PROTIP: double-tap to react with a torrent of cum

PROTIP: double-tap to react with a torrent of cum

Everyone loves me, but I am an Anti-social Shithead who eats bugs and lives in a cardboard box"

i accidentally invented a new slur for myself over the weekend

Remember Big Chungus? Well now he's here. Here he comes. Here comes his cock. here he goes. Now his balls

*monkeys paw curls* *my dick shrinks and becomes smaller

pissing franks red hot

its sex night at the puppy club. the last dj finishes on the mixer and hops offstage. I walk on and plug in my 1998 ibm thinkpad and hit play. cbat extended version i am immediately charlie kirked by one of the pups. despite wearing nearly nothing they still managed to concealed carry i smile as

dril has been banned. I am he now.

my bitch wife makes me sleep under the christmas tree like a dog

dunkin donuts update: the heart boston creme looks like an ass and when you bite it cum spills out

>be me >bored >start sawing my dick off in my bathtub

listen i am NOT a psychopath or anything, but a content creator

I just think women are really brave when they go to the club wearing nothing but a thong and 7 gallons of glitter. The fuck is that? Youre gonna catch a cold, lady!

my horse is extremely large and filled with extremely bad opinions about municipal zoning laws

Q: Is "fun" just a buzzword? A: fun is a liberal hoax. the only true joy comes from jamming your fingers into a light socket until you black out. then the real party begins.

i have it on good authority that the vast majority of my followers are either dead or in the process of being buried alive

the solution to the Monty Hall problem is simply to offer the host a handjob and then the rest works itself out

gojng to start a cult but there's a twist: instead of god granting me multiple wives i will have multiple husbands (gay)

dril has been banned. I am he now.

dunkin donuts update: the heart boston creme looks like an ass and when you bite it cum spills out

Hell, I'd wear a diaper even if it wasn't tailored to my needs

local goth girls want to run a train through my ass

ACAB - All Cops Are Bastards AGAB - Assigned Gender At Birth AACB - Always On The Look Out For The Boobs AAAAGCB - Ain't no rest for the Wicked, Gotta Catch em All, Baby!

2.1K follower special AMA in comments

bear witness to my ass hole being sucked off by a kangaroo court bird

using my comically large key to the city to anally destroy the mayor, one thrust at a time

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender—these are just the modern, imperial flesh-sex

using my comically large key to the city to anally destroy the mayor, one thrust at a time

this is proof that God isn't real. checkmate liberals

0 days since accidentally sending straight porn to the gay chat

Stop scaring the hoes. Start crying

Stop scaring the hoes. Start crying

I’m supposed to meet a guy named ““¡ª†․¤”‡‥

I have a wanking disease, Im really really really really sorry, i will try to do better from now on.

I PROMISE TO YOU, MY CONSTITUENTS if i win the Minecraft mcdonalds sauce in the charity auction I will run onstage and chug it #ANE2026

forgive me daddy for i have sinned, I enjoy the lounge elevator music they play in hotel lobby toilets

yes, the politicians got to u. they reefer-maddened u into submission. new year's day comes and goes. ur still IN THE CAGE.

Tonight at 11:59 the last Alpha will be born, and we will all die

My yaois are going to be a big deal in 2017

pissing franks red hot

My predictions for 2026: 1) a new type of food 2) more sex

you have to respect yourself, ok? most guys i know would hoonk up a tooth or two for a jar of pennies

more details on tumblr; www.tumblr.com/reachartwork... tl;dr our household of three disabled people is about to get punched by a $2000 dollar surprise fee exactly one week from now. one member had their disability application rejected, the other doesn't make a lot, and our cat needs a $650 x-ray

My “Just made out with the boys” shirt is a symbol of my strength

you WILL eat dogfood and piss all over your house & you WILL get rabies

*monkeys paw curls* *my dick shrinks and becomes smaller

that cheeked up waitress won't let me into his restaurant

i'm planning a trip to japan, is there anything that i can do to make it stop