you WILL eat dogfood and piss all over your house & you WILL get rabies

*monkeys paw curls* *my dick shrinks and becomes smaller

that cheeked up waitress won't let me into his restaurant

i'm planning a trip to japan, is there anything that i can do to make it stop

sour cream on pizza?! "that sounds nasty as FUCK" says the man with cum in his beard

the solution to the Monty Hall problem is simply to offer the host a handjob and then the rest works itself out

my bitch wife makes me sleep under the christmas tree like a dog

every time you have an actual reason to use the pregnant man emoji, an angel will appear in your browser window and tell you to "shut the fuck up"

my bitch wife makes me sleep under the christmas tree like a dog

my new years resolution is to just keep scrolling through my tweets until they're complete

i would drive 500 miles and i would drive 500 more to jump out of a bush and scare my friends

you know you're in the middle of nowhere when nobody shows up on barq

gojng to start a cult but there's a twist: instead of god granting me multiple wives i will have multiple husbands (gay)

new $600 shit analysis camera? just hire a local pervert for free

impersonating cops, getting my ass beat by real ones. "yaaouuu have been banned from this server"

the solution to the Monty Hall problem is simply to offer the host a handjob and then the rest works itself out

since when has shitting been so stressful.

celebrating the anniversary of 9/11 by making a mockery out of it

Wasian President Barack Hussein Hussein Obama (R) poses for a picture during a news conference at the White House in Washington DC on January 30, 2013. REUTERS/Carlos Barria/File Photo

its sex night at the puppy club. the last dj finishes on the mixer and hops offstage. I walk on and plug in my 1998 ibm thinkpad and hit play. cbat extended version i am immediately charlie kirked by one of the pups. despite wearing nearly nothing they still managed to concealed carry i smile as

its sex night at the puppy club. the last dj finishes on the mixer and hops offstage. I walk on and plug in my 1998 ibm thinkpad and hit play. cbat extended version i am immediately charlie kirked by one of the pups. despite wearing nearly nothing they still managed to concealed carry i smile as

I have an IQ of 1.000000. i have a vagina

watched an hour long documentary o n queuing and then took a shit

Methinks the lady doth not have enough teeth to suckle on my dick

I have an IQ of 1.000000. i have a vagina

i become unemployable and unemployable man; every girl hates me; i am put on the secret list for killer whales to kill me in their pens when they become too big for the circus and are no longer cute enough to fuck anymore

Remember Big Chungus? Well now he's here. Here he comes. Here comes his cock. here he goes. Now his balls

On this episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians: Kim Jong-un is back

what's the deal with "the boys on the train"?? what did the girls do when they saw "The Boys on the Train"??? what do the boys think of "The Boys on a Train"???

"See you in December" I whisper to my balls, as the autumn sun sets over my ruined ass

top ten worst penis problems a guy could have: -my dick is too small -my dick is too big -my dick is going to fall off soon which means it's too late to get it circumcised -my penis has gotten infected from someone else's piss

-i've been coughing up blood for like six weeks now and you can still see the scars from where i had stomach surgery when i was 9 years old

I work in a factory that manufactures diapers for the military and the police

top ten worst penis problems a guy could have: -my dick is too small -my dick is too big -my dick is going to fall off soon which means it's too late to get it circumcised -my penis has gotten infected from someone else's piss

i become unemployable and unemployable man; every girl hates me; i am put on the secret list for killer whales to kill me in their pens when they become too big for the circus and are no longer cute enough to fuck anymore

i get fired from over 100 jobs for saying the word "Piss" so often that it becomes a consistent company joke;

supposed to gym but am full of chinese food

In my spare time I draw lewds of the most beautiful animals on the web and send them to the zoo for breeding purposes

xylophone-like devices that make you scream in your sleep

I'm autistic so the zoo is sending me a live goat to keep as a pet. i told them i will treat it better than my own son (160 characters)

The American Dream of being able to eat dog food without being sick is a myth perpetuated by the mentally ill

The problem with suicide is that you have to live with it

Meme board member accused of racism after posting racist picture of dog in bathtub

I work in a factory that manufactures diapers for the military and the police

gojng to start a cult but there's a twist: instead of god granting me multiple wives i will have multiple husbands (gay)

i have it on good authority that the vast majority of my followers are either dead or in the process of being buried alive

sexually trabsmitted into an iran jail cell and then left to drown in piss and feces

new art challenge!! Draw your f/o wearing diaper

My body is a machine that turns on and off constantly

My body is a machine that turns on and off constantly