People are too dumb to live. I am people :-?

He's running for president in '28! I guess he figures Americans like electing complete and total dicks?

Why does autocorrect read gin as Jin? Dumb robot. I'm tryin' to get drunk, not summon a f'in genie!

I know the real reason I'm depressed is because my rights have been slowly eroding and there has been a fascist takeover of my government. But right now I hate my new car because it's a cop, beeping at me to "stay alert" fighting me when I try to change lanes, who wants to drive with a cop? Nobody!

I don't think we give Leslie Feist enough credit for deciding to be a popstar for exactly 632 days and then taking all her money and disappearing on face of the Earth.

This whole reaction has been: "oh no the demon spotting machine made me look like a demon"! Leopards keep eating face.

I made the decision today to leave a very challenging job AND to reject the offer I was originally supposed to leave this position for. #causefuckit

There are some cosmetic surgeons who live in terror!

Okay, I think I figured out how to turn the audio sample into a video that can be uploaded to Bluesky. Here are the first 3 minutes.

Now that the US requires foreign nationals to provide 5 years of social media history to enter, I'll never see many folks again. Yeah, I guess I could go to them before the inevitable reintroduction of slavery. I better get on that!

Sure, now the US needs 5 years of social media history before deciding to kick you out of the country. Coming soon: minorities will get disappeared based on ~~spectral evidence~~

His mother is Black! If she's still alive, I need to talk to her!

I was just saying this yesterday we're losing all our allies with a conscience

One correction -the US no longer has allies

You ever feel like you love sleeping so much you may as well be dead already?

It's not ageism folks, he was always a vile moron. #mri

A plaque at Valley Forge refers to one of the people Washington freed (in his will) as his "servant" WTF

Exciting play just happened Tom Brady "this reminds me of that time we ran lemonade stands as kids"

I just wish my cat was more considerate

Homeless guy just told me. "We're made of Silverware" Then added (ominously): "You'll see me around"

You don't have to stay at your job. You don't have to stand by your man. Cheryl Hines will never see this email, but girl, you did.

C R Y I N G this is so perfect lmao x: www.instagram.com/reel/DQ7cPSf...

I don't watch cable news but on a great night like tonight, my mood is much lowered by Michael Steele. If we're throwing the traitor trash away, he gotta go too.

Look at this ridiculous primitive country, casting out its sex pests rather than making them Presidents or Mayors or Supreme Court justices

Well all these elderly MAGA shit posters are killing every last bit of lingering interest in AI videos, so there's that.

Go get yours messy queen!

25th amendment NOW

i wonder what it’s like to look around every day and see the country being run into the ground by pill-poppers and secret police and anti-vaxxers and book burners and you go into work and sit down at your computer and you’re the guy whose job it is to come up with new oreos flavors

LoL, crucible time again?

Sometimes when I feel anxious I think about the fact that Usha Vance or Candace Owens probably looks around, sees a white guy and gets nervous too.

Why are academics so self-congratulatory; lauding and hailing things that are barely achievements? They are so insecure, doing anything requires constant validation? They are so indecisive, even the bare minimum needs a victory lap? They are such introverts, ironically prone to intense oversharing?

so many dead canaries and we just keep on mining

Imagine being the king’s brother, banished for being a pedo, while the king dines with another pedo.

Any comment @ezraklein.bsky.social ? www.vanityfair.com/news/story/c...

Not so easy to take down illegal settlements huh?

On June 24, I began my Election Night speech by quoting Mandela: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” That's the spirit of this campaign, and our city. This is "Until It’s Done,” a new series about New Yorkers who refused to accept that a worthy goal was impossible.

People should not be able to ask AI to make Malcolm X meet a white devil in hell.

Guys it's ok. He only called for violence against gays and trans people and declared the Civil Rights Act a mistake for the money and power.

The worst part is that the Qanon people were right about the pedo cabal thing!

I hear me when I complain about my (currently) first world problems... I only wish I could convey my gratitude to this tweaky bourgeois nervous system!

Creative writing prompt: Make a simple press statement about a car accident sound suspicious on at least three different levels.

Everybody's watching Weekend at Bernie's but I'm watching this because I love it when bad people get got! youtu.be/jhXNWEsX_IE?...

Dance mob revolution? probably a low success rate!

This post is for the Giant self checkout: I CANNOT PUT MY ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU F****** ANNOYINGLY ASK ME TO DO SO 24 ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER DO NOT FIT ON TODDLER- SIZED SHELF. YOU ARE A MACHINE AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS! Thank you for your attention to this matter

I know we talk a lot about diversity in the boardroom... But if they'd had just one old cracker in the room this all could have been avoided 😆

If I download Gossip Harbor can I stop seeing ads for it?

When I go to Costco these days I spend a little extra money formerly earmarked for the enemy (and I've gained like 10 loss-leader hotdogs lbs)!