Making the same stupid joke to the college students working behind the Dierbergs deli counter until they demand I leave

LRS: that’s in competition for funniest thing The Onion has ever done

Laker Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash

Well there was a time where this sort of thing looked silly from my perspective

Why Bam Adebayo should have stopped at 19,999 women rather than taking Wilt’s mark

today at the World Metaphors Classic the leader of the USA didn't bother to find out the details of the situation his team was in and blindly assumed they would win a matchup they ended up losing, jeopardizing their long-term standing for no good reason

“With podcaster” is written with so much malice

That is so many points

Opening up every window in the house. Peak weather

Drinkwitz needs to grow a beard now

“Please don’t make us talk to our kids”

What’s the name of the show again?

MLB media is reaching nfl media levels of boot licking lately

I won’t pretend to speak for them. But I will pretend to speak TO them!

lol Lou Holtz died

There will never be competitive balance in baseball as long as owners like Bob Nutting exist

Hey I don’t think these glasses should be legal

NBC should commit to the bit and hide the score bug to keep the viewer from changing the channel

This means the movie is going to be a bunch of Charlie Kirk jokes instead of bad humor at the expense of trans people, right?

Don’t show me closeups of his neck, please

Lol

Hello, my name is Brian Hoffman and I’m reading WAY too much into Marmol’s 2029 team option

Literally killed it with hammers. www.npr.org/2026/02/28/n...

It was a multi day crisis when New York tried to cap soda sizes

We are never getting a good TV show again

Kash Patel Faces Backlash After Partying With Nancy Guthrie’s Captors https://theonion.com/kash-patel-faces-backlash-after-partying-with-nancy-guthries-captors/

The Simpsons animation style absolutely nails the blank stare

Bro, trust us. It’s faster

Thinking about getting into interstate crime. Seems like a really good tike to get into that

I also would recommend that you simply sleep through all of the current CBS News segments

Enjoy your stuffie, Nathan

I’d beat your ass if you handed me a stuffed animal after I lost

Some lucky Italian is going to find one of those silver medals in a trash can later today and it’s going to make their day!

Lol it’s 8am in parts of canada, what a fucking miserable start for some of them

normies: more Olympic hockey overtime!!!! so exciting hockey fans: once again we are subjected to The Great Travesty

Just listen to what Andrew’s nickname was amongst royal protection officers.

Finally no more regular lamps!

It's like in baseball when a team wins a challenge because a would-be base stealer slid above the bag for a fraction of a second with the tag still applied

Everyone looks really happy to be there!

It’s also entertainment! There is no other form of entertainment where being bad on purpose is an acceptable practice!

It must be a dream of every lawyer to be able to say something like this to a client

In response European countries are creating an online portal that will enable people in the United States to watch pornhub

🥾👅

Does he?

Uh oh

A friend left a party at 9:30 on a Saturday. Not tired. Not sick. But because it sucked ass