CINEMA SECRET: A DELETED SCENE for Back to the Future would have involved the entirety of ROMANCING THE STONE but filmmakers decided to make that a different movie released earlier.

Write a detective novel in which a gumshoe must overcome a cold to seek out a lost scent when the sniff part has been stolen from a line of scratch and sniff stickers.

Write a romance novel that's just a 150, 200 page description of butter melting.

Parallel universe where the only difference is that all of Vinnie Jones' and Toby Jones' roles are reversed.

Are there movies based on songs that aren't musicals?

Wanna feel old? This is what Baby Yoda looks like now. *photo of regular Yoda*

I sold a shredder to a man who after arriving 40 minutes late looked me in the eye and said, "Craig, don't dismiss this moment. This is providential."

You may have known me on twitter as Joyce Carol Oates

Pitch an episode of Law & Order in which somebody downloads a car.

Write a conspiracy thriller in which an investigator uncovers that the Charleston was the original C-Walk.

I was around when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain. Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed his fate.

Been rewatching Golden Girls. Grew up with the dub, it's crazy how different the sub is.

Whitehouse dot gov petition to get Jack Nicholson to do one more Jake Gittes movie.

Anybody wanna go to Elk City OK? I've got a line on dozens of antique sewing cabinets.

They've figured out the tower.

Write a sci-fi novel about a used calendar salesman who strikes it rich via time travel.

Giving up writing to start a youtube channel called "Is Bjork Still Famous" where I post videos of me going up to strangers and asking if Bjork is still famous.

Okay but in that Squirrel Nut Zippers song the guy says teeth are extruded and bones are ground and baked into cakes which are passed around, but if that's right, how are they eating the cakes without teeth?

My cat has disappeared.

I got something to say: I wrapped your presents today

Prequel called Strange Things.

Die Hard was actually appropriated from pagans

For Christmas I got my granddad's Heart Shield Bible from WW2. He's been dead since the early '90s, and this has apparently just been in a box of stuff for all these years, and now it's here.

Rewrite Upton Sinclair's The Jungle but instead of exposing the meatpacking industry it digs into the working conditions in Santa's workshop.

Rewrite Upton Sinclair's The Jungle but instead of exposing the meatpacking industry it digs into the working conditions in Santa's workshop.

Here's my sister last night trying not to pee because my brother, not wanting to take any more photos, refused to stop making faces.

Write a dystopian novel in which Amazon institutes a naughty and nice list in an attempt to put Santa out of business.

Considering all the evidence, I don’t think Leroy Brown was the baddest man in the whole damn town.

I've been feeding her for years at a distance and suddenly she's decided we're best buds.

Write a tell all revealing that Smooth Criminal was written about a dolphin.

An old house that needs a little love, and the thing hiding inside. A FIXER UPPER, out now in Farewell Transmission.

You have to make a choice.

Still forgot to change the price. Sign up for the book club cheap and see what happens!

*wiping sweat off brow* oh my stars, these heights certainly are wuthering

Write a crime story in which Santa's illicit milk and cookies business is explored, showing how he's laundered these gains through a front toy shipping concern for years.

I'm babysitting.

What a time to be alive.

the verse (2026, blumhouse)

Ghostwrite a self help book in which Wile E Coyote explains how once he learned to stop looking down he was able to walk on air.

Got a couple full sets sent off today. Still a fair number of everything left. I thought I had a few of the out of print ones too someplace, but they haven't turned up yet. If they do I'll post those too.

really went dark for the sequel

We’re turning lemons into steeply discounted books. Moving forward, we’ll resell returned copies for $13 flat, allowing us to recoup costs without counting returns against royalties. malarkeybooks.com/store/returns