it’s not that my self esteem is so low that i don’t think anyone would ever want to fuck me. it’s that my self esteem is so HIGH that I don’t think anyone is SMART ENOUGH to want to fuck me

Jimmy Fallon would host the Hunger Games.

watching @drawfeeshow.com this shit kinda slaps. real slappola shit over here

This entire grift relies on convincing people that they don't know how to do the things they have always known how to do, and ironically, if it works, we will, in a very short amount of time, forget how to do all the things we have always known how to do.

so cool you love music and got a high paying gig at the AI music company. I love lions so I got a job in Africa helping dentists hunt them

slowly sucking in my gut while I pee so it looks like I'm deflating. all the other guys at the urinal trough hooting and hollering like I'm David Blaine. guy in the stall is trying to shit faster cuz he knows he's missing out on something but he's not sure what

i’m setting you free. i’m releasing you from the discourse

started using “no ego” like “no homo” before i say some narcissistic shit. i’m like no ego but someone should write a profile of me for a paper

You should move on from Harry Potter because JK is a transphobe but also because you're 40 years old

this AI shit is not gonna break me. I am still a writer and I'm still gonna write shit and it's gonna mostly be "just OK" workaday prose elevated by my little poetic flourishes but it's gonna be something only I could write. and maybe I won't even do anything with it, but it will exist

Does bluesky suppress links like the other apps? Reply if you see this! Here’s a LINK to my EMAIL LIST for exclusive unlisted YOUTUBE videos of my standup, sketch, and improv comedy!! sendfox.com/cammgodfrey

a fetish is something you NEED to have to enjoy sex?? yeah right, so i have an alcohol fetish? dumbass

i’m empath sober. i only buy a drink if it seems like the bar i’m in really needs the business right now

no i don’t have anxiety i just have a constant dormant underlying fear that my car is actively on fire while i’m driving it but no one knows how to tell me

pussy from a girl who will never stop thinking about the way you kissed her

hey sorry i couldn’t “act like i’ve been there.” in my defense, i haven’t and never will

i’ve discovered ways to feel inferior that you motherfuckers don’t even have access to. and in the way ultimately i am better than you

honoring my late father’s memory by being truly desperate for male approval

i’ve never started a sentence and then cut myself off with “no i can’t say that out loud” without full intentions of saying that out loud

having a sex dream you can’t even tell the group chat about is a prison i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

i love them they are so tall irl @drawfeeshow.com @julialepetit.bsky.social @jacobandrews.bsky.social @atnathanyaffe.bsky.social

has “hey thickums! love that thickness! can i have that number?” ever worked as a pick up line? asking for a catcaller with lowkey gay voice

just spent a really long awkward time trying to figure out where i know someone from and it was from being janeane garafolo

sure i may not seem cool right now but you should see how cool i seem when everyone in the room already thinks i’m cool

horrified to report that everywhere you go you take yourself

nobody on this airplane is paying attention to the safety presentation. i’m gonna have to save them all myself

asked for steak at chipotle and she said “the good one or the regular one?”

simple plan was like i didn’t get a phone call between 7 and 11 am. nobody cares and i’m alone in the world

if i meet someone who’s 25-27 I’m GONNA mention the movie sky high. for clout

if poetry open mics were at 3 am i wouldn’t have a close friends story

poetry open mics should be at 2 am

I hate being a room of all gay people. It's like, no, I'm not out of my element. I'm just bad at talking to people

gonna say “remember that one time we made out?” to someone i shouldn’t tonight

uber driver isnt playing the 3 niche songs i want to listen to right now. disappointed. 5 stars

every fall i buy a new black cardigan and every spring i lose it on the first warmish day

when you grew up in a “don’t worry about paying me back” household but now you don’t have “don’t worry about paying me back” money <<<<

“i was OP so they nerfed me” - me when i’m a little sniffly so i can’t get drunk on a weeknight with my friends

this is my impression of the funny one in the friend group talking to the quiet one in the friend group, outside the venue before a booked show: you should go up and do a tight 5

problematic nomenclature aside, the concept of “pimping” in improv is so silly. it’s like mom can you come pick me up my improv scene partner is making me make stuff up on the spot

when you think about it “you shouldn’t take medical advice from the president” has always been true we just used to not really have to say it

looking for music recommendations. my taste is songs that i already like

man i have so many problems that would be solved if therapy was real

got cut off by a woman with a “my other car is a TARDIS” bumper sticker. what could you possibly in a hurry for

what did people do with their hands while dancing in the club before they invented one hand drink one hand cellphone + vape

4 am uber should not say “good morning.” oh you think you’re better than me?

me about the situationship every time

be honest. are you guys only hanging out with me because of my vaguely worrisome Close Friends Story presence

donald trump is mia because he got fired from snl. or some other easy joke to make.

hey sorry i just picked up my phone for the first time this week. donald trump is engaged to travis kelce?????

hey sorry i just picked up my phone for the first time this week. taylor swift was fired from SNL?????