this guy seriously loves going to the hospital

I have the damn super flu. 12 hours ago I was like “my throat tickles” and since then I have declined into boiling fever, headache, cough, exhaustion. DO NOT GET THIS MF. Easily the sickest I’ve been since getting covid for the first time (and I had a flu shot!)

gen z has ruined capitalism. it’s boxing day and I have to scrounge every website for skinny jeans like sort of millennial truffle pig

how old were you when you realized you had a Santa phobia? I was 34, at my family’s Christmas party, 4 hours ago

popping this on rn 🇨🇦 you can get a free 7-day trial of stackTV directly from global or through prime btw

the universal gamer experience of stumbling across a lore tidbit that makes you say out loud “ @rjlackie.com when I find you……. @rjlackie.com it’s on sight………”

they already did fire and water, why not do all the elements? they could call the next one “avatar: the last airbender”

- sword - blade - foil - slicer - ol’ feller (IP collab with Old Yeller movie) - glaive??? - intermission to fight with @rjlackie.com over what a glaive is - pokey sharpy guy - spaghetti axe - sword 2 - find out hard lock was 2 days ago and we have to ask for a loc hotfix now - yay we made a game!

Bari Weiss working overtime at the Reheated Conservative Nachos stand as per usual

wait, you guys are posting on Facebook?

my favorite gmail feature is the one where they ask “hey you haven’t opened emails from this mailing list in a while, want to unsubscribe?” and then when you click yes it’s like “oh you should figure out how do to that then :)” and absolutely nothing changes

if you search “my type of dog” on tik tok it will show you your dog as a top search result. Just did it and all I can say is the power of the algorithm frightens me

every person I’ve talked to in the past 24 hours has been forced to look at 100+ images of me in different color wheels until they agree I am not a true spring. I literally don’t care if it’s under duress. SAY IT

hate speech: it’s bad

my family and I got some color season typing done today to celebrate my birthday. I am apparently a true spring. no offense to any of the springs out there but this feels like the closest I’ve ever come to genuinely believing god hates me

we’re not running out of good ideas. we’re propping up obvious charlatans and forcing anyone else who might have a good idea to pour their energy into basic survival

my own hair humbles me in every podcast clip. i don’t even know how I made it look that crazy on the most recent episode

The right-wing takeover of film & tv continues. With @clareblackwood.bsky.social @nileseguin.bsky.social and @mmmegan.bsky.social

ME: im a pretty chill person :) ALSO ME: those who cut in line at costco should be hung from the neck until dead. their ancestors will weep blood and their progeny shall never feel the sun’s warmth on a cold— wait what do you mean you don’t accept visa

if I wanted someone to tell me I look like a slut in that dress I’m sure Reddit will do it for free

she is such a vibe

universally applicable writing advice tbh

spot the difference

we’re doing girlypop christmas this year 💅 🎄

really courteous of Netflix to email me a personal FYI that HBO is about to start sucking major ass

call me an optimist, but I really think that horny lady from the christmas song might get to fuck santa this year

can someone do a wellness check on @rjlackie.com? he hasn’t referenced Those Who Walk Away From Omelas yet this week

…… so this is evil,

my research into retirement investing appears to have gone too far

zero recollection of saying the phrase “village toilet boy” and yet….

I could achieve this exact look with 20 minutes and a $50 gap gift card

I think Shaun hit the nail on the head RE this phenomenon in his Stellar Blade video. This genre of gamer rage is less about “woke” and more about “this thing is no longer completely catered to me and exclusively courting my money and attention.” adult men throwing temper tantrums over sharing

the french did something so incredible with the poodle. to breed a snooty little asshole who also loses their whole and complete mind the moment they’re left alone……. awe-inspiring

The Portalier Press page on my site has been updated with our Itch.io page, and to welcome @mmmegan.bsky.social publicly to this nonsense. 😁 Y'all will get a glimpse of Megan's contributions to Portalier pretty soon.

I had no idea we made the dark presence look that hot. technology is amazing

when you sign up, patreon asks why you joined. please tick “merch suggestion” and tell Luke to “put a little beaver on it”

men are so incredible. a complete stranger just got mad at me because I (genuinely) couldn’t answer his question about the commuter train we were both on. do I look like your mommy? do I sound like the google lady?? girl…..

introduce yourself with 5 concerts you’ve seen Fall Out Boy - Black Clouds & Underdogs tour Fall Out Boy - Infinity on High club tour Fall Out Boy - Honda Civic Tour Fall Out Boy - Believers Never Die pt 2 Tour Fall Out Boy - Save Rock and Roll tour Fall Out Boy - Monumentour Fall Out Boy - Boyz o

just caught myself thinking “I’m so excited to get home and floss.” please mercy kill me

had some great bog-related ideas on this one

thank you, the universe, for my perfect freak-ass scrungle

I love riddles 🥰

that is so fucked up bro. y’all are missing out on my favorite hobby, dunking on men

my amazon prime video just defaulted to English AI dubbing and it was…. um….. a truly ringing endorsement for subs over dubs

if you’re a patreon subscriber you get to hear me learn that all legal arbritation takes place in a Subway sandwich shop. can’t even believe that’s a law tbh

not to be a foul-mouthed astrology bitch on main but mercury retrograde and the new moon in Scorpio are absolutely eiffel towering the shit out of my emotions this week

inexplicable nietzsche quote in the bathroom of this bowling alley

at any given moment, mr beast is 3 bad decisions away from inventing a new kind of punji pit