Writing is hard. Writing is great. Writing sucks. I love writing. I wish I could stop writing. I cannot stop writing. Please help. Please leave me alone, I have another 3 pages to get through. Please read my work. Please never perceive this garbage I've created. Respect me. Ignore me.

@thebeaverton.com can we get this week’s pod recording catered by the tainted diarrhea lettuce company? I think it could be good team building

(shitting myself to death) no! no! do not interfere with your secular “medicines” and befouléd “contact tracing!!” I sense the wrathful and divine light of god in this diarrhea lettuce parasite,

“brief and sudden illness” damn the diarrhea lettuce got him huh 😔

any male doctor who advocates for continued use of the tenaculum should have it used on his balls immediately

there’s seriously nothing more healing as a writer than having one Fuck You, I Do What I Want project on your slate. Are notes and feedback usually invaluable? Yes! Has the notes process made my work/craft stronger? Yes! But actually, for this one, Fuck You, I Do What I Want!

he hail on my mary til I project

“there shouldn’t be sex scenes in movies” and “women should stay at home, have babies, and serve their husbands” are cousins on the Hayes Code family tree of hot takes

‘Say yes and never do it’ Mel Brooks knew how to deal with the studios

can popmart collectors please explain why my first crybaby has big red balls

what a way to find out that the pope has read my project hail mary fanfiction

most people don’t tell you that a career in writing is 90% spent convincing people who are not writers that you’re a good writer. 10% of your time is spent writing. And then, someday, mercifully, you die

I don’t want to fight about plot points in comic book movies anymore. I want to fight about something more worthwhile, like the honor of an anonymous pauper who I suspect might be a wealthy and sexually proficient royal prince in disguise

“A shitstorm’s brewing on Fuck Island” has carried me far but I guess that’s 6 words

if you use google maps in navigation mode, I’m sorry your parents didn’t love you enough to teach you how to read a map. That sucks bro. North is supposed to be always up, dawg

lmao poor yorick. they got his ass

Get A Carbon Monoxide Detector: The Musical

Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride but it’s moving 80mph and every room is the hell room

the first three seasons of arrested development may be the greatest writing ever written and I will die on that hill

my therapist is on maternity leave until the fall but at least I have this

I'm here you fuckaas bitch

Time to get permanently stuck in the deku tree on a THIRD platform!!

Hereditary Prequel Lil Diva Head Stay On

going to see backrooms tonight. It’s a romcom right? we’re kissing slenderman by the end or whatever?

ok last Fortnite post for a while. Now back to my regularly scheduled programming (ryan gosling thirstposts, labubu leaks, and ragebaiting @rjlackie.com)

ok one more thing and then I’ll stop being sentimental. It’s bizarre to celebrate a fortnite story W without @nikfromearth.bsky.social, who built this department from nothing, developed these characters with Donald, and without whom I would not have a career in games at all. Thanks forever, boss 👑

Ooh yes! Go back and read ALL of the Visitor’s lines from Geno’s POV. RJ and Steve snuck some crazy shit in there and nobody caught it 😈

btw the “visitor is geno” twist was concocted by @sdanuser.bsky.social. Please make sure he gets his flowers for this moment because it was a long and hard journey to make it happen, and wowza was he right about it

ok now that the news is out where are my horny geno fancams?

WHY IS THE SAW PUPPET IN THE SUMMER GAME FEST AUDIENCE

1300s: the world is governed by a magical force we can’t see. 1700s: you idiots. You rubes. You fucking morons. MAGIC? REALLY? It’s called SCIENCE, and— 2026: so we discovered a new invisible force, and you guys are not gonna believe what we named it

now I understand how Van Gogh felt. Unappreciated in his time

This is why banks should drop biometrics entirely and give us all Manchurian candidate activation phrases. Mine would be “the DJ is playing Drops of Jupiter again”

back in my day, we didn’t have tik tok. we had late night tv clip shows where normal people on the street got accosted by mean horny puppets

a stain remover for tops and bottoms

they’re doing LABUBU IN WIGS and one of them looks just like RYLAND GRACE in his LITTLE YELLOW RAINCOAT. I am God’s chosen princess. I am the main character

when the zoom meeting runs way over and nobody has said anything relevant to my job for the past 15 minutes

he looks like a tween boy wearing his backpack backwards waiting for mom to pick him up from band practice

RJ just told me Willy Wonka can’t read. Guaranteed there was cadmium in his chocolate

If Alberta Separatism is all about money, they need to get the Duttons involved. Ian, @nileseguin.bsky.social, @mmmegan.bsky.social, and special guest @clarebelford.bsky.social (22 Minutes, JFL) are happy to take that Paramount+ money.

bullying authority figures and writing erotic fanfiction. actually kind of checks out

me before the mandalorian and grogu vs me after the mandalorian and grogu

first thought best thought ya know

Clare is brilliant, Nile is brilliant, Ian is brilliant, I threaten to kill LGF with a gun, ultimately a pretty good episode

I tried to go see this yesterday and it was sold out! People DO want to go to the movies. They just want to pay for something worth their money and time!

Run Rabbit is like if Tim Burton wrote a Laufey song and I seriously can’t stop listening to it plz help

@rjlackie.com this is us somehow

I want to play horseshoes on marc andreessen’s perfect little cone head

“you’re 5 minutes late again” ok and? did you want me to call you grandfather? bc all you’re giving me is Clock

you know when you think something is a universal human experience, so you bring it up in conversation like it is, and then find out you’re wrong in the most brutally cringe way possible? just had that experience but the thing was reading sex pollen fanfic