The last time I get to use this 🥹

sometimes i'll see someone on here reference a thing "everyone is mad about" and i'll have no clue what they mean and it always makes me feel like this

I am extremely full of quesabirria tacos

Roscoe shoved his way onto the big chair with me (I promise I'm not choking him; he just doesn't believe in personal space)

Have just read "hear, hear" and "fazed" spelled correctly and do not know how to react

local place has specials all week on corned beef and cabbage AND egg salad sandwiches We are not going there this week unless it's nice enough to eat outside

Imagine sending your kids off to die in something called Operation Epic Fury led by a sundowning pedophile and an alcoholic cable news host.

overcharging kid rock fans is a victimless crime

My phone tried to autocorrect the second W in "Wawa" and now I have to burn down Cupertino

Really loving the people showing their trans allyship by *checks notes* smugly announcing they never eat at Chili's anyways because they are a person of class and taste

TIL that Goodreads now has a "did not finish" option I LOVE THIS SO MUCH (And I rarely have anything nice to say about GR; this was a pleasant surprise)

once again hoping Judy Blume can fix me: a life story

Target can still go fuck itself. I'll keep up the boycott just for the shitty Marlton parking lot, let alone all its other nonsense. They made it perfectly clear a long time ago that they don't want my fat ass in there. Keep underpaying your employees & pretending you're better than Walmart. Go on.

PASSAGE OF TIME, TRANSLATED 2025 — “the other day” 2024 — “a few months ago” 2021-2023 — “last year” 2020 — “oof, maybe 10-15 years ago?” 2016-2019 — “a couple years ago” 2011-2015 — “10-15 years ago” 2000-2010 — “like 5-10 years ago”

belatedly realized I could just mute the phrase "Epstein files" to protect my peace I have no idea why I didn't think of it before now; my muted words list is already long as hell, what's one or two more?

me, whispering softly to myself after being told repeatedly to "dial it back a notch": "bebeh jane doe"

Bryce Harper: I just had all of the blood in my body cycled through a machine that cleans it. It cost $300,000. This will help me with baseball. Ondřej Satoria: Eh, I just ehh… fix de light. I throw ball now, yes? *Smokes 8 eastern european cigarettes from an unmarked red pack at the same time*

re: last post - in a long line of "I can fix him, Momma, I swear" characters (stretching back (for me) to James Spader's disgusting Steff) Raylan Givens may actually still be in the number one spot. ...despite my undying affection for Sandor "the Hound" Clegane. Listen: I KNOW, OKAY. I know.

I know Boyd gets the lion's share of attention because of the Goggins of it all but Raylan dropped straight up bangers every single episode and this one is a close tie with "Me n' dead owls don't give a hoot." (please watch Justified if you haven't. Please.)

okay so I started reading The Darcy Myth which is fine as far as such things go except EXCEPT how do you strain yourself reaching for all this stuff about Darcy and do not even mention ROCHESTER even ONCE he's not in the index! HOW DO YOU IGNORE ROCHESTER AS THE ULTIMATE "I CAN FIX HIM"

reading about dreams is annoying so I won't give you the play by play but I WILL say that there were a vast number of huge comfortable looking couches and chairs at one point and if they are in my brain they should be in my life I deserve nice furniture to take naps on

It never made sense to me, ever. I couldn't square the stories against what I was learning in school. But for the longest time I thought something was wrong with *me*, & I was up against church communities that LOVED excluding people (weird evangelicals and small town Catholics, mainly).

In Howie we trust

The highs and lows of ESPN notifications

In case anybody's wondering what it's like living in any of the communities that form the backbone of HBOs "Delco Expanded Cinematic Universe":

“the cost of gas doubling is a small price to pay” is an incredibly funny thing to say as the head of a political movement that in many ways is still built on a nationwide psychosis triggered by having to go about four weeks without a haircut six years ago.

pork chops are cheap and nothing matters anymore so tonight they're breaded and fried (and served with rice and beans and corn muffins)

as an introverted night owl shut-in, giving my people the internet is irrefutable proof that we are not automatically more interesting or better humans exhibit a: my autocorrect trying to give me "automagically" as an option

OPEN WINDOWS DAAAAYYYYYY

“International Women’s Day” ending up on the only 23 hour day of the year.

Another day, another run through the "this book looks good, why haven't I read it/Goodreads says I read it in 2019" cycle

go out for breakfast and take a walk the horrors can wait till monday

Unfortunately for the Trump administration, today starts Daylight Savings Time so Stephen Miller will not be able to be outside as much

Went to the local place for Gator Weekend (I AM GETTING FRIED DEVILED EGGS, please come to my funeral) and bought a book from the author seated outside A horror series with a local setting AND buffalo gator? This is living.

The ice cream truck just went past Meteorological spring: confirmed

I said to myself, okay, this USA game is important to 19yo, I'll watch the whole thing with him I'M STILL TIRED THAT GAME LAST NIGHT WAS SO LONG WHY

Obviously the broader culture is not in a good place but it's heartening that television keeps returning to one of the eternal storytelling themes: Padma Lakshmi imperiously striding into the room and demanding that you make her a delicious treat.

what in the RAW MILK was that

I don't like the umpire cam, I'm about to puke

"oooh baby, this soda is FIBROUS! this soda got preBIOTICS!"

My favorite thing in the whole world is finally seeing everyone else catch on to my decades-long insistence that Target has always been Walmart with pretentions and that they DID IT TO THEMSELVES delicious (Also did the AP write this off a press release? Tf.)

Gas prices are what they are but it IS annoying to see Wawa consistently be at least $.15 higher than everyone else. Isn't the overpriced coffee enough?

the breathless in-depth reporting of some of the allegations in the Epstein files from some of the very online "release the files" accounts is making me wonder if the kids in THEIR orbit are entirely safe That sounds flippant but if it's upsetting to me I can only imagine how survivors are feeling

wait she doesn't KNOW?!?!

Damn, they took Noem out to the gravel pit

Congrats to the new leader of DHS Markwayne Mullin! He's just the type of stand up guy the department needs. This is the time for courage.

Erika Kirk somehow going to be the new OK senator bet

Absolutely re-enacted that Natalie Portman Star Wars meme in real time as I took the Noem/Mullin thing on board