god made me so perfect except for the chihuahua bladder

if grogu was real he’d be hunted by the rich. his wrinkled green pelt would be turned into a Birkin

First Man (2018) is the story of how all of Neil Armstrong’s friends explode one by one, and then he goes to the moon

all the business travellers on this flight are taking turns making progressively louder calls about their very important work. gonna dial up RJ 5 rows back and yell “HEY WE JUST LANDED. IS PEELY, THE BANANA, FROM FORTNITE, THE GAME WE WORK ON, STILL YELLOW?”

Roam Like Home is now SIXTEEN CHRISTIAN DOLLARS PER DAY. Ted Rogers you are ROTTING in hell I just know it

wtf the plane grew horse legs. wtf. wtf. we’re galloping to NY. what is going ON at the FAA????

went to Walmart to buy an umbrella and they charged me $2.97 for being a tasty bitch

good storytelling is timeless. stop underestimating your kids!

I’m going on a work trip next week and my mom has reminded me *three times* that I shouldn’t pack the juicy couture sweatpants that say JUICY on the ass in crystals. anyway long story short if you work in HR for the NY office I’d recommend just meeting me at the door at 9am. Easier for us both 💖

her enrichment enclosure has an awning should I still be worried

oh yeah, as a writer I’m definitely threatened by the class of people who at baseline can barely write an email

somebody gotta give baz luhrmann a live action shrek movie

Just saw a man pull up to a gas pump IN THE RAIN and make his WIFE get out of the PASSENGER’S SEAT to pump HIS gas. LOSER!! LOSER BEHAVIOR!!!!!!

I have a fashion joke

using the power of the Force to ensure Ryan Gosling **** ***** in the next Star Wars film

he may on my 4th til I’m with him

I seriously got the perfect dog. most dogs when you talk to them are all like “😀” but Gilda’s out here like “😐” and it delights me constantly

next year they should do 17 horses and one gorilla

ive watched this part like a dozen times now

Roncesvalles / Sankofa Square / Woodbridge

sick of you freaks sleeping on my greatness

“+More” carrying a lot of weight here for an episode that’s 30% about @nileseguin.bsky.social and I changing the world with clear honey toilet technology

my favourite fanfic authors expanding their repertoire to another fandom/pairing that I also happen to read must be what it feels like to be drift compatible

my people are being oppressed

it’s amazing how much of my time as an adult woman is spent demonstrating to adult men that I, too, have unlocked the forbidden secrets of things like “object permanence” and “knowing how to count”

getting tilted off the pep (having half a glass of Pepsi with lunch)

“and where in the design document did it say you can make those characters kiss?” ME:

(trying to say what’s up dawg but in a kawaii way) um. Hello Kitty

lord almighty are they dragging out this fifa business. drop the ball and get kicking boys!!

when you’re mean to me this is who you’re being mean to

I used to really want to write a romantic comedy novel set in the star wars universe

spot the difference

set a timer for 5 mins and write down every thought you have until it goes off. Full stream of consciousness, no edits. By the end of it you’ll either be in Writer Mode and ready to try, or you’ll have accidentally already started writing the thing because you were already thinking about it, right?

my therapist is going on maternity leave so my mental health plan for the summer is shifting to a 100% Ryan-Gosling-fancams-based strategy

if I ever end up in a hospital with a mini therapy horse playing a mini keyboard at my bedside, it doesn’t matter how sick I am. I swear to god I will get up and unplug the ventilator myself

I don’t know what a DDOS attack is, but I do think it should be slang for a sex act

straight up having the cursed week from hell over here. 7 hours in the puppy ER with Gilda on Monday (she’s fine), I fell down a flight of stairs today (I’m fine) and on Tuesday I recorded a podcast episode (unleashing more podcast into the world, unforgivable sin)

whoever decided the default text cursor should be WHITE on windows 11 must fall prey to anton chigurh’s cattle gun

wish somebody had told me that coconut water actually tastes like the outside wooden part of the coconut

getting paid almost a billion dollars to drive television’s most prestigious brand into the ground is CRAZY work

katseye finally validating my opinion that it’s ok to wear an enormous tricorn hat to the club

(mouth wide open) GOO ME! GOO ME!!!!

omg wait why aren’t French people allowed on the moon

🎨 @wizardofbarge.bsky.social

the mining map in pokopia is fully cursed. magmar dragging ass on the copper smelting. lotad trying to end it all in the lava. the big squirrel that can cook. what is happening???

writers asking da boss to put their Emotional Support Plot Point into the story

The ideal spaceship should be running zero instances of outlook. No one should have to get email in space

not now kitten. daddy is discovering the true meaning of pain

me when I

viktor orban grown up augustus gloop lookin ass