LOLMets

middle child has not sounded this gleeful since the Super Bowl I think

The Eagles have played a perfect 4 quarters of football. Granted it was over the course of 2 games, but 4-0 is 4-0. 😮‍💨

I hate to point fingers but my sister and BIL left at the half to go to my dad's house so I mean

TOM BRADY, BEREFT IN THE BOOTH!

dusting off this classic for the first time since 2023

Ilu Zach Baun

eagles really said GOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOURSELVES

THE ONLY DALLAS I RESPECT

This is the secret the Trump regime tried so hard to keep about the Dallas ICE shooting The names of the dead and wounded Jose Andres Bordones-Molina Miguel Ángel García-Hernandez Norlan Guzman-Fuentes Fight Trump's dehumanization. Say their names. My new column www.inquirer.com/opinion/dall...

Watching The Lowdown because anything that comes from the genius behind Reservation Dogs is worth a shot and the cast is spectacular A+ so far

went to bed at 9, been awake since 1:30, having coffee in the Jawn mug because it's game day, good (?) morning and go birds

My dress was VERY comfortable, the wedding ceremony was lovely, and my mom wanted to leave before the reception because of her new dog, so I even got home in time to go eat with the spouse and kiddo and get back again before CFB and MLB. Altogether a successful Saturday.

Going to a family wedding this afternoon as my mom's plus one and feeling decidedly not cute right now

Terrible numbers for that new fed prosecutor in EDVa, I think they drafted her way too high

“The Ryan Leaf” of Nazi prosecutors, many are saying

ok this Amelia Earhart thing IS a legit distraction tactic I think and yet the one note Johnnys in the replies to joke posts are STILL annoying as fuck holy shit it's a beautiful day go outside

last post meant for a vanishingly small number of phily sprots guy babbys and laddy brahs

what up SPROTIANOS LAST batch of METBAL in the FUCEKLEN OVEN Ye BABBY

Apparently to become the favorite all you have to do is make three dozen meatballs and THEN you get a snuggly dog who is hoping there MIGHT be bread crumbs on your shirt

WHY IS THIS THE WEIRDEST TIMELINE I feel like we're on an interactive Netflix episode I swear to god if you people choose wrong and set off a robot apocalypse I will find you and make you suffer

Tonight: making meatballs ahead of time to get ready for Sunday sauce!

search: "vegan rolls" First 12 results: "BUTTERY SLIDER ROLLS" gooooooooo fuck yourselves

They should have an Emmy category for Best Talk Show Guest and all of the nominees are Timothy Olyphant and then the winner is Timothy Olyphant.

lmao I'm not taking medical advice from President Ivermectin McBleachdrinker, he can fuck all the way off

Got pulled over on my way to work this morning and I was not even speeding! I mean, technically I was but he got me for an expired inspection sticker. I think it was a training exercise because I'm not sure we can call it the long arm of the law when the trooper hasn't hit his final growth spurt

There's a joke somewhere about tariffs on Billy bookcases and none of these dumb MAGA motherfuckers knowing how to read but I can't quite make it work

NFL writers get mad every year because Jalen Hurts ended up being the guy they predicted Kyler Murray to be and Kyler Murray ended job being the guy they predicted Jalen Hurts to be.

we finally have caller ID at work and I have been able to guess with 95 percent accuracy if a call is spam or a tourist destined to be disappointed the latter are always much nicer though

i would like to take a nap now pls

I'm sad about Iron Hill; it used to be one of my favorite restaurants. They Maple Shade location did a good job with outdoor dining back when everyone was trying whatever they could to stay open during peak pandemic. In recent years they fucked with the menu WAY too much though

Me: "and we DO do an annual meeting that-" 59 year old coworker: "hehehehe you said doodoo" I appreciate that guy sometimes; today is one of those times

SAID.

Edmundo going all "Fuck it. I've been working on my English." for the post game interview has made me more of a bitch than ever before.

how the fuck did you fucking people come up with something worse than "skeet"

well it didn't fix the world but it did give me strength to get through tonight. (Enchiladas de birria with mole poblano. FUCK it was good.)

I want to wear sweaters and cute boots and make crockpot foods and instead it's just damp BOO WEATHER, BOO CLIMATE

rain is nice but I need actual fall weather please

I won't mount up at dawn to ride for James Comey but I'll take a little stroll and stop for coffee on the way

I am gonna let out the biggest YEAH when it happens. Like sacking Mahomes

Last repost: I am incapable of being normal about Jim Henson and at this point I'm not even going to try. I will once again say though that Henson dying shortly before my 18th birthday would have been rejected as too "on the nose" in any standard coming of age script BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

Jim Henson would've been 89 years old today. Commemorate his life and legacy by celebrating creativity, diversity, imagination, peace, and just plain silliness. Walk with me a bit while I talk about Jim and his work--and leave your comments about what he means to you. Right this way. /1

oh snap Kimmel's taking off the gloves

I know I'm officially middle aged now that there are people named "Jaxson" who are old enough to play pro ball

UPDATE the cheesesteak was delicious and I was the only one in the deli when I went to pick it up so I guess god was busy elsewhere (I see he didn't fulfill my OTHER request yet, WE'RE WAITING)

I'M GETTING A CHEESESTEAK FOR LUNCH TODAYYYYYYY where is your god now (Probably in line with me arguing with someone about wiz v. cooper, just to be a troll)

Deleted a post because I missed my phone changing buying to lying?!?!

tfw you wake up still on earth and the dog has to go out (maybe the evangelicals have been sucked into hell?)