An Onion summertime classic.

Ahem

The congressional switchboard number is (202) 224-3121. Put it in your cell phone. Use it. If you're not calling at least once a week, you're not doing your part.

Hello #portfolioday friends. I'm *very* available for all sorts of freelance work at the moment.

“Paramedics had a very short window to save Sen. Graham, and thankfully they did not make it in time,” said George Washington University Hospital cardiologist Dr. Eric Fallstaff

From ‘Outstanding’ and a good reminder that investing in the arts is a win-win, not a lose-lose, proposition.

I'm so sick of reading about futbol. Wake me when it's hockey season ⚔️

ZACH BENSON

Timeline cleanse? cats helping 😂

I miss Sabres hockey.

Ok, lots and lots of hockey players...Gilbert Perreault, Dominic Hasek, Ovechkin, Crosby just to name a few. Non- hockey Bob McAdoo, Josh Allen, Thurman Thomas

If you're in Pittsburgh go see my son's band this weekend.

i'm playing a hardcore punk rock music concert this weekend

Everything's a mess so might as well just go feral

I miss Sabres hockey.

DON'T EVER LOSE FAITH IN THE BUFFALO SABRES

Greenway butt goal!

DON'T EVER LOSE FAITH IN THE BUFFALO SABRES

My cat stepped on the remote and turned the TV off just as the 3rd period started.

Everybody calm down. It's not over yet. ⚔️

That corgi on Instagram predicts the Sabres to win this series in 7. He was correct in the 1st series.

Who gave Pommer that haircut? 😂

This game is going to kill me

I would not be upset if Tage gets traded in the off-season

Krebs has the worst playoff beard I've ever seen.

What a bullshit challenge

Time for a celebratory shot of krupnik!

It's happening! It's happening! 🦬⚔️

FINISH THEM!

This game is going to kill me

LET'S GO!!!!! 🦬⚔️

Apropos nothing, but. Jeff Skinner should bang the drum at a Sabres home game.

Game summary:

This is the dog Zach Benson has in him.

Justice is served www.thedailybeast.com/elephants-tr...

Yes, yes he should.

NEVER COUNT OUT THE SABRES FROM BUFFALO

2 down, 14 to go

SABRES

I'm not a Minnesota fan, but I love seeing Dallas get their butts whooped.

@philmcandrew.bsky.social @raymondmcandrew.bsky.social should I take a walk over to the bakery and get one of these things for tomorrow?

I'm in this! Also @philmcandrew.bsky.social @tyler-m.bsky.social @raymondmcandrew.bsky.social

Well we did it…

WAGON

The Benson mugshot and whatever is happening with McLeod should both be hung up on the wall at Key Bank Center

The Sabres last won a division title in 2010 as the champions of the Northeast. This season has been remarkable in so many ways and landing as the top team in a murdershow gauntlet division is an incredible feat.