JD Vance, are you free in October

Two minutes for the person with a reservation next to me on this train carriage to do the decent thing and just not turn up

Fantastic 48 hrs in London.

Fair play Proost you fruity little man, you were right about these

Progression of Prince Edward from probable demon twink to full blown fascist at the National Portrait Gallery

Impeccable choice of neighbours at the National Portrait Gallery, no notes

Middle aged / older guys on trains who watch loud videos are really not used to be asked to turn them down. Just asked a guy if he couldn’t put some headphones in (admittedly I was a little tetchy) and you’d think I’d threatened to shoot his dog

OH SHIT THAT WHALE IS UNIMPRESSED

Furiously reading one Romantasy book after the other, driven to fits of apoplectic rage by the absence of Romans in any of them

When I get a new follower

‘Eternal Darkness’…

It’s after 7pm and I’m mincing around outside in a t-shirt

My Calamondin survived the winter, just, so no doubt it will soon be covered by those weird little oranges you eat with the skin on

Three more years of this eh?

There were 13 months between the Cuban Missile Crisis and that day in Dallas. But, you know, everything seems to be getting quicker these days

These two guys are currently counting the insurance money from the Wireless Festival.

PICTURED: Donald Trump signs deal with Iran

Nuclear war is looming. Too much doomscrolling. Only one thing you can do on a night like this. Break out the big guns. Cook up some lamb and some curry and watch that episode of The Simpsons where Millhouse’s parents get divorced.

You know what would really impress Jodie Foster right now?

Temu ad on Instagram implying they offer rent boys now

Doing my best to have a lazy morning

Hot cross bun doughnut for breakfast, would make Jesus die all over again

Hallelujah! He has risen! 🍻

Was in a bar for this match, and the room either really hated Liverpool or really liked this Viking looking motherfucker here

I like it when friends from the other side of the country turn up unexpectedly (but only if I’m free to see them, otherwise I get really annoyed)

The quiet horror of being an adorable chocolate animal, devoured a piece at a time, the lucky ones losing their head first so the suffering can’t be drawn out

There’s some very angry people in the Costco petrol queue

The anticipation of waiting for an improv night you didn’t really want to go to to start, you can feel yourself getting drunker, with every beer that ‘no heckling’ rule feels more and more like a suggestion

It’s the bank holiday lads

My friend Andy just won the North East Playwriting Award

Idly watching that Monarch/Godzilla series and think this is the ‘monsterverse’s’ third go at female-character-with-psychic-link-to-big-beastie, but once again they haven’t had the guts to give her a catchy, colourful, and mildly racist song and dance number because they’re QUITTERS!

Sunday night babysitting movie time

My alcoholic aunt is trying to sell us on Dubai chocolate, she says it’s almost as nice as Galaxy

This is real isn’t it? I’ve not been sent Hitchens crazy by the clock change?

The Grauniad really tugging at the heartstrings this morning, I might start them a JustGiving

Friday, off to a probably shit gig, can’t wait

Very proud of the Welsh football team's decision to boycott the World Cup.

Tonight’s viewing

Naive of me I know, but it’s genuinely caught me off guard how that potter tv thing just looks like a shot-for-shot remake of the films

"the good news is that we have found a relatively cheap and easy way to prevent the cast from going through puberty. the bad news is that not everybody in this room is going to like it".

Flashbacks to that French zombie series ‘The Returned’ where the creepy ghost boy grew about two foot between seasons

Big fan of this time of year

SHIN GODZILLA: [blasting an entire city in half with a laser beam] ME: [weeping] hes so lonely...

I don’t rate this new version of Orinoco Flow

Men’s mental health evening

Love sending my ex brother in laws Instagram stories to my mother

look at this baby beaver and feel better briefly (@ wildheartrescue on TT)

Got very excited by this list only to have a look at my MUBI app and find most of them aren’t on there

Convincing stuff