Me being asked about Zach Benson's slew foot:

Updating my LinkedIn from "built a rain barrel" to "engineered and operationalized an integrated rain barrel *system*"

if i was going to give a college commencement speech i would make sure to start with something the students could rally behind. something like "we will mechanically suck the youth from your bones to feed a mechanical eschaton, which my generation will use to climb heaven and become new gods"

My wife is doing garden work and says to me "I have these bamboo sticks, I need a teepee for my squash" and let me tell you how hard I bit my lip to not say what I need TP for.

Showing Neil deGrasse Tyson how to make Brazilian Lemonade

Love is my wife asking me to get a brick of extra sharp cheddar and me picking one up and making a scene in the store about cutting my finger and she walks away pretending she doesn't know me

The Avatar movies were basically AI Slop before AI Slop was a thing so this tracks perfectly

you're laughing. two vast and trunkless legs of stone stand in the desert and you're laughing.

This series is going back to where President McKinley was shot.

If the Sabres team that showed up tonight can show up Monday, & the starting goalie doesn't get chased, the Carolina Hurricanes should be worried. I'm not saying it'd be easy. But their ability to go from dead in the water to absolutely destroying a team is insane, and CAR has all the pressure.

Let's see what Martin St. Louis, who dressed tonight like a used car salesman absolutely desperate to cheat on his wife, can dial up for Game 7.

Shout out to the guy who crawled into my mentions to snidely remind me that "Metsa is a replacement player" cheers buddy

The Sabres were down 3-1 on the road in an elimination game, crowd frothing at the mouth, and responded by systematically choking the life out of Montreal and chasing their dipshit goalie. See you Monday!

I don't think I've ever seen a 7 minute empty net, this game is bonkers

Sarbes

Jack Quinn, let me be your chopped unc buddy

More like the Hab-nots gottem

Oh they had the worst face-off percentage in the league? Shut up nerd. Oh the power play went 0 for fuckin 50? Shut up nerd. Oh the best players on the team aren't scoring? How about SHUT UP NERD

I like how Greenway's special move is handing another PK player his stick.

I am ready to fight god

Watching the Sabres

Thinking about watching Helenius and Östlund in Sabres sweaters for the next decade

If they win this I'm gonna get Jack Quinn drunk which I assume takes 2 beers

I'm getting reports that Jack Quinn "is okay by me" and "not Derek Roy just yet" which is great

Today would be a great day for Jack Quinn to Prove Me Wrong

Never had a bad thing to say about Quinn

JACK FUCKING QUINN BABY

Fuck it have Benson bang the damn drum next home game

When I get asked about Zach Benson in the future

This is Josh Doan, Josh Norris, and Zach Benson

Zach Benson plays playoff hockey like he's had knives pulled on him all his life and he's just not threatened by a guy waving a stick.

Good morning, if Zach Benson has zero fans it means I'm dead

I just can't fathom how much Alex Lyon, Mister Road Game, completely and totally shit the bed in possibly the biggest game of his career.

Keep running him

Lyon is toast, switch em up

Montreal fans wanting a penalty for too many men on the ice when both teams have 6 skaters on the ice is peak Montreal fans

Staring at Connor Hellebuyck's Wikipedia page

At least the Habs anthem guy is better than this butcher

If this is accurate holy shit Lindy is like I ain't going down without swinging

Sabres keys to success:

My wife just up and made sushi for the first time ever

Beck Malenstyn breakaway banger goal tonight, I'm feeling it

Zach Benson

"Tage is playing with an injury"

Your own Personal Beavis

(Kevin Sorbo seeing a beach on a cloudy day) "Is this woke??"

Kids today are so concerned about DEI in The Odyssey, but it sure is Odd to See no one talking about how our Savior DIEd for our sins!

9pm: yawning 2:12am: time to become a scholar on uncontacted tribes