i iron my pajamas bc a recurring nightmare is Derek Guy critiquing my PJs in my sleep

"Too."

honest question - does this thumb dick think he has a future in politics? i’ve never seen a DCoS venture near a 🎤 like this. i’m sure it sounds better in its original German. #TinyMustacheMiller

🗞️: Madison Cawthorn Files to Run for Congress, This Time in Florida — Says He Was Motivated by Charlie Kirk Assassination Hot Wheels was arrested LAST MONTH for failure to appear. He’ll probably win. Nothing matters.

worst_person_you_know.meme

the plumbing inspector is here. just passed. hard-plumbed gas grill? nearly 200,000 BTU fire pit? hell yeah. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 (not using a plumber to move stove inside bc i’m not a NYC asshole)

no one show this to the Silly Hat & Boot People in our army. “i remember on MYYYY SPUR MARRRRRCH” 🤠

We are thrilled to announce that our NEW Large Language Model will be released on 11.18.25.

i’m such this self-licking ice cream cone will never melt

OCTOBER 1ST

unreal. a written TKO. 🥊

yes, yes, i’m sure that gaping security vulnerability will only be exploited for lawful purposes and only in the UK!

thx, Mike

a thread worth pondering bsky.app/profile/regi...

🐢🥄😋

A+

I’ve also never seen a federal court opinion at any level styled like this before:

“An army marches on its stomach.” ~Napoleon the Continental troops liked 🐢?? ¯\_( ˘͡ ˘̯)_/¯

For context Hegseth was basically fired from every job he had, including resigning from his national guard duty because he had a Deus Vult tattoo. He got fired from all his other jobs for drinking and abusing women on the job. Heres a letter his own mother wrote to him about his treatment of women

📰: From breadwinners to bystanders: The death spiral of the American working man guys are falling behind. less college. less attainment. women leapfrogging past them and then MAGÀ podcasters tell them they’re VICTIMS & their loserdom isn’t their fault not great at all thehill.com/opinion/fina...

SAD!

Hungover Hegseth Struggling To Remember How He Ended Up In Room Full Of Generals

oh worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd? more than 20 years ago, i raced an Iraqi officer in the Euphrates in good ol’ ar-Ramadi i got fried and there are fingerprints of it in my mil records ✨to this day✨ ¯\_( ˘͡ ˘̯)_/¯

Tired: doing a Sicario Wired: doing a Horrible Bosses

real hitters knew striking The Game would be one of the highest payoff targets in the universe *until this admin, which is full of alumni/ae from Bumblebee Tech and Western Tinkle University 🏈

oh my sweet lord

I’m flattered to have been invited; curious as to why; and yet must pass along my regrets - I will not be attending DorkFest2025.

everything from Illinois is awful cc: @jimmyperezshetland.bsky.social

someone dumped the bucket of water and took the entire tote of Milkbones fun fact - i have a 2nd tote, more Milkbones, and a Nest outdoor camera we gonna figure this shit out a real hater move tbh

amazing. i did such a good job avoiding a sunburn that i literally have low vitamin D. just a towering achievement of sun avoided-ness for a guy who summers (anthimeria!) steps from the beach on Cape Cod. 👻

What’s your sign?

vacuum company’s profits……..suck? otis elevator’s are up and down?

I think the Trump admin assumed no one would try to find out who the people on the boats they blew up really were

(1) imagine having ANY nostalgia whatsoever for Walmart (2) 2002? buddy, Lower Manhattan was still smoldering; we paid by the text message; & you didn’t have apps/websites in your Existential Crisis Rectangle (3) this format will do huuuuge numbers w/ stupid, old Boomers. they will ❤️ the slop! 💩🚰

lost in all of this MedBed madness…….. can we nap in them? asking for WOs & Green Beanies worldwide. 🤖: “GREETINGS. I am the MedBed3000 and I cure what ails ye. Please select a treatment. You’ve selected…….Midday Nap. Please enjoy your…..Midday Nap.”

“For sale: killdozer, never used”

it takes 45 to 90 days to make a vanity plate?? what else do the inmates have going on? hammer out my Jeep’s kick ass vanity plate FFS. 😩

National Coffee Day a warm cup a cool morning trying to grow grass in a drought 🧘🏼‍♂️

📰: Warrant Officer Convention draws 5,000 hats, only three warrants #WheresChief

Fed Governor talkin’ vibe shifts???

is there anything she can’t do?!

the timeline has a sense of humor it seems

I just tried doing this (with “Yakety Sax”), but can’t figure out how to upload it so the sound works.

holy shit they did the meme

hell yeah

ocean temp is still prettttttttty warm on Cape Cod 6ft! a regular Steve Zissou over here. 🤿

imagine flying across the world for a meeting (that could’ve been a Teams call) and it’s the Fox & Friends WEEKEND guy lecturing you about warrior’ing and doing a lethality?? i’d clap like a North Korean audience on camera with an artillery cannon secretly aimed at their faces “Sure. Ok. Plz clap”

I’m abandoning my LawnChild for a few hours to go apple picking. Just New England’ing in autumn like a boss. The hydroseed calls for THREE waterings per day for the first week+. Gadzooks. I was out there at 7:30am with my elaborate valves, diverters, sprinklers, and spray guns. 💦💦 🍎