Someone fetch your nana, she’s k-holed and talking to undercover journalists again

Still wired from this afternoon, but also done in / lazy, so imagine I’ve actually bothered to edit the Blaydon Races over this instead of merely suggesting it

Several thousand anti-fascists mobilised and only a couple of hundred knuckledraggers turned up in the end

Trying to decide which of the four counter protests I’m aware of in Newcastle tomorrow, who are all meeting in different places

Not me running extra slow so the Alien catches me first

I think the people of pretend alt-60s Noo Yoik were far too lenient to the Fantastic 4. I’d have just given Finchy from the Office that fucking baby.

The apex of Japanese cinema.

It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

I’m trying to watch Ring, but Joni is bored and keeps licking the top of my head, and it’s kind of working against the intended atmosphere

Took the girls on a two and a half hour walk, it started pissing it down after twenty minutes, now we’re back and I’m surrounded by mildly damp dogs

For reasons best known to her, my sister has introduced her kids to Twilight. Which means I have now watched fifteen minutes of one of them, and can confidently say this would be much better if it was a story about a hot werewolf who can’t decide between the whingy girl and a sexy thicc Labrador

As part of my ongoing efforts to wreak sweet revenge on my anti-nerd siblings for the obscene levels of babysitting I do… Having successfully gotten my nephews into Games Workshop, and the full lot of them into Studio Ghibli, my niece is now bringing exposed to *dangerous* amounts of Star Trek

Mum and dad having another one of their exciting retirement getaways

Hate it when some weird cunt just states stares at you on the Metro

And now we play the waiting game

Anyone else suddenly realising that Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel are completely different people?

Oh that makes sense

For a brief time you could get Biscoff’s own chocolate bars, and they were an absolute delight. Then earlier this year they seemed to vanish and now you can only ever get this dry and tasteless POS.

New in HOUSE MAGAZINE – Guy Ware’s short story, ‘The Opposite of Godot’ #HouseMagazine #BookSky

RIP Robert Redford. If anyone wants me I’m be watching ‘Three Days of the Condor’ and melting into a puddle on the floor.

Buckle up, buckaroos. I’m going in…

imagine getting qt dunked by ed davey. unrecoverable. you’re furious and he is serenely going down a log flume in bognor regis.

Surely he’s trying to get sacked at this point? This is a man who’s absolutely given up.

We’ve hit Guinness drinking weather at last

Space Hulk victory selfie. Happy to report the plucky genestealer horde have annihilated the fascist Space Marine twats in the name of the Tyranid Hive Mind

Kier Starmer awaits in stricken silence, abandoned by even his staunchest aides, as the Bang Bus glides implacably closer

"…and Magda Goebbels made a great strudel.”

‘Final question, Leon: are we human or are we dancer?

Eight years since I went to a talk on homeopathy in the NHS and some homeopathists who looked like they ran a shop called ‘Cuddles for Unicorns’ interrupted, claimed they had successfully persuaded people to stop taking their chemo, and came very close to getting decked by a cancer survivor

And what Bang Bus, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Oxford to be born?

Imagining the approach of the Bang Bus similar to Gareth Edwards version of Godzilla, were the crowds of tiny people scream and wail at the less impressive monsters, but can only fall into an awed and reverent silence when the big G arrives

‘Patriot’ spy/stoner comedy/drama that I absolutely loved and nobody I speak to ever seems to have heard of. RIP.

Want to thank the nurse who took my bloods yesterday for really going out of his way to make me look my best for today’s date

I’m 43, I shouldn’t be sniggering like mutley and watching on repeat, and yet here we are

It happened to me. (The PrEP clinic told me I’m now enough of a whore to get immunised for gonorrhoea.)

Thought I had no opinions on Charlie Kirk but just heard a rumour the shooter got away cause some random old guy shouted ‘And I’d do it again!’ and got arrested instead (despite having no involvement) and I really wish I’d have the balls to do random shit like that if I saw a n[CENSORED]

I opened Word and Copilot was very keen to help but then suddely got a little reticent

Ah now that takes me back

Drastic move from Mandelson but to be fair he is off the front page.

I might be upset about Matt Berry, but it’s hard to tell because I’m mainly really, really surprised

Honestly, online nostalgia just gets weirder and weirder

Instead of an early night I'm in lagerbier hell with Augustinerbräu München I’ve spent six hours drinking well It's not this stuff isn't tasty but the pics like Robert Prosky Gremlins twos my favourite and no wedding should go to wastey

Running on about two hours sleep, busiest work period of the year, run ragged on my feet since 6.30am, invited to a slightly odd ‘joint fortieth’ for a couple who both turned 40 months ago, only intended to stop by for an hour, it was only a surprise fucking wedding

Just booked up for a Christmas trip to Bruges

Raided my mum and dad’s chilli plants, got plans for these bad girls

Dog’s crying, thanks government

Eventually books where an English professor can get a full time job at a university will be sci-fi, so it won't be lit-fic's problem anymore