for the afternoon crowd 📓

as a frontline reader of this I can testify that you'll laugh, you'll cry, and have a very sexy time in this literal masterpiece of a book.

Thrilled to present the absolutely stunning US + Canada cover for DECOMPOSITION BOOK. The good people @hanoversquarepress.bsky.social created something epic here. So obsessed that it’s my phone wallpaper (don’t judge me). ♥️📓 @harpercollins.bsky.social @htphive.bsky.social @htpbooks.bsky.social

well idk what do to about the ocd. it’s officially the worst it has ever been, but bc of whatever’s going on with my stomach, i can’t go on ssri’s, can’t even drink. my GI says not to be stressed bc it’s making my stomach worse 🫠 bitch HOW? my brain is a custom torture chamber

I think this administration is making my OCD worse??? Is that??? Does that make sense to anyone???

Beyond cancelling Kimmel's show are about 200 writers and crew members in LA who just lost their full time gig.

Guys I am losing it over the state of the USA lol

This reply is fucking killing me dude

Cover Reveal: UK Edition ♥️ I have been loving this cover in secret for a while now, and I’m so happy that I finally get to share it with everyone. Isn’t she beautiful?? 😍 And a sneak peek of the first page courtesy of @deadinkbooks.bsky.social Cover 🎨 by Luke Bird

Rewatching Scandal with Elizabeth bc she’s never seen it and every time they show the oval office, all I can think about is that that room currently smells like nacho cheese and ass.

Really hoping for a book idea that lets me use my weird amount of knowledge about venomous snakes 🐍

From ages 12-16ish, I had this habit of staring too hard at the copyright pages of books and crying, because I really REALLY wanted my name on one, but getting published felt v impossible. Safe to say that seeing my own copyright page for the first time today lowkey humbled me. 😅👍🏻

Bless South Park for going after these evil bastards!

It’s dawning on me that the level of success that I want is embarrassing. When you ask Google how to get it, the results laugh and say it won’t happen, it never happens, let it go. Don’t laugh at me bro, tell me how to get it. Give me the devil’s phone number and tell him I want to make a deal. 🤝

America heartbroken to discover president somehow still alive

Today in publishing brainrot: I’ve started seeing all time as just before or after my book is out. I’m not thinking about Christmas as Christmas, I’m thinking about it as more of the before. I get excited reading that the can of cat food in my hand expires in 2027 bc that’s after.

What’s bullshit is that Donald Trump lives on Diet Coke and Big Macs and is STILL ALIVE!!!! Meanwhile I’m 28 with some unknown crippling stomach bs and my doctors are forcing me to live off of saltines and bananas. I have never ONCE tried to start a dictatorship in the United States 😭😭😭 BULLSHIT!!!

Aren’t my cats so beautiful? 🤩

Thank you for your input, I have chosen a book jacket photo 💃🏻 My v amazing photographer/wife @elizabethvanos.com retouched it for me and everything, so now it’s even fancier 😎

I'm sorry, but I need you to see this rock that looks like a sandwich that I just found on Instagram.

inspo pic (left) vs. the nails i did on myself (right) 💅🏻 pleased!

tbh this is starting to feel like taxation without representation 🤨

my childhood fav disney couple vs my wife and i ☠️

ocd so bad today i got all stereotypical and cleaned my house to distract myself from my loud ass brain ✌🏻

seconded

i worry a lot that i love my wife too much.

my sister in law is reading the hunger games for the first time and texting me her reacts and truly i am having the best time

Okay it was too close to call over in my close friends instagram, so I’m opening it up to the masses. Most people are voting 1 (left) but my wife and agent voted 2 (right) soooooo idk. Help. Which one for the book jacket???

crying over the dinosaurs again rip my aura points

Carrie Bradshaw’s novel is soooooo bad that it distracts from the show (which is also bad to be fair).

So apparently Wednesday is coming back this week. Let me know if she's gay in this season like SHE CLEARLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE WHOLE TIME.

About to shell out my third book in under three years and that’s a personal best, so I’m excited 🤩

when you get past 96th going uptown at 8am and it’s just you and your fellow night shift sufferers left 👌🏻

does anyone else feel weird when someone refers to them as a woman bc they’re an adult??? like ik i’m 28 and married and honestly too employed, but no babe i’m not an adult. i’m just a girl 😭

me: *sitting in bed reading a book, just submitted everything for all of my deadlines, nice wife in kitchen, making biscuits* my brain: you are in tribute in hunger games level danger right now and your career is fucked

you ever see a man on the subway who is so clearly going to brooklyn? i’m talking man bun, black and white tattoo sleeves, carrying an art print, square glasses, polaroid camera strapped across his chest with brown leather camera strap, probably has mfa. my boy is BROOKLYN BOUND

Babies trying solid food for the first time act like they’re on fear factor. Bitch these are green beans

unpopular opinion but tbh i love a crashout, esp if it’s someone who i’m in a work relationship with like yes babe sob to me at 2am give me something REAL i fucking love intimacy

shout out to this crow who just dunked what seems to be a whole churro in the bird bath

someone needs to put in a glass box like tinker bell bc i have showing too much of my actual personality to everybody ☠️

okay what do we think? this me rn: is it giving lincoln center??

????? tf wild take lol i lust after my wife all the time and love her sm 😍

this woman just came up to me when i was just walking through lincoln center plaza with my headphones on no badge and asked if i worked there. babe yes but i am OFF THE CLOCK ask a bitch in uniform ffs

ballerinas must be so comfortable with each other bc the this man just airlifted this bitch by the pussy

well guys the ocd was right about one person’s opinion of me this week and now i am crash out central for the foreseeable 😎

i feel like i used to be fun

on a diet of p much just carbs and sugar rn, but i feel like i’m safe from scurvy bc my diet very much includes the lemon bars from trader joes 🍋

i am gonna be so skinny by the time this damn book comes out. so anxious all the time i can’t eat NOTHIN’

i feel like writers are emotional exhibitionists lowkey. watch out for me i’m gonna flash you my trauma 😜