Robert Mueller has died. Check in on your most insufferable centrist loved one who really thought he was going to do something any day now

Democratic consultants: To replicate Mamdani’s success with the young people we must appeal to their short attention spans with memes and TikTok Mamdani (actual quote): In the fifth century in what we now know as Ireland, a British warlord named Coroticus had laid waste to the countryside

Noam Chomsky and Stephen Pinker say Epstein was an intellectual force with a mind like steel trap and then his e-mails read like the ending of Flowers for Algernon.

I’m really struggling with Pluribus because I really just want the aliens to take over.

I’ve never been a Superman fan, but that was dope.

Primary every Democrat who is not meeting this moment. Get rid of them all.

not sure there's a more embarrassing profession than ICE agent. Oh, you dress like a soldier to abduct sous chefs and throw flashbangs at protesters? Get a real job you loser

4 new words added to the script. I want my lawyer. Every day is shut the fuck up Friday

Feet! Look at her teeeny soft little toes! #tarantula

Can confirm.

Just deleted my 23 and Me data, so now I will lose access to such earthshaking insights such as how likely I am to have a cleft chin. Joke’s on them, I own a mirror.

When you accidentally make a shrine to the god of spring at work. Hail Kevin!

Settlers were dirty, disgusting, greedy people who coughed and killed their way into stealing trillions of dollars worth of land that was previously cared for by millions of Native Americans for thousands of years. Settlers didn't "build" this country. They stole it.

I was fretting this week about how none of the books I’ve been reading this year are “favorite” contenders (it’s March lol) but then I picked up this gem and I’m no longer worried. Funniest thing I read in ages, including the literal best dreidel joke ever printed, I’m sure. #booksky 💙📚

Schumer’s really showing off Ted Cruz levels of backbone, jfc. With an opposition party like this, who even needed a coup?

Just inhaled Victorian Psycho in an afternoon and wow do I recommend it. A visceral bloodbath wherein the indiscriminate killing of men, women, children, babies and animals is played for dark comic lulz. That sounds bad but I promise, it’s great if you have the stomach for it!📚💙

Well this seems like an exceptionally bad time to be making big life plans, but I was just accepted to graduate school for library science! I want to be happy but I’m filled with unceasing existential dread! But yes, continuing on my lifelong journey to make books my entire personality, yay.

Do Not Comply In Advance: bossy, already a cliche, implies permission to comply later Fuck You, Make Me: leads by example, directs yelling at opposition instead of allies, easy to chant at a protest or put on a banner

I fucking hate AI but someone posted this in a tarantula group I’m in, in response to someone else losing a beloved spider, and a)this is objectively hilarious but b)also I cried

we’re about to spend a day or two arguing about whether the thing he did that perfectly mimicked a Nazi salute was in fact a Nazi salute, but I can’t get past what a complete fucking dork freak he looks like when doing it

Love the “happy to have caught a cricket” dance routine from Glen Powell tonight! #tarantula

Toby Maguire the Spider just molted and I really think molting looks like fun. I want new skin.

I hate starting a new game. I was an accomplished, boss-ass cowboy and now I have to learn how to jump and read a map this is dumb.

I used to make friends on the internet, now I just buy bras.

Choose 20 books that have sayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 13/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have sayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 12/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have sayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 11/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 11/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 10/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 9/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 8/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 7/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 6/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 5/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 4/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

The world sucks but at least I have this rad tarantula.

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 3/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. 2/20 #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you. One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order. No explanations, no reviews, just covers. #BookSky #Books #BookChallenge 💙📚

I kind of respect it when song lyrics rhyme the same word to itself. The writer isn’t here to amuse you with perfectly clever rhyme schemes okay. They’re not your little poetry bitch.

Bluesky now has over 10 million users, and I was #544,153!

Really wish I could make gazpacho without everyone in my life making the same Marjorie Taylor Green joke. Just let me enjoy my cold soup.

HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP

Words cannot describe how incredibly jealous I am of everyone who can pop outside their door right now and see the aurora. Enjoy, the photos are all stunning!

My Bluesky experience this week was that one dude that commented “you must be pre diabetic” on a post about someone eating fruit and oatmeal. Don’t make me defend oatmeal, fuck.

Made my tree Weird Barbie for Christmas.