Just sorting out the calendar and I see I'm going to be in Liverpool to see us play Qarabag and Newcastle. One is a club with dubious ties to a oil rich state and the other is Qarabag, etc etc.

Mates I bought a good electric blanket and if you had been thinking of doing the same but hadn’t got around to it I recommend you do it. I just cheered “Fucking. Yes.” when I got into bed then.

This article now has drone video footage for you to see the catastrophe as a Crow might see it

That’s a return on investment of 2.73% If anyone was thinking of investing in AI, I can give you a similar ROI, whilst being more ethical. For every £100 you give me, I will guarantee I’ll give you £3 this time next year. THIS IS NOT A BUBBLE.

I’m pissed that we’re all going to have a shitty 10-15 years economically because a dozen techboys believed that it was possible to write code to the point that the program could write better code and eventually either kill us all or make us immortal, and so they spent $1.5tn for $41bn in revenue

Bjork's hitboxes are wild

I need to show you the jargest webs I’ve ever seen.

@jaymc.bsky.social knows how to threaten me with a good* time. *good times by no means guaranteed.

On a comedy gig at the Apollo in a language I do not speak a word of. Young lad just came up to me and asked “Is the show finished?” “No mate it’s the interval.” Blank stare… Awkward silence. “It’s half time mate.” “OH! Nice one!” Thankfully we both speak footy.

“They might not understand the reality of the situation, but they’re certainly going to experience it regardless.” This might be the most diplomatic I’ve ever communicated the sentiment of ‘Fuck around, find out’.

I once knew a Federal bank examiner, and one time someone asked him why we had to KEEP inspecting banks over and over. He basically said every new batch of business school grads invents bank fraud from first principles.

#Motosky www.theguardian.com/artanddesign...

I have done the big brave thing and ordered new glazing units for the house. Four fucking degrees centigrade with an overnight of ONE will certainly kick you into action!

He does petty with a halo, I love him

Good to see the referee book Alonso for his views on personal taxation there at the end.

Madrid are allergic to Conor Bradley

FUCKING GET IN. Vini Jr you cheating, crying gobshite, have that on toast you gang of Franco's favourite bellends.

ello reds

Reds, please don't be shite. Have you tried not being shite? You will surely not regret not being shite.

Ah, happy 88th anniversary of the day Oswald Mosley tried to sell fascism to Liverpudlians – and someone concussed him with a brick

[Me, a few weeks ago] “Ooooooh look a sequel to Hollow Knight! Silksong… I loved Hollow Knight! This will be a nice way to wind down after work.” [Me now, like Cooper from Interstellar at the fucking bookcase] “Don’t you idiot! It will do your head in! You’ll break a thumbstick!”

Me in the MOT place to the tune of The Bee Gees: How fucked is my car? (…is my car, how fucked is my car, i really need to know).

As you’d imagine a lot of concern pertaining to fractures of the artist’s arm in the comments.

If this intends to make it legally compulsory for every adult in Derry to carry something called a "Brit Card", then I'm willing to offer some high-paid consultancy on why this plan might be flawed.

We get around it by calling it ‘art’ and ‘poetry in motion’ but let’s call that free kick what it was: Pornography. Smut. Absolute filth.

I think 0415 is too early for the bins to be getting taken out. I think it’s earlier than anyone involved wants it to be happening.

Hey #motorcycle mates. Don’t snap your only ignition key in the storage box lock on your Honda NC 700S. It results in a great sadness and an impending locksmith bill, the size of which cannot be ignored.

I need a noir movie where he solves crimes in this outfit

It is the fate of all libertarians to rail against decency, empathy, "wokeness" et al as constrictive and oppressive, posit being totally rude and edgy and whatever man as true freedom, helping pave the way for someone to take away that decency; and then the libertarians go "aww no wait this sucks"

At the tyre/wheel alignment place. Feller is like: Do you know you need news tyres? My dude, yes, that is why I am here thank you and please.

It’s been a decade since we lost the person who introduced me to my partner. I went back and read the words I wrote at the time wondering if I would say it differently now. “…the debt [of introducing me to Gemma] is one I can never repay. The loss of my friend is one i can never abide”. No.

What is worse that being woken up at 0120 by a car alarm? Being woken up at 0120 by YOUR car alarm. (And on inspection of your car finding nothing out of the ordinary). I have moved it, it was on a hill half on the curb. Maybe that will help? FFS it’s my first day on a new project this morning.

Hello! If you’re looking for a way to support me being a silly creature on the internet, I have a stretch goal on my ko-fi account to buy a stuffed caiman candelabra (see the quote-post below). Help me make this ill-advised financial decision here: ko-fi.com/scarygorgon/...

A conscious uncoupling on the cards i reckon

I assume Coldplay concerts are full of software CEOs and HR execs, so it was probably only a matter of time till something like this happened. Still, it is so, so funny to react to getting caught out like this

The US President - who said on camera that the plan is to get rid of the Palestinians and build tourist resorts over the graves and rubble of their annihilated towns - is visiting the UK in September. Do we think we’ll see light touch policing and even-handed media coverage of mass arrests? Or

Marvel: 'Infinity War' Is The Most Ambitious Crossover Event In History Kenny Dalglish and Lana Del Rey: Hold our beers

this says it's aimed at kids but tbh its pretty universal. we don't magically learn this stuff as we get older. we don't talk about grief as much as we should in this country imo. www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/art...

and he still did That on three hours sleep and eight cans of monster, your fave could never

YOU'VE GOT SPURS ON SUNDAY

excuse the link to the other place but diogo jota is a fucking legend x.com/RowdsDG/stat...

Fucking mad mix on the BBC coverage of glastonbury. So sterile, no ambient crowd noise. It’s like watching a live performance but hearing the same song played in an empty studio. Awful.

tiny chef knows exactly how much garlic to use when the recipe says 2 cloves

Jesus Christ they swallowed the whole shaft and the balls

Check out what counts as conclusive proof of extremism at this point, then consider what *does not* count as extreme views. Roaring support for a regime whose soldiers are shooting starving civilians by the hundred? Fine. Saying the Irish prank band shouldn’t be jailed? Terrorism.

I own one of these jackets and it is SO good that I don't care how stupid I look in it. I saw a prod manager wearing one in Tokyo and demanded to know where he got it. Deploy the Aircore! www.youtube.com/shorts/0BBlf...

Had anyone done “it was the best of times it was the Wirtz of times” yet or is that for when he scores his first hat trick?

When I say it was hot at work tonight I mean there was a woman in the queue wearing some faux leather trousers and right around now she’ll be needing a fucking CNC machine to be getting out of them.