Another driver hit my wife’s car last week and today Geico sent us a letter saying “the repairs are $800 but we’re not going to pay. What are you going to do, sue us?”

Damn, for that kind of money you’d have to assume that the The Atlantic sexually assaulted Patel in a Bergdorf-Goodman dressing room in the mid-1990s.

I’m presuming they don’t teach about King Josiah in Sunday School much these days.

Yawn. Call me when a Waymo wins the Talladega 500.

Amazon, which saved $4B in taxes under Trump's Big Ugly Bill, has cut 30,000 jobs since last October. Verizon, which saved $2B, plans to cut 15,000 jobs this year. Meta, which saved $3B, plans to lay off 20% or more of its workforce. Trickle-down economics is a cruel joke.

(Trump opens bible, turns to passage bookmarked and circled on the page in sharpie) “The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me.” (Franklin Graham weeps openly)

In the wake of Dobbs in 2022 the democratic candidate for the governor of Tennessee, a medical doctor, regularly referred to people who might need access to abortion as “birthing persons.” I assume at the behest of a highly-paid consultant who wanted to sculpt his message.

Not so much fun when some *other* country is a complete chaos agent affecting global trade at the whims of a leader who’s never had to deal with the consequences of his own actions, right, Donald?

True! Fun fact: They did this because someone leaked Robert Bork’s rental history during his confirmation battle.

I suppose I shouldn’t have called the newly rechristened overpriced faux Tex Mex outpost of the MAGA barbecue chain in town “Taco Point USA” but I couldn’t help myself.

Everything made in the US costs more because healthcare doesn’t take advantage of the economies of scale that other countries enjoy. It is only shipping costs and protectionism that make us remotely competitive.

Blazing our way to profitability! 🦞

It seems like just ten years ago JD Vance didn’t know what a goddamn fork was, and now he’s teaching the pope about what god wants.

You know who isn’t wiping out those convictions? The pope.

Sportsbooks are advertised as making sports “more exciting,” but honestly it only makes me sad knowing John Lithgow lost all that money and now has to play Dumbledore at age 80.

I guess after a string of rejections he’s looking for a sure thing.

Not many people talk about Springsteen's absolute mastery of the transition, but he's been doing it like nobody else for fifty+ years.

"I didn't think it was Jesus, I thought it was a doctor." Just like this image of you as a "doctor" from last year?

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Detritus Pin. Please repost if you're a proud member of the Crab Club. I'm trying to find my people on here. collabs.shop/el4iiy

If John of Patmos had seen Donald Trump doing Trump rallies and protectionism and blasphemies and UFC events and so forth through a wormhole that viewed through time and compressed time the way wormholes can do he would have written the exact same book.

I’m surprised Trump didn’t go after the Pope’s never having had sex with a woman.

Searching my feed for “Tito Orban” and seeing way more posts than I would expect but not the one I’m looking for.

Hungarians: if you’re in line stay in line. That way if Orban wins you’ll get the freshest bread tomorrow.

I see they’ve hired my nine-year-old as a strategy consultant.

“Olive oil and lemon juice with a little Dijon mustard to hold it together not raising my kid in a church.” Just another reason I’m not a stripper. Your stripper name is your favourite salad dressing and the thing about you that most disappoints your parents.

Anyway, Tom Steyer was at my church on Christmas Eve.

If a technologically advanced adversary wanted to really fuck us up they could create the next Covid and vaccinate their population against it while leaving us to die because we got RFK Jr to head all our medical shit but got to say the r-word again.

Trump’s gonna be upset when the real version of his arch doesn’t match his drawing *precisely*

An a funk classic for Donald Trump this Friday: youtu.be/dm_j1RFwkVs?...

That speech could have been a Mariah Carey gif.

I presume the true statements linking her to Jeffery Epstein are still cool. It’s just the lies she objects to.

Neighborhood lawn guy riding behind his push mower on one of those little self-balancing unicycle dealies.

Oh godDAMMIT

He’s gonna make Mel Gibson the Pope in LA, isn’t he?

By carrying out unlawful lethal boat strikes that have killed 164 people, Gen. Francis Donovan, USMC, and U.S. Southern Command pioneered the blind following of nakedly illegal military orders. Today, we got a chilling glimpse of where that might lead. This demands deep reflection.

🦞 Congressman groomer has weighed in on whether we should commit genocide in Iran.

You have more in common with the people of Iran than you do with anyone in this administration, any member of the technocracy, anyone who is profiting from this war, or any billionaire. When you see Iranians forming human chains outside key infrastructure sites, you should feel a sense of kinship.

TIL that there isn’t a “pillow” emoji.

The 25th amendment requires 2/3 of both houses to affirm AND it's not permanent! He could keep coming back and asking for his president powers, requiring another vote!

Trump tweeting “I don’t want to do this (wink)” as he gleefully asks his aide to hand him the nuclear football.

If you’re calling your reps and senators today, remember that impeachment is easier BY FAR than the 25th amendment as far as dealing with this sort of nonsense. If you doubt me, just, you know, read the 25th amendment.

Reminder that the war crimes Trump commits tonight are in addition to the war crimes he’s already committed in the Gulf of Mexico, Venezuela, Cuba, and already in Iran.

Part of the reason Trump is ready for his little murder adventure in Iran to be over is that he’s ready to move on to a little murder adventure in Cuba.

Editor’s Note | Some of the language in the president’s Easter Sunday Truth Social message was beneath the standards of publication for the Times. So we will instead post an edited, sanitized version of what he wrote.

MAGA Facebook on Tuesday, 8:01 pm Eastern time:

It would be more effective to end the giant tax deduction for big ass trucks, that works like this: 1. Start a “business.” Real estate agent or house flipper is a popular one. 2. This business must never turn a profit—it is there as a tax write off only, and to say you’re a “small business owner.”

Say what you will about Matt Drudge, but the man can craft a front page.