Which Sith Lord was into construction? Darth Exca-vader

Also, you have to play man-to-man war. None of this man-to-man defense nonsense. (Playing zone is still allowed but discouraged.)

It's time for another round: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQd4... Remember: Tom Holland Rule in effect. You must repost (here or elsewhere) if you see this.

What do people at construction sites smoke? To-backhoe.

If you are looking for a burial place, it's tombscrolling

I get the pun. I get it is supposed to be a joke. But, just maybe don't. Equating balls with courage is not great. It implies people without balls can't be courageous. Just use guts instead.

Why did the skeleton crime boss hire a bunch of goons? She needed the muscle No, I won't be issuing an apology 😀

Much easier to catch than those fast bumps

The Medieval Masterpiece, the Book of Kells, Is Now Digitized and Available Online

As good as ever 🙂

I regret to inform you that Nemik's manifesto is the new Tom Holland “Umbrella.” You have to repost every time. It’s just where we are. #ihavefriendseverywhere youtu.be/-asb8zTiuZ4?...

This is quite the ridge over the eastern half of the U.S. and Canada. It's warmer in Moosonee, Ontario—located on the shores of James Bay—than it is down in New Orleans.

Going to have wait a bit longer since he's, you know

Why did the chicken cross the road? To release the Epstein files

So, who won? Team Edward or Team Jacob?

David Cross folks.

Riyafh Comedy Fest acts cont. Gabriel Iglesias Jim Jefferies Jimeoin Maz Jobrani Jessica Kirson Jo Koy Bobby Lee Sebastian Maniscalco Sam Morril Mark Normand Russell Peters Jeff Ross[6] Sugar Sammy[7] Andrew Santino Andrew Schulz Tom Segura Ali Siddiq Aries Spears Chris Tucker Jack Whitehall

According to Wikipedia, the comedians scheduled to appear at the festival include: Mo Amer Aziz Ansari Wayne Brady Hannibal Buress Bill Burr Jimmy Carr Dave Chappelle Louis C.K. Whitney Cummings Pete Davidson Chris Distefano Omid Djalili Zarna Garg Ben Hart Kevin Hart 1/

The Rapture happened but all of the people who were raptured live in Africa

HR: Your email to your boss includes the phrase "turd brained pickle dick." You: That was a typo. Sorry.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. That also was the best time to buy a house. Why didn't you buy a house then? If you had, you would be able that house for a huge profit and buy another house except that it's a really bad time to buy a house now so

The best time to plant a tree was like 100 years ago before this was turned into a parking lot.

As Fred pulls the mask off of the villain amid the flock of goats, the goat herder looks at the baby ones and sneers, "I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you kids"

*DOG: “You're finally back! I missed you so much!!”

Sometimes, it's just like, nose, how can you fit that much mucus in there?

A new piece I wrote appearing in FOREIGN AFFAIRS today www.foreignaffairs.com/germany/warn...

If Jake Gyllenhaal were cool, he'd send the sweater as an engagement gift 😀

I think about this every day in my current job.

REM because fuck Michael Stipe

I also wish ill to JK Rowling

Slightly diminish a band: Frowny Face for Fears

You can make fun of the Tx gov without being abelist

Innervision is an all-time top ten album.

Dry erase boards are remarkable

@mapcenter.com do you have suggestions for a 5yo's first atlas?

I didn’t know rabbits liked trampolines, but then again…..

Actual size

This is an example of a certain type of dude who would rather not say sorry, made a mistake

Assuming this is real, and from what we know of him, it probably is, it is truly repellent. You do not belong in society while holding views like this.

Does this feel like Irish erasure to anyone?

Cower move: peel nothing and hide in the corner behind the couch

Me to 4yo: what do you see in the water? 4yo *throws stick into the water* : a stick

I feel like there aren't enough people making fun of the stupid-looking microphones that podcasters use

If you're smoking a cigar on a public beach, you can go fuck yourself and then choke on your cigar

Stay to the very end.

The Great Famine in 1840s Ireland wasn't a famine, it was policy. There was plenty of food but it was sent to England and the Irish were left to starve or emigrate. The 1 Big Bill is the same. There's enough med care but some won't get it by policy and will be left to die.

He's a 10 but well actually he's a 4

"Well, I finally found a woman who is impressed by the size of your penis"

Discussing with 4yo important info he needs to know: Me: Where do you live? 4yo: Earth!