It’s January 4th. I’ve decided on my 2026 goal: I am going to steadfastly invite anything pitched to me as a “challenge” to go fuck itself.

“I think the onions are almost carmelized.”

Words That Shouldn’t Kill Your Holiday Spirit But Totally Do. I’ll go first: “Press at seam with back of spoon…”

My husband just sincerely and unprovoked said I made my orthotics look sexy and that is yet another reason I’m convinced I won the lottery.

Tonight I made penuche for real. It is possibly the best thing I’ve ever made in my life and I am elated and sobbing because it was my dad’s favorite and he died before I learned how. So… the holidays are weird. Yeah.

If it doesn’t work out, it’s how I wanted to go. Pspspsps

True. It’s “just” a bowl. But I have spent so much of my daughter’s life hoping for her to find an outlet that gives her happiness and a sense of pride. She found ceramics. She made this. It gives me joy because it is beautiful and because she made it.

Ever watch someone on a treadmill just slightly too fast for them but they arrogantly refuse to admit it? That’s the vibes I get from Karoline Leavitt.

We have finally normalized (and even glorify) whipping cream being shot from the can directly into one’s mouth whilst leaning on the open frige door. Now I really would like to see more representation of squeezing cookie dough out of the tube in the same way.

A Review: Probably written with Ryan Reynolds in mind, “Red One” scored way out of its league with Chris Evans. Fun, charming, and full of places I could have made it even better if they’d asked me but they didn’t. I hope Dwayne Johnson is nice in real life. Lucy Liu is so good and her bangs are 😍

There are so many people living lives of quiet dignity despite horrific medical news or poverty or tragedy where every day they still wake up and try to be good people in the world even as the world pushes against them and it makes me even angrier at the absolute shitheads that rule over things

Do I have any Holiday Traditions? I sure as fuck do! For more than twenty years, every time I hear, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…” I audibly intone, “Poor Chet.”

After nearly an hour of looking, we found the sump pump exactly where I thought it would be: with the deflated balls, air mattress, and the things to reinflate them. My husband is confused by this. I am not.

I’m not disappointed. I’m just angry. - Mom

Describe your cat’s personality with one photo.

I may have misheard but I hope I didn’t: There is a horse working at Disneyland whose name is Perp.

Whenever people complain about the number of folks relying on food stamps, it is worth reminding them that SNAP is, by too large of a degree, a subsidy for corporations that refuse to pay a living wage and their political allies who reject public policy prescriptions to reduce income inequality.

CHILD: Are you Zack and Cody’s Mom? ME (conspiratorially): It’s my Halloween costume. Good, right?

HUSBAND: Hey, babe? Any reason the garage door is still open? ME: *deer in headlights* uhhhhhhh… I had…. Uhhhh… I had a… had aaaaa HUSBAND: Side quest? ME: YES! I love him so much.

I love how no one is accusing me of stealing Napoleon’s jewels, but when 22 tons of cheese went missing, I got alllllllll the side-eye. You really do know me.

Autism is not just about being "quirky," and those who claim otherwise should not be taken seriously as autism advocates, org representatives, by the media—or by anyone who wants to truly support autistic people. From @epballou.bsky.social via TPGA archives: thinkingautismguide.com/2018/05/auti...

No Kings! Only Timelords. A thread for people wondering if they would enjoy the inflatable-costume-at-a-protest:

I’m not really a live-skeeter. But I had to stop my frog dance to tell you that there is a deafening amount of honking coming from big ol lifted trucks here in my tiny town.

Today’s reason to like humans:

Black Bloc: - Immediate target - you look like feds - 10% of you are feds Frog Bloc: - feds don't know where to shoot you - deflection perimeter for less lethal rounds - your respirator and body armor are hidden - even if you are a fed, you're still a dancing frog

My boss: so how's our fourth quarter looking? Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but

I am old, tired and jaded. I gave up my place to those younger and better equipped, I told myself. So why did I just buy an inflatable frog costume?

And now we only eat guitars! HAPPY RAPTURE, EVERYONE!

Was it abandoned or did it escape to follow its big dreams? Either way, I love where I live.

Greg the Bunny.

Shoutout to all the NFL people posting on Bluesky. All you mfers posting clips and graphs and telling us about groin injuries are doing the work of kings.

Your social circle sapphic needs to be informed of this

Hi. Yes, the world is in flames. This is your reminder not to preheat your air fryer with the liner in the basket or those flames are gonna be literal.

They don’t have an account here, but I still wanted to share.

Sorry I stabbed your jelly orb. My mitochondria are pretty challenged. Waddya gonna do? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Derek Walcott

I give good promo, in my opinion.

Are you looking for a sense of community and camaraderie? Garden supply at 7:30 AM. Gender, politics,color… none of it matters in the face of irrigation hardware and locating the cheap mulch.

World is a bit of a shitshow. I’m finding joy where I can. I HELD A MARMOSET YESTERDAY!

My loves! We've made it through an entire decade of bucking the norm and being Wayward AF. So glad to have been on this journey with you! We're celebrating with these tees if you want to adorn your outsides, but even if not, you'll always have that strength inside you. shopstands.com/collections/...

A few years ago, I moved to a teensy, tiny town. I am currently alone in NY. I shall probably be regaling you with my musings for a some days.

I’m fascinated at watching myself in real time see a headline, assume it’s The Truth, feel defeated, decide to give up, and then have a tiny spark that is getting larger and larger every time this happens shout, “NOPE! NOPE! WAIT A MINUTE…. At some point it will quit having any power over me.

Here is my most recent experience with AI.

*HERD

Two young lads were next to me on the plane. One told the other, “Oh yeah. It’s easy to tear someone’s finger off.” I need you to applaud that I did not turn to them slowly and say, “In fact, it is not,” then return to my reading material.

“Ah. This item pertains to a recent question in a conversation! I’m sure everyone else has been pondering it as frequently as I have! I shall share my illuminating information so no one is confused!” *proceeds to confuse literally everyone.

My friend spent the evening amusing me by designing 80’s mashup shirts. If they amuse you too, support an independent artist…. damondesign.printful.me

My horoscope told me I was about to enter my final form. And, lo, the world rises to meet me.

“And to CELEBRATE? Let’s have GLADIATOR FIGHTS ON THE FRONT LAWN!!!” JFC.

I’m so chaotic good it happens even when I’m not there.