“You’re like a little nuclear core over there”

“I feel good, get the fuck out my face” For so long I thought Kendrick said “get the fuck out my thigh highs” and this mental image is especially funny knowing how fucking little he is.

"I want the cat nose, much like the shrimp colors" - Kaela

In high school I thought they overdid it on the Holocaust and WWII but I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong. Some of y’all didn’t get the message.

if there are cringey theatre kid karaoke tracks in my Spotify wrapped this year, you will be nice to me about it

I wonder if Foucault ever said anything about tickling

bf has a yahoo. cause for breaking up?

At some point in college I thought to myself "John Mulaney is lying when he says he doesn't use his literature degree. His speech patterns use lots of poetic devices!" and it turns out the poetic devices were namely cocaine.

Rowlet with his Halloween top hat on is the mayor. To me.

Remember: if it's white smoke coming from Dodgers stadium, a run has been scored. If it's black smoke, we play another inning.

IF YOURE IN LINE TO PITCH FOR THE DODGERS STAY IN LINE

My god, the Dodgers are putting Sandy Koufax in

you used to be able to just call a stranger "old-timer"

Apropo of nothing: my four favorite queer films are The Birdcage, To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar, Brokeback Mountain, and But I’m a Cheerleader

I was listening to a Johnny Costa album and then Spotify auto-played Vince Guaraldi, serving goat for goat

I just learned about the new Costco muffins... what else can 2025 take from me?!

When they make probiotic menudo it’s over for you bitches

turnip socks save me, save me turnip socks.

WHEN DOES THE ARC START BENDING, MARTIN?! WHEN?!

I think one of the better, more subtle tributes to Robert Redford's life is the string of utterly iconic female co-stars who've come forward to eulogize him; each of them take-no-shit types like Fonda and Streisand, and every one of them without a single bad thing to say. A model for male behavior

if Jimmy Kimmel's political humor is too hot for you to handle, I'm not sure "snowflake" even cuts it as a term of derision for the level of fragility you've achieved

My first foray into Derrida's concept of differance, although I did not know it, was surely in my freshman year of college when I got into an argument about whether or not cereal was a soup. The very idea of it still makes me angry.

please letterboxd give me a feature where I can filter my watchlist by not in my best friend’s watchlist so when I’m alone I can watch a movie and it doesn’t feel like a betrayal

The Onion News Network truck is currently stationed outside the Broadview ICE Detention facility just outside of Chicago.

(Have been talking about religion for hours) “I was looking up the rules for liquids” “Rules for liquids?” “At the airport, not in the Bible”

“I’ve been concocting this meatloaf in my mind for three days”

when you’re mean to me this is who you’re being mean to

Depop is so insane sometimes

I enjoy the cheap concessions at Angel Stadium, but a baseball game without an organist is an angel without its wings.

So wild that America’s substance of choice is a laxative and diuretic. Culturally addicted to going to the bathroom.

the intensity of my anger at those who would criminalize the homeless — a population literally created by the greed and callousness of the ruling class — is very hard to contain. it was you who dismantled the safety net. if you don’t like the results, put it back

For hours. HOURS. I have had Get Me To The Church On Time from My Fair Lady in my head. I’m annoying myself.

Is sexting erotica microfiction?

Woe, gas be upon ye

Last night Kaela made collard greens. Today Rufus brought home Taco Bell. My roommates are plotting against my digestive system.

I hope the person who posted that they had gay sex at church camp on PostSecret in the early 00s and then had their secret featured in the Dirty Little Secret music video is doing well.

“That’s the story of my life. I beat the odds every time and how do I do it? I have no goddamn idea.” - Nino

“I got the kinda soup that has a lot of different elements in it” - my godfather on his own mind

“I’m gonna check if the office bathroom has deodorant. If they don’t, no worries, I’m gonna be in Highland Park; no one wears deodorant there.”

When Robert Plant goes the curly girls gotta pour out some of their leave-in

“The best oatmeal bath will be purely out of spite.”

"The vodkas I've had would make a billy goat puke"

I think I got stupider this summer (positive; I was exhausted from big think at grad school, loving small think do nothing)

IDFK what was wrong with the crowd at the Paul Simon concert on Wednesday but I was the only one who clapped for the sax solo. That sucked. He deserved his flowers!!!

Supreme Court Rules 6-3 To Open Evil Tomb Of Batibat

I'd once again like to espouse the hot take: war bad

I understand that many people don’t have great phone volume etiquette and part of taking the bus is just dealing with that, but this guy is BLASTING of all things marches?!

My boss: I have these lists. I never have time to go over them.

As far as I'm concerned, Quimbara is the Cuban national anthem

Two weeks ago I didn’t have enough fare for the bus but the driver let me ride anyway for only 50¢. I just checked and he charged me the K-12 fare.