I know it is deeply deranged to have written jokes this weekend. We are all a mess and this is what I did.

If businesses replaced their “no loitering” signs” with ones that said “no dilly dallying” would that be less hostile but more charming or more hostile and not at all charming?

Take a trip down garbage memory lane with this holiday edition of THE TRASH REPORT—in which @elinorjoneser.bsky.social picks out the best gossip of 2025!

Paul Atmospheric Rivere

the good that you do persists in this world

Okay I’ll bite what’s malort

Hello, babies. I made you something 😘

This I know you are but what am I ass bitch

Cool move politically and also cool move because this picture makes it look like he’s doing karate

Boys love it when girls put on Mazzy Star

Do you reorganize the Christmas ornaments your child has put on the tree when they’re not paying attention or are you normal

My daughter’s fennec fox stuffie uses they/them pronouns and she reminds me of this like I’m the dumbest person alive

Happy “goddammit I left a tissue in my pocket when I washed my clothes” season to all who get the sniffles

tfw you’re fucking the lasagna man for lasagna

Line up, trash pandas! Your garbage can of gossip awaits in the latest hilarious edition of THE TRASH REPORT from @elinorjoneser.bsky.social. This week: Billie Eilish destroys Elon Musk, Zohran Mamdani charms the orange skin off Trump, and some palate-cleansing Beverly Hills 90210 news.

Dragging the recycling cans back and forth is so undignified. Where do you want them

I don’t want to GET READY FOR BED I want to FIGURE OUT HOW TO NAVIGATE THE ZARA WEBSITE

Every time I get a brain MRI scan the doc says “everything looks perfect, see you in three weeks”

Asking “is THAT Frankenstein?” repeatedly while watching Frankenstein is funny to me but not to my partner. Who’s right?

Okay when I was clamoring to read the emails I did not realize they would be written like this

Let’s, as the kids say, goooooooooo

Look, I know that fast fashion is terrible and I try to buy nothing new and repair what I have whenever possible. But my normal resistance to Temu ads is utterly undone by this objectively incredible item

Making families scramble for food and making workers work without paychecks and making a lot of us have travel derailed to cave at this point is so fucking pathetic I cannot even believe except that I can @democrats.org this is embarrassing

Read my latest! (And if you’re curious, my airplane travel over the weekend was so fucked that I did not depart!)

Sickest dance moves tonight are coming from the pissed off sickos on hold with their airlines

Tell me the truth: will I be flying to Las Vegas on Saturday

The zoo videos of the animals with pumpkins make me sad that they don’t get pumpkins every day

Love to use my $600 phone as a snack tray

It’s cool that Alaska merged with Hawaiian to make it so neither website functions. That’s corporate synergy!

I had thoughts on the Louvre heist getaway that 1) would have worked, and 2) would have been very fun.

who creates the lively art and music scenes if the rent is too high? who makes cultural life? who serves you food or washes your dishes? who creates the fancy little restaurants that draw you to urban living? affordable housing is at the heart of what makes city life worthwhile.

Car drivers only stop at crosswalks for the attention

I think that if the ICE guys wanna wear masks they should at least be required to let people they went to high school with know it’s them so we can talk about it.

U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley started his floor speech Tuesday evening to draw attention to President Trump's "authoritarian" policies.

I don't think folks have any conception of how radicalized a lot of moms are becoming as they go through shit like "will my babysitter get kidnapped" and "will my child be able to get the measles vaccine"

Super funny Q&A with Guy Branum by @elinorjoneser.bsky.social. I never know what she'll ask next.

I need a new screen

Extremely specific ask! in search of leads for OREGON ONLY artists, crafters, creative practitioners for ArtsWatch story about protest art / art as protest. poets, knitters, muralists, anything. happy to anonymize you for safety if preferred! ping me here: www.clairewillettwrites.com/contact-me

It’s so crazy that feel bad + exercise and sunshine = feel good Gets me every time!!!

Imagine a literal raccoon in a literal saddle. Thats all of you.

Googling “tyra banks hot ice cream” makes me feel ill but I’m gonna do it

I usually only keep it about 75 on the land the sea the sky so that’s probably why I don’t have any Grammys!

you don’t even have stores anymore

It should be illegal to talk about one’s investment portfolio at a boba place

Parenting fail of the day is my daughter FORGOT the name Pee-wee’s Playhouse and was like “you know, that one show you like…Wally’s Weirdhouse?”

Life of a Swamp Girl is the caption I wrote for that picture. Don’t invite me to your wedding if there’s gonna be mosquitoes

TIL Kim jong un is younger than me

I bet this had the sound and textural vibe of when cocktail weenies get shrink wrapped

Babies: PLEASE read this it’s so dumb you will lose 10 negativities from whatever else you were about to read and you will gain 50 😎🤪 points