i needed someone to say this to me

C-4 charges on the bank's wall? Check. Getaway car ready to go? Check. Large bags with dollar signs? Check. OK boys, I think we're ready to-- HOLY SHIT WE FORGOT THE LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Canceling Disney+ because they canceled Kimmel is well and good, but if you really want to make them pay attention, there is no better way than fucking Goofy's wife

It is obviously sick, evil and even bad for the economy, and welfare payments should only be cash which can be spent on transport, tools etc. to acquire more money, and we are owed this by the hoarders of our God-or-geology-given land, the polluters of our air, the consumers of our natural resources

Sovereign citizens are cool guy adjacent, but instead of being fuck the police, they think they know secret laws which allow them to sentence the judge to prison instead, and instead of shoplifting treats for the homeless, they drink drive 80 in a 40 zone

i lost my dogs balls to his vet in a game of cards and now my vets dog is virile enough to get a human woman pregnant

I do not believe in public bathrooms (communist) and carry my piss throughout the day on a bindle to flush at home or use for self defence

The year is 2030. Ring ring goes my faggy little bell as I ride my stupid tricycle up to the door of the White House. "Oh Mrs. Harris!" I call. Trembling, the president aims a shotgun out the mail slot. "It's already on the porch. Take it and go!" I grin and pic up my comically large lollipop.

I'm sitting on the toilet reading two stained sheets of toilet paper like a newspaper. I don't understand what I as an individual can do about these issues. I keep fighting but nothing seems to get better. I weep.

crazy how Uber built their entire business model on how it cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy a taxi license which you for some reason didn't need if you gave the Uber corporation 20% of your money and also Bitcoin works this way

i just spread a heretical belief about the trinity to your loved ones so they will go to Hell when they die because you forgot to say gm me

Troublingly, the second largest religion in Australia is now Islam, whereas ideally the second largest religion would be Christianity, our heritage

Though the wolves are howling at the door and we don't have enough food to survive the winter, I love to huddle around the warmth of the burning stove and tell tall tales with you! (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

If we daisy chained our blood streams and transfused our blood through the whole world, the combined weight of all our immune systems would cure all disease, but the government bans this because they think it's "offensive"

i should be able to block myself. i have better things to do than read the foolish things i have said.

what a fucking scam

when you make your sex pregnancy cummies and you don't smear it inside two pussies you create a child who will never have a same-load-half-sibling and therefore will never know true love and will never have the only kind of sex that is not a sin and who God shall avert his gaze from forever

im just a widdle rat, ok? cum where you want. you dont need my permission. whatever.

having sex wtih a coworker is worse than incest, and im not talking about the hot kind of incest, never cum in the hand that feeds you or youll get cum in your mouth, and im not talking about the hot kind of cum in your mouth, this is the wisdfom of the world i give to you, my followers

i am simply too important to waste my time on such insipid trivialities as this. I do not care about this at all.

Fucked up how it was socially acceptable to make fun of the CEO of LuigiHealthcare but make fun of the new guy and everyone go insane. It is a fact that all authoritarians saw their mothers giving attention they desired to their fathers and desire to usurp him as her partner by exercising discipline

People will make me feel uncomfortable by attacking politicians and leaving space for me to agree but they hate them for not being a different, worse politician while I believe that running for office is inherently an egomaniacal, depraved and evil act for perverts and thieves

Fucked up how endorsing the death penalty is considered more socially acceptable than saying you want to take the law in to your own hands. I am more trustworthy with weapons, WMDs and the ability to take life than any government in the world and am not even allowed to own pepper spray.

A sister streaming network to the horror channel Shudder. It only shows movies featuring toilets, and it's called Shidder. There, I can stop thinking about this now.

ATTENTION: homosexual globalists have assassinated Charlie Kirk within a Localised Gravitational Vortex (LGV) to make bullet trajectory seem to conform to a globe-Earth curvature and prove globe-Earth theory. Homosexual three-sided God-Earth believers are in Utah disseminating tri-Earth science

i cheer her up after the mysterious disappearance of her daughter by sending a unsolicited picture of my charming smile :)

You'd really think my "ACAB" would be why everyone is indirectly saying I'm a terrorist on the internet a few weeks after a sovereign citizen shot two cops but it's the "testosterone? Oestrogen? Idc, go ahead" that's doing it

hes a nice guy who's always helpful and honest and friendly

Fucked up how when Yankee dogs kill each other (common occurrence) we need to disect the identities of the killer and go after all the Zoroastrian Bonapartists who prefer tits over arse in our own communities or some gay shit

Worried about sex with your mum? Don't worry. I got this, buddy

The evil boys I keep in my secret hole in the woods desperately lap up the first water they've had all week as I spray them with my hose. The dirt underneath them is turning to mud and making the evil boys muddy. Now their wives will stop looking for them: nobody wants a muddy boy.

an any papists online? 🥺👉👈

for the third time this month, my beautiful gf was hit by a car before she could make it to movie night. I rush to the hospital to ride the soul of a dying child to Heaven and confront God who tells me "man, she doesn't want to watch Tokyo Gore Police with you and is trying to let you down easy"

tried to get my belly button pierced but they missed and a baby came out :3

he solves sodokus on the bus while I polish our turds because our toilet cannot handle flushing them jagged. He finishes a sodoku. I am so proud. We kiss sloppy style and drool all over our clothes. The whole bus looks at us and claps for they have seen in us true love.

Cinephile? Buddy, you ain't special. Most people masturbate over videos now.

People always like "what are your politics?" And I'm like "well, I think income taxes should be eliminated in favour of fees on land value--" And people all like "no, I mean what do you think of the Tranny Question" and I'm once again drawn in to dumbass bullshit

The most beautiful woman in the world, on a date with me, shows me a picture of her cat. "It looks like cute girl runs in the family 😉" I say. "He's a boy," she replies. "Cats don't care about gender; they just like to run around and play," I answer. I do not get a second date.

I carve a notch in my dick every time I cum in a bad bitch

Oh, you have you child's widdle drawing on your fridge? That's cute. I have an original Rothko on mine. But yours is cute too, I guess 😏

Homicide detective finds my secret meth warehouse. "Hehe, see? No corpses here, just illegal meth. I gotta go now, I, uh,left my stove on." I run to a nearby copse where the corpse is hidden. A narcotics detective is looking closely at the corpse. "Hehe, no drugs here, officer,just my murder victim"

Velma's the most likely one to do the dog, because she's all AO3, femcel freaky type. Daphne might do it at a party to impress a guy she likes, and Fred would do it on a dare if he was drunk. I cannot imagine a scenario in which Shaggy would fuck Scooby Doo. I love Velma so much.

It's a simple device. Designed to be operated by children, in fact. Go ahead. Hop in. Unless, that is-- *chuckles menacingly*-- you're afraid?

Donald Trump is a child fucking mass murderer who is effectively calling for violence against the >1/3rd of Americans who agree with this and whose death will be less tragic than the execution of a serial killer.

This kind of hateful rhetoric needs to end.

just continued drawing this if you even care

every time i start to lose my faith in Australia and the Australian people, I like to go outside, look up at the stars and remind myself "we built this."

girls rock ✊🏿