Every man past the age of 50 in Virginia looks like Mitch McConnell

Cake pops are utter, useless trash

There's a whole lot of things I'd do for a vanilla soft serve cone right now

Listen, I know it's a "my steak is too juicy, lobster is too buttery" problem, but having a dump truck means never being able to find pants that fit correctly.

Was double booked for meetings, so I told each organizer I had a conflict and then just had a free hour

Felt cute, did a photoshoot in the bathroom at work

Every day, the slop on LinkedIn gets worse and it pushes me closer to just getting rid of the entire thing.

It's not my current favorite RH franchise, but dammit this looks FUN #bravo #RHOC

I fear this may be the song of the summer

Taking public transportation (horny) to the library (more horny) to get books and carry them home in my reusable tote (horniest)

Found email evidence that proves I am right in an office battle and forwarded it to everyone in the least smug way possible. I think I'm done for the day!

It's June 1st and I am exhausted already

New shorts just in time for pride

I actually found a picture of me from 2019! Different glasses, same dumb grin

This is my emotional support movie

accepting the fact i live a sweet treat centered lifestyle

Not giving in to the narrative that I need to starve myself because pride is happening soon. I'll need to be accepted for every single pound I've got!

My brother and I (mid-40's) still quote this Frito's commercial starring Reba McEntire to this day youtu.be/us3R3IwtTHo?...

Love the random poppy that was able to grow in a crack on our backyard pavement!

Drag name: Auntie Acid

Neighborhood watch suddenly goes on high alert #corgi

is anyone else getting utterly fucking bodied by allergies and sinus pressure

My definition of "late night sex" is any hanky-panky that starts after 8pm (including weekends).

Walking to the library but make it fashion

I love that there's a Midwest hunk I follow on Reddit who always says he is "horny as heck". Sweet lil sexy guy!

Got a new bike helmet through a green commuter program at work and it sort of looks like I'm a cast member on Spaceballs

Trying to see around the stickers you put on your nudes, besties

I just need to share that I love nerds (gummy clusters) and nerds (men)

one thing about me is i need to know the tea, like bitch tell meeeeeee

Being in an open relationship has done wonders for the cleanliness of our house

Rainy nights call for a sweatshirt/underwear outfit

*flirting* so, uhhh, how many beverages are on ur workspace rn (four for me btw)

New Pride shirt has arrived- thanks Jane Don't!

Getting my steps by walking to a dick appointment

Has anyone perfected the art of the understall handjob? We need to give the guys in my area some pointers.

A "verse daddy" on Scruff just messaged me with "Hey baby boy".