I just got my tickets for Springtime for Putin at the Trump-Kennedy Center. I can't wait to see what Benny Johnson did with a whole musical.

Just got my tickets to see Kevin Sorbo as Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman at the Trump-Kennedy Center.

I just got my tickets for Scott Baio and Rob Schneider in My Dinner with Andre at the Trump-Kennedy Center.

You have not seen Evita until you've seen her played by Lara Trump. Coming next summer to the Trump-Kennedy Center.

Sly Stallone as Hamilton is coming to the Trump-Kennedy Center in 2027.

Just saw a promo for 60 Minutes on a story about Kentucky bourbon. It met Bari Weiss’ editorial standards after Pete Hegseth’s enthusiastic offer to provide on air comments.

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In looking for my daily silly Amazon link, I accidentally found a really cool calendar that I would love if I didn't already have my calendar needs met thanks to my two adorable dogs. amzn.to/4shsKpo

My one hope for 2026 is that Erika Kirk somehow pisses off 50 Cent.

This is just like when Nixon warned the McGovern campaign that they were caught breaking into RNC Headquarters.

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I asked Grok to tell me a joke about phone chargers so I could use this phone charger link. amzn.to/4je9iFH Why do phone chargers always ghost you? Because the moment you need them most, they disappear... and when you finally find one, it’s the wrong type and barely works Wacky stuff!

Pete Hegseth announced that mission command tracked a small one man flying vehicle attempting to smuggle sacks believed to contain fentanyl into the United States last night. The vehicle was engaged and there were no survivors. In addition to the pilot, 8 reindeer were also destroyed.

The MAGA, as you know, are wise men—wonderfully wise men— who bring gifts to their wealthy and powerful friends. They give the biggest Christmas gifts. Big strong men come up to them with tears in their eyes and tell them that their gifts were doubtless wise ones.

If you're looking to ring in the new year with a 27 pound gummy python, here you go. amzn.to/3L1MP2c

Oh wow! I'm not the only one who got a new look. While I was getting all Carhartt, Margot went Mar-a-Lago for me. She looks amazing! Her living room is gorgeous by the way.

This is really exhausting. I just spent the last hour trying on outfits with Anna and Antoine. She finally left, but this is a lot of work

If you've ever wanted to be able to lick a cat to clean and groom it, this is for you. amzn.to/49rwdtV

So, we had a good time. We danced up a storm to Gloria, Stevie, and Michael. Gloria said from the stage, "Well. Look at that. Took y’all long enough to stop circling each other like nervous pigeons."

I am calling Operation Save Glendale a success!

I had no idea Gloria could sing. I had no idea she knew Stevie Wonder or Michael McDonald

Okay, I might have been wrong about Margot. She's really not so bad. We got garland up on all the street lights and she was great to work with. We're going to watch a movie at the Christmas Tree Farm tonight.

Folks, what do you think of how I dress? Antoine keeps taking digs. He told me that my look told him I don’t trust color, joy, or breathable fabric. Then he said Jack, darling, you dress like someone who’s never been interrupted by a compliment. I think I dress fine.

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The Epstein Files they released are the worst advent calendar ever.

Update on decorated Glendale Valley's downtown. Things started out tense. Our committee makes no sense at all. This makes no sense, we have sweet and optimistic but slightly overweight Ana from the bakery, Margot with her over abundance of Christmas spirit,

I’m pleased to announce that in 2026, I will be bringing debate straight to grade schools, meeting students where they are and challenging ideas through open, confident, real debate, real questions, and developing a new generation of conservative activists

If you are like me and you are constantly having your pudding stolen from the Capitol break room fridge by a certain Representative from Wisconsin, this sticker printer is a must to let people know it is your pudding cup loud and clear. amzn.to/4pYzW84

Just had a meeting with the Save Glendale Committee. This makes no sense, we have sweet and optimistic but slightly overweight Ana from the bakery, Margot with her over abundance of Christmas spirit, Antoine the hilarious and flamboyantly gay salon owner,

I was planning to vacation in Rancho Santana for Christmas break but the state department says Nicaragua isn’t safe for a Congressman right now, so I’ll be stuck in the 54th District. I volunteered to help decorate the Glendale Valley Main Street because I thought the photo op would be good for me.

This is why I ask you all to join us conservatives in boycotting NASCAR.

Hey everybody! Sorry that I've been away for awhile. I really have been a bit swamped. I'm trying to do a follow up to Detective Jesus and I am 43,000 words into a yet unnamed ICE novel. I think I have close to 20,000 to go. I'm very proud of it. amzn.to/48VdKGd.

If there is anything more seditious or dangerous to the values our country was founded on, than reminding people to obey The Constitution, I don't know what it could be.

The reviews for certain Amazon products should be eligible for some sort of literary prize. The reviews for certain products on Amazon should be eligible for some kind of literary prize. amzn.to/48gC9o0

Please remember, while flying a swastika is no longer hate speech, implying that somebody flying a swastika is a Nazi, still is.

If you happen to live in a house inside a dormant volcano and think it would be fun to raise money by telling world leaders you will not use your new device maliciously in exchange for a voluntary contribution, this is all you need. amzn.to/49vzvwX

Maybe grandma only gets one slipper this year. She doesn’t need two

It's way too early for me to commit to a Presidential run in 2028. However, if I don't run (and I don't think I will), I think a JD Vance and Ron DeSantis ticket would be ideal. Let's prove once and for all that charisma is overrated

I haven't plugged this in awhile, but I do expect to have a new book out in the spring, so I thought it was a good time to plug the greatest story ever told about Jesus reimagined as a 1970s tv cop. amzn.to/4pfKf71

I will be wearing one of my Saskatchewan Roughriders shirts tomorrow!! Probably the one that fits me

People always misunderestimate Melania Trump. They forget she speaks 5 languages and came here on an Epstein Visa.

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If you're like most people, you're jealous of the amazing gold appliques that are now in the Oval Office. Here, you can get the same high quality for less than $20 from the same manufacturer Ekena Millwork amzn.to/4qZ0E1z

Randy and I have so much in common! #Kimble-Feenstra2028 has a good ring to it. #RandyFeenstra

This is why you always play cards with politicians when you get the chance. You will win. Democrats always fold and Republicans always hit on 15 regardless of what’s showing

How can they declare Mamdani Mayor of New York before counting all the mail in votes from California’s 54th District. I can even understand not counting the votes on napkin but if it’s on a paper sheet, you must count it to be complete. #IfItsOnAPaperSheetYouMustCountItToBeComplete

UCSD released a report on their own students showing: *25% of students got 7 + 2 = ___ + 6 wrong *61% of students couldn’t round 374,518 to the nearest hundred *37% of students couldn't subtract fractions It does make me wonder what percentage of students understood the report.

I'm a bit nervous about my new book. It's about an ICE agent and it is going to be considerably different than Detective Jesus. It's still a comedy, but less broad.

Wow! I really hate to see Joyce Carol Oates turning on Elon Musk like this. Her 40 years working with Darryl Hall was amazing. Maybe she should just stick to singing.