read a great line in a book this weekend: your trauma is not the most interesting thing about you. so insanely true. I’m interesting because I’m a beautiful genius with a fat ass who knows every fact in the world

@rjlackie.com it’s us

ok I know I’m whining about less than a dollar but you chucklefucks literally created this bundle less than 6 months ago. you can’t keep the price consistent for one single solitary year??

(talking to my toaster) good lord….. you made this bread so hard all on your own……. but how? am I a god???

Age verification? Here’s an entry from my 5th grade diary:

scan my butt bro I’m going back to MSN Messenger

thank you autocorrect. When I typed “diarrhea to” I definitely actually meant “fiat TJE”

good time to bring back this all timer:

can’t tell if this take is media illiterate or straight-up regular illiterate

I still have the short puffer from this collection and I love it. The OG red mittens from 2010 were iconic too

football should have a sub-game of mafia, where one randomly selected player on each team is a murderer and they get to “kill” 3 players per quarter. Also there’s a horse on the field and whoever gets to it first gets to ride it for the game’s duration

girl the only race you’re winning is the one to the bottom of the barrel

hold on, let’s be precise here. we are the freshly injected hyaluronic acid sloshing around the penis

some freelance pitches for WaPo: - Leave Billionaires Alone. They’re (Handsomely) Saving the World - Foam Parties Are Cool. It’s Not Weird to Host One Over the Age of 24 - Your Employees Love Subjugation. They Just Don’t Know it Yet. - 💋Trump Good💋 - BALD!!!! We LOVE IT!!!!!!

god, the failing upwards I would do if only I was a white guy who went to business school…. *dreamy sigh*

(34 and in denial) wow, everyone in the crowd at the fall out boy super bowl kickoff show looks old

the satanic devils at Instagram have switched the “copy link” button and the “add to story” button in the UI. I have to imagine Jesus would not want them to walk this dark and unchristlike path????

I’d rather have BG4 😔 how am I supposed to tenderly gnaw on Gale’s femur when he’s secured in the HBO content isolation chamber

one must imagine sisyphus totally jacked

you know who’d be amazing in the sequel to the bible?clifford the big red dog

completely obsessed with Katseye going on the Tonight Show to promote their State Farm commercial. “We love State Farm!” yeah me too gurl I also definitely had a favourite insurance provider at 19

nobody wants to work anymore 😞 when’s the last time you saw somebody grab a bucket and a mop for this wet ass pussy???

forgive me bonhomme for I have slimed

y’all think link ever ran so fast he accidentally swallowed the lil bug that follows him around

some great personal news: my new kitchen scissors have been proudly released by smart wife

ok one last bridgerton post: we gotta get Jonathan Bailey back to ripping bodices dude. they can be boy-dices, I’m not picky. the man is simply made to be on my screen, cracking into period costumes like the jaws of life ripping through a dollar store tuna can

Bridgerton is the only show on the air brave enough to say “if your relationship is built on a big lie, no amount of public fingering will fix it”

bridgerton has to be kidding me with this fuck ass hat. what in the dread pirate roberts is this fit

beginning to think this jeff epstein character might be a sex criminal

just got my daily Instagram BEDMAS/PEMDAS ragebait post so here’s a PSA: “brackets” means EVERYTHING related to brackets. that includes multiplying the final number inside the brackets by numbers touching the brackets. IF THE PROBLEM STILL HAS BRACKETS, YOU HAVENT FINISHED BRACKETS. OPEN THE SCHOOLS

had half a cherry coke and now I can see heaven and smell god

WHY are battlenet’s captchas like that????

who up and contemplating they strawberry

yes very brave of him to come forward and say the government agency murdering innocent people in broad daylight is bad 💖

I survived the 2026 Toronto earthquake

gilda loves coughing over my floor vents as though she’s winding up to yarf in them. never tell me dogs don’t have hobbies

it’s me, i’m a spider monkey. go to wendy’s

hello computer nerds: why was my phone’s autocorrect better in 2014 than it is now

idk literally anything about the Ryan Wedding case but given all that’s happening in the world, I think it’s ok to let a former olympic snowboarder sling a little snow

do I start posting again but on tik tok this time? have I healed my youtube wound enough??? 🤔

Digimon Digital monsters Digimon are NFTs

writing hentai doesn’t seem that hard. Poke a Mon. Sailor Boob. Doink Note. Feet’s Basket. Hot Guy Star Rail

damn @thebeaverton.com I thought I was following you this whole time boo I’m sorry plz forgive me

disinvited from the legion of doom larp 😔 damn

weird that Luke chose to clip this anecdote and not the one where I explained US trade relations as Canada leaving our sundowning grandpa to find a newer, more Chinese grandpa

come for grandpa crab day, stay for the dunks!

I feel like not enough people are freaking out about this

do you think the plane turned around because Trump forgot his special copy of The Life of a Showgirl that’s just Father Figure 15 times in a row

mixed feelings about this post because a lot of Americans are in a bind, but I will say: “I’m sorry” and “I didn’t vote for him” both have “not all men!” energy. We know.

i’m not a particularly nationalistic or angry person, but this is enraging. america, please leash your fucking wardog before he gets what he’s barking for