Do you think Scott Adams reunited in heaven with the son he murdered like it was the ending of sinners

My younger kid has an emotional support hockey stick (carries it around with him everywhere, gets upset when he has to put it down etc.) but he’s small and keeps hitting me with it in the shins while walking around the house. This must be what living with Brad Marchand feels like

“Canada is a medium sized high school” moment. Went to buy my older kid a hockey helmet at Canadian Tire and the guy who helped me is cousins with a guy who just got drafted by the Minnesota Wild. Then I went to the LCBO and recognized a guy who used to work at the one near me.

being a rich tech guy in the 90s must have been so sick. every morning you start a web page that sells ring tones, sell it at lunch for 2 million dollars, get dinner at a “sushi” restaurant and go to a night club wearing a cologne called Apartheid Sapphire

🎶I’m dreaming of a whiiiiite boxing day

donald trump insulting a tragically murdered beloved director, starting an aggressive and illegal war in venezuela for no reason, then the epstein files hopefully finally releasing this friday is a generational run of potential worst possible week for any president in awhile

Feeling skeptical that I have enough oil this time

People don’t discuss the Parenting Overton Window enough. First one gets the sniffles and you’re terrified they have consumption. Checking their temperature every 20 minutes, debating going to Emerg. Second kid falls and cuts open their lip? Shit, guess that one’s just a bleeder.

The rest of the movie is pretty mid, but the opening scene of 28 Weeks Later is one of the absolute best openings in any horror movie ever. Explains everything you need to know about the world, provides stakes and consequences in about 5-6 minutes.

Maybe this kid will like hockey

I think everyone should have kids but man hearing my boys argue in the basement is so damn tedious. I know the older one is overreacting but I also know the younger one is being a dickhead and now I gotta go play peacemaker cause they can’t just watch Octonauts in peace.

Finished rewatching Stranger Things ahead of the final season coming out. The show really rests on the laurels of the first season. Really agonizing rewatch past season two.

This is the right wing equivalent to batting for the cycle

We’re really playing fast and loose with the sounds of letters when it comes to pronouncing the name Joaquin.

I love the fantasy elements of Pluribus, like an altruistic species or being able to have an entire grocery store to yourself.

Watching Land Before Time with my kids. It’s well past time they were forever traumatized.

CLAIM: The government is run by a secret society of pedophiles RATING: FALSE. This society is in no way a secret

Uber keeps sending me push notifications about their services. Dude I’ll use you when I’m going somewhere but I’m currently a 39 year old father, I don’t do shit unless it’s a child’s extracurriculars.

Gotta be playing in the NHL if you want to be considered an NHL player. He’s not currently and it was agreed upon by 32 teams that he’s not after he went unclaimed on waivers.

Had my kid sort and count out his candy (it was his school homework) but also made him pose like it was a drug bust

Man I cannot wait to dig into the shit as fuck leafs now. We’ve been letting those assholes off the hook cause of the new hotness but now it’s time for the hate to really flow.

I don't know the next time I'll be that close to sports joy again.

Sad in a group

Tried to sneak a photo of a cute doggo and accidentally had long exposure on and I believe I have created man’s greatest expression of art

I have a working theory that all my sports misery can be avoided by turning off the team currently pissing me off and rewatching 2001’s Band of Brothers.

Winnable game they pissed away

Baffling challenge

Typical give up early in the second period

You know who better have a great game tonight after (rightfully but very pointedly) calling out the stars and the coaching staff? Anthony Stolarz.

A deal is a deal sports gods.

Poor from Nylander there, not great from Stolie either. Oh well.

Refs are hilarious. A clear face/head injury and they don’t want to stop play because the Kraken have the advantage. Dude safety. Safety.

At the risk of upsetting the Italians on here, Carlo has been fucking brutal tonight

Not sure I've ever seen a goalie pull the "knock the net flying so the guy who just ran over you can't hide in there" move before.

I wish the league would protect all goalies but Anthony Stolarz in particular.

This should still be a power play for the Leafs, I don’t care what Stolie did. Marchment is a piece of fucking shit here.

Chris Tanev old man barely any contact injury? Fuccck

Oh my fucking god what a laser by JT

Tavares and Nylander have played so much together that they share a brain out there sometimes. Tavares’ brain to be clear.

Rielly good shot

Hit my toddler with renditions of B-I-N-G-O and Old McDonald back to back and he lost his fucking mind. You woulda thought it was Freebird followed by… another Freebird based on his reaction.

we love edgy jokes about gas chambers and rape unless it’s jokes about charlie kirk dying, which if you do that, you’ll be punished and deported and free speech revoked

Me: I wanna go to Goochland Restaurant Wife: we have Goochland at home

shocked the Leafs didn’t take a penalty before Knies did.

Leafs are absolutely gonna concede a third one soon here.

Fucking leafs

Dude, fuck off

“Enh enh boo boo, you are a lo…sing bad guy team” - 6 y/o’s appraisal of the Nashville Predators.

Glad our handsome Swedish right winger has three goals in three games.

Calle Jarnkrocket Richard