get someone who looks at you the way a distraught enby looks at a half-smoked cigarette on the sidewalk

having a huge dick is a recipe for complacency; small dick means they’ll try harder

a happy little cry with bestie, as a treat

today’s date must go so hard if you’re a 4th grader

i love going down on my clown gf’s clussy, but cleanup can be a REAL headache if you don’t start with the glittoris

i’m only sexting with the gays and the theys this month … happy pride 🏳️‍🌈

hey girl, are you a juicy cluster of grapes? 🍇 because i want to make like an ancient emperor and eat you after lowering you directly onto my face 💜

computa, make the whole world gay and horny … forever 😈🏳️‍🌈

misgender?? i ‘ardly know them!!

i know it’s monday and if your day has been anything like mine it’s been a fucking drag, but do your ENTIRE skincare regimen today, babe — it’s Pride and you deserve to glow 💖💖💖

*flirting* i want you to eat my heart like a ripe pomegranate

*flirting* your corpse will make my flower garden bloom

my gender is The Cool Muted Tones of Classic Hand-Painted Scooby Doo Backgrounds

lesbian human centipede

i’m gay again

doing a bisexual erasure by turning EVERYONE bi 🩷💜💙

my gender is “personal info dump”

if the possibility of kissing me has hovered like a ghost in forgotten corners of your dreams… if the shape of my breath has ever caressed the edge of your unspoken thoughts… if a seed of longing is yet ready to sprout up from the icy frost of barren loneliness… happy pride, you’re EXTREMELY gay 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

if you’ve ever thought about kissing me, happy pride, you’re gay

post 5 comfort albums (no particular order): - NO BLUES by Los Campesinos! - Almost by The Ophelias - Texis by Sleigh Bells - VULGAR by Dir en grey - Mountainhead by Everything Everything - (bonus) Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altaïr by La Dispute

hmmmm…

damn girl, does the dust ruffle match the box springs??

at 10k i’ll post soul

adult swim used to be muzak for your dealer’s house but now it’s baby sensory videos for the ambitionless boyfriends of bisexual women

i just want a big tiddy older woman who’s horny the exact same times that i’m horny is that too much to ask??

how is a ghost movie like being born into a family of alcholics? YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THE SPIRITS, BABY

at a certain point, you learn to stop wasting time with she/her/hers and you settle down with a nice she/her or she/they

me too tbqh

no i love she hers

this straight bro walking next to me doesn’t know imm listening to xXXi_wud_nvrstøp_ÜXXx (Remix) [feat. Tommy Cash & Hannah Diamond]

democrats in november be like: “make sure you’re in line at your polling place no later than SIX SEVEN!!!”

just canceled like 8 minor subscriptions, and i feel lighter like i just took a good poop

sorry but installing an app/extension that tells you every time you get blocked is (imo) very unhealthy 😇

why must we?

What then remained?

if you like watching a baseball team absolutely CRUSH for the first 3 innings and have some of the most infectious energy possible, then give up 5-8 runs in the midgame and fail to rally in the 9th, move to Norfolk and support the Tides :))))

i know you just like me for my body, but i still ly

*BREAKING* Wyld Stallyns have announced that they will not be playing at Freedom 250. A spokesperson for the band declined to comment on the rumor that Death would be in attendance without the band.

gonna open a bar with cocktails themed around great american politcal scandals of the last 50 years. we’ve got: Iran-Cointreau Tonica LewGinsky Chapperolspritzzick Abramoff & Coke Deep Throatini Don & Stormy and many more

where’s my doppelgänger? i wanna doppelbänger

i’m thinking about becoming a street preacher but instead of spreading the word of the lord i’ll just talk about titties

just saw an industrial wrapping catalog with the tagline STRAP IT STRETCH IT damn girlie 😳

eatin pussy like i’m a tortoise at a fruit buffet

🎶✨fun fact for the music girlies!!✨🎶 the name “One Direction” comes from the second law of thermodynamics: entropy can only increase, and natural processes are irreversible!!

introducing Dick-Loofa® — It’s the Loofa For Your Dick™