The paper's down, now it's time to improvise and really jam.

How long has he sounded like he's only got a few minutes left?

There was a time when our president's senility wasn't so bad that he didn't have to write down his rambling insults ahead of time.

Not worried about this loss of tariff revenue because the 10B lawsuit against the IRS will surely rebalance the economy.

Sad to find out that a friend has an acute case of AI psychosis and thinks they're hunting serial killers using ChatGPT but whatever, your beef is mines, let's drop some rough justice on Zodiac.

staring at the screen, no ideas, the empty prompt window confronting you with your own mediocrity -- welcome to the work, chump, you loser.

While looking for Mike Love in Epstien’s emails (show yourself, Love) I found an email called RE: Muffin Recipe!!! that’s definitely about literal muffins because no one seems interested in eating those muffins.

This is a VERY Norwegian thing to do.

Most Doctor Who’s have been to Epstein’s island.

Epstein duck

To read this letter will curse you to only read in a Foghorn Leghorn voice for the rest of your life.

whyyyyyyyyy am I just finding out about Dark Winds?

Their tiny little steps!

Has Maye played football before today? If not it’s impressive that he’s hung in like this, those football players are tough.

My dad didn’t live long enough to see Buffalo win the Super Bowl, but he would have loved to have seen NE choke this hard.

A congratulations and sincere thanks to the team who worked long hours over Christmas to bring our vision of making Sam Neill look like utter dogshit to life. #SuperBowl #JurassicPark #WhenTheEdibleHits #BotoxNightWithTheWestTasmaniaPussyPosse

Don’t be scared of The Number One Club, you dweebs.

Whenever some catches the ball I involuntarily say “boop.”

Well that was inspiring, now let’s watch these Russian robots bone and sell vodka.

I’ve never seen anyone so ready to start screaming like Vrabel does right now.

I’m going to lose 50k if the Rizzler doesn’t appear in a commercial before halftime.

My daughter doesn’t know what to do with me laying on the couch watching a football game and I guess this is virtue signaling what I’m doing right here.

Every once in a while it’s good to be reminded that minions are an actual thing and not just a yardstick for perversion.

Every ad agency in the country has someone who’s making an advertising trends PowerPoint right now with a slide that says “celebrity endorsements.” Trying to decide if he wants to put this presentation on everyone’s calendar during lunch or maybe wait until the end of the day.

Unsettling that Joe Montana dresses just like me.

Payton Manning looks like he could sell me a couch at any moment.

The best part of the national anthem montage was the slo mo of Craft writing a check to ICE.

Drum corps exist to give the barbershop singers something to shit on.

I have no context for the Nancy Guthrie thing or this sheriff, but I'm pretty sure this is what I look like in every meeting.

Not the SVA faculty member that I would have bet on to go down with Sex Crime Island, but okay.

Effective immediately, 700 people will break something on their way out.

Ohhhhhhh, that’s who Gary Larson was drawing

The engaging and vital Ricky Gervais.

ten years ago today no one clapped

we said all along that they wanted Gawker dead not because we embarrassed a pro wrestler but because the Epstein story is one Gawker was covering a decade before most other people caught up & was just one of many stories exposing powerful people and their misdeeds

Around-the-clock screening of Melania couldn’t save the Kennedy Center.

For Liam.

"Melania Movie, everybody loves Melania Movie, they're all saying it. Not as much as Home Alone 2, they're very clear about that, they loved Home Alone 2 more. It made more money than Rain Man, you didn't know that did you? Millions more than Bridesmaids. Also all Americans are now under arrest."

Kudos to Elon, who is such a loser he couldn’t buy or beg his way onto Sex Crime Island.

We need to make a collective vow to protect Julia Fox, who is a living Catherine O’Hara character.

Would frame a permission slip for a class trip to see Melania.

Apparently Washington was the only bathed person in the 13 colonies.

that's why in every theater you can hear the sound of the fans

New Kneecap sounds like early Meat Beat Manifesto or Wax Trax EBM, which is to say Spoony likey.

Homan is the guy at the hardware store who patronizes the shit out of you for having questions but also refuses to give you direct answers. He even completes the look with those stupid readers on his nose.

I’m no chemist, but that syringe looks like it’s filled with the piss of a dehydrated person with a garbage diet.

Just like Ice T…Omar didn’t run from them, she ran at them.

A member of our school board is also a member of ICE and my question for him is, do you have time for an extra job? So far he’s been better at ratting out kids with immigrant parents than making a good school district.

A friend told me about being in Franco's Spain when he was young, and how when he asked someone what he thought about Franco, the person closed his mouth, shook his head, and mimed someone shooting him in the back of the head. This is how my daughter reacts when I ask about the furries in her grade.