@cold-signal.com Are you all still here? Just checking back to see if the next issue is still in the works. Thank you.

I got served today by someone who apparently is looking for someone else with my name, as if I'm being sued in place of a doppelganger. This has been a very strange week.

Write a novel in which an enterprising senator takes advantage of a government shutdown and springs up a brand new government in its place by offering a pizza party on Fridays for all who join.

Write a legal thriller in which a man sues Dionysus, claiming that it makes no sense for a centaur to be half man, half horse, when the name in actuality implies the creature is half centipede and half guitar.

From the notebook of unwritten stories.

Dance Tonight.

A vision of a haunted Bierstadt

Dance Tonight.

Remake Elephant Man but instead of being disfigured he's lactose intolerant and instead of lying down at the end he drinks a big glass of whole milk.

Remake Elephant Man but instead of being disfigured he's lactose intolerant and instead of lying down at the end he drinks a big glass of whole milk.

You read the book. And now, like Danzig, you've got something to say, but unlike Danzig you can't put it in song. Well pal, there's a Goodreads for just such a conundrum.

We can’t fix this world but we can put more books in it. To a lot of people that doesn’t matter but often it’s the things that people think don’t matter that are the most meaningful. I don’t know.

Me crossing t's and dotting i's on the plan to fake my own death.

You read the book. And now, like Danzig, you've got something to say, but unlike Danzig you can't put it in song. Well pal, there's a Goodreads for just such a conundrum.

we have two signed copies of Detective Novel by @abasketofcraig.bsky.social left. Maybe you’d like one of them? malarkeybooks.com/store/detect...

That's a review.

You don’t know what the future holds, unless you join the Malarkey Book Club, and then you know that the future holds books! malarkeybooks.com/malarkey-boo...

Write a horror novel in which the trees all shed their skins and the things inside begin their awful dance.

Happy anniversary to this zine I wish I had more copies of.

Write a sci-fi horror novel in which AI achieves utopian heights but a long forgotten Will Smith spaghetti video escapes containment and rendered insane it begins destroying its high functioning rivals.

That's a review.

Write a legal drama in which The Innocence Project attempts to get video out of prison for what it's alleged to have done to the radio star.

Pitch a William Gibson remake of 1998 romcom You've Got Mail.

Person detected at doorbell.

Write a psychological horror novel in which characters in movies forget the fourth wall altogether and begin breaking the fifth wall by watching the movie with us.

All those kids from the Soul Asylum video ended up in Shredder's Foot Clan.

There's a short in this book called Romance Novel. Detective Novel is a de facto sequel to this. Some overlap in people and places. I wrote the first draft in maybe 2008. Back then it was a 200 page novel. It sucked. The final version was written a couple years ago, pared down to the essentials.

*Werner Herzog voice*: Did I do that?

There's a short in this book called Romance Novel. Detective Novel is a de facto sequel to this. Some overlap in people and places. I wrote the first draft in maybe 2008. Back then it was a 200 page novel. It sucked. The final version was written a couple years ago, pared down to the essentials.

Hit me up, I will send you so many short stories it'll make your head spin.

Write a tell all revealing when Prince sang this is what it sounds like when doves cry he was describing the song Free Bird.

Hit me up, I will send you so many short stories it'll make your head spin.

Write a dystopian novel in which the RIAA begins sending out summonses because that song stuck in your head has been played over and over without compensation.

Write a horror novel in which you wake up in a bathtub full of ice to find the two wolves inside you are gone.

nervously humming along with the Weyland-Yutani customer care hotline hold music as screams of terror draw ever nearer

Comic Strip #10 is out today.

they should let GWAR make a tampon commercial

Write a conspiracy thriller alleging digital timekeeping was invented to prevent broken clocks from being right twice a day.

I am cursed.

Write a tell all in which 50 Cent reveals the club from hit single In da Club was Bill Maher's Club Random.

My ears are burning.

every day it becomes more and more clear that philip k dick was completely sane