschach prison speech while grimly swallowing a caffeine pill

What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are * Elaborate Metaphor For Time Escaping Between Our Fingers * Elderly King Divides His Realm * Jennifer Lopez Smiles Directly Into The Camera And I Forget The Rest Of The Movie * Worthwhile Canadian Initiative * and DAVID THEWLIS as

Why has the Guggenheim failed to do any shows that appeal to me personally in the past six years? Is this a sign of complete institutional collapse? Experts (me) are saying yes

I would be spiritually fulfilled if I had a green velvet couch, I’m certain of it

Nothing like the sound of an active bread machine. It’s magically making bread!! Heroic

Donkeys at my local animal sanctuary having a party to celebrate one of them living there for 20 years.

1776 is only going to get funnier after America ends

Lotta people out here reading things other than Women’s Day magazine’s list of every tiara Queen Camilla has ever worn, and I respect that but have to follow my heart

www.wftv.com/news/local/s... Great frogman attack on a restaurant at Disney, appalling that the cash take in a joint like that is $15K or whatever. Autres temps, autres moeurs as they say. "No additional security measures were visible" is sending me. Imagining the dude coming back daytime lol

On June 24, I began my Election Night speech by quoting Mandela: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” That's the spirit of this campaign, and our city. This is "Until It’s Done,” a new series about New Yorkers who refused to accept that a worthy goal was impossible.

Bought this doily today :)

The shopping avenues that would open up to me if I got into a dice-based hobby….it’s almost enough to get me to do it

RECONNECTED AT HIS WIFE’S FUNERAL????????????? 9 MONTHS AGO??????????? AT HER FUNERAL!?)?

I found this article so fascinating. Show business is incredible. www.smithsonianmag.com/history/man-...

Finished a book I’ve been reading about who tends to survive disasters & why. Technically it has an appendix about practical ways I can learn to increase my chances of personally surviving a disaster but what I learned in the book is that survival is random so I’m not doing that.

Hello Bluesky. I'm a librarian who researches regional American heirloom apple varieties. I also enjoy a bit of college football from time to time. In honor of Week Zero of the college football season, I present: The 2025 All-Heirloom Team.

My eBay search history: I am a maniac, but I am free

Not to 1990s post but bread machines are the coolest. It just. Makes the bread for you. It’s incredible

A doctor's note excusing me from society.

Reading some important research from the only 24/7 news source brave enough to tell the dang truth

Craig is so nice listening to me ramble about how many cigars is too many cigars to bring on the Lusitania (300) and how I would never ram a uboat with my ocean liner, British Admiralty and its advisories be damned Oh you think I should zigzag in my ocean liner, Churchill? NO

this is one of the greatest videos I’ve ever seen

A brief thread on the interference with humanitarian aid to conflict zones. Interfering with the ability of people trapped in conflict zones, to access food or healthcare, is a crime against humanity under the Rome Statute. This applies to anyone, acting from anywhere.

We don’t know how to build good nicknames like these anymore

I had a dream last night that I was riding a bike in well designed bike lanes all around New York City, feeling astonished and delighted by how safe and fun it was A beautiful impossibility

Extremely rare boat blimp sub chopper combo, wow. Basically the military photo equivalent of a shiny legendary Pokemon (I have not played the games but I believe this comparison to be valid) I just read about a horrible blimp disaster and it ruled. Bring back blimps lfg (Via @usni.org on Twitter)

Many centuries' legend and repute has it that witches fly in eggshells. This is why children are encouraged to stomp on them (for airspace regulation purposes). Why is woke Pete Hegseth refusing to stomp on eggshells? Why won't he defend American airspace? Do the witches have us outgunned? (Yes.)

Lmfao Marner repeatedly defending Brett Kulak from behind him because he’s so confident Kulak will want to dump it behind him. I haven’t seen a Kulak this disrespected since oh holy shit is that the time!? I’ll finish this later

valdepenas grapes, painted by amanda almira newton

You look up background info to ask one weird hypothetical question about ungulates and then 40 minutes later you’re exploding your own mindhole trying to figure out when orcas had hooves

We're feeling a bit retrospective and some of you might have missed one of our fav #MuseumBums of 2023! 👍🏛️🍑 Here's Pierre Fouché's "994.77", a lace recreation of a photo, made using ww2 parachute nylon. The photo is from 1944, and is held by Brooklyn Museum

Was it part of this series? I remember seeing (and listening to samples of) this at a store in the mall youtu.be/6PibLEinJws

Last isthmus I gave you my chart The very next day You sank to your grave This year A ghost ship appears You turned into something spectral

Orange man bad… chocolate orange man not really quite so bad