"What did people do before AirTags?" Well, if you were Catholic, you had Saint Anthony.

When life hands you citrons, you make lemons.

I've been seeing a lot of sexualized trailers for the Amanda Siegfried movie about the founder of a celibate Quaker sect. Is this a recruitment drive for a long dead religeon? Are people really that desperate for Shaker Quaker furniture that lasts? "Yes, they are."

"I'm writing a children's book about the Kennedy assassination. It's called, 'Where's Oswaldo?'" -- Bryan Hurzie

If you bring a box of tissues with you to Wicked you will be Popular.

Terry McMillan wrote a cajun cookbook, "How Stella Got Her Roux Back".

Eating while you cook is getting high off your own supply.

There are no cats in America and the streets are made of cheese!

Bummer about Dick Cheney at end of his life, he had a change of heart. 

The two main genres of self-help articles in 2025: “you should become a subsistence farmer so that corporations don’t poison you” and “you should let a magic 8 ball on your computer do everything for you”.

“This is not a time to be dismayed, this is punk rock time. This is what Joe Strummer trained you for.” Henry Rollins

Living in LA is being in love with someone beautiful, brilliant & angry at you.  LA tries your patience, nibbles at your sanity with a barrage of annoyances. You tilt your head, listen & you get a new perspective. They smile back at you & you remember why you fell in love in the 1st place.

Small dogs in purses are the original Labubus.

"Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken" This sleeper needs 10 more minutes..

"Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" At best, most of us just can't agree, "What part is baby and what part is bathwater?" At worst, some folks intentionally throw out the baby to save that precious precious bathwater.

They're nicknamed Earl Grey, because their tea is delicious.

We are all made of stardust and bullshit.

"You're a god sir." Yes, I'm the Roman one that got revealed to be a hand puppet In the early A.D.s.

"Too bad no one is going to get your polio jokes." Give it time I think they will.

Why do I get the feeling that this veterinarian deals with more humans than animals?

Fever and chills hitting R hard. On the plus side, my own fever crashed out quickly. R is a day to a day and a half behind me, and is going to have to get through a remote job interview tomorrow. (Yay for the opportunity, but ugh that sucks.) Reshares help.

It's an app for birdwatchers in Philadelphia. It's called Go Birds! I will see myself out now.

It's a dating app for puppets called "No Strings Attached".

"Gun fire or fireworks?" What is my least favorite pop quiz?

Moment of Zen

Michael Madsen has passed away, Uma Thurman wanted for questioning.

We need to talk about how many 80s & 90s movies involved child endangerment as a big part of the plotline

Another hoarder battle cry!

"Why do you pay attention to the news?" Because whether I like it or not, it pays attention to me .

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Rj-... The Real Story Producer Greg Daniels wanted lyrics to go with the theme song. There is a lost recorded version with lyrics. It was written by Boomhauer who forgot to write the lyrics. He keeps telling it to folks, but no one understands what he's saying.

"I can use that one day!" - Hoarder's Battle Cry

Why would a gorilla fight 100 men? They stole thier kitten. Now they have to get it back. With the right motivation the right gorilla would fight 100 men, to the death. Koko's Bad Ass Vengeance. That's the #elevatorpitch.

FUCK. THIS. All of this.

The Brady Bunch is not an accurate depiction of a blended family in the 1960s. It's also not an accurate depiction of healthcare in the 1960s. Stop treating it as such.  This has been my TED talk.

Give it three days. We'll see if he stays dead.

I like to drive slow on the left-hand lane because it's legal and I got the time. -- Paul Pappas

Anyone who uses the phrase "love and light" would gleefully be a party to unspeakable atrocities.

First they came for… hang on that’s the door

ICE disappeared a man with a green card today by pretending to hold an interview to finalize his US citizenship. That is fucking terrifying. www.msn.com/en-us/politi...

A lot of people would rather see others harmed than be helped, but I personally wouldn’t build a political movement around it.

"Just give it a couple years, it's gonna be amazing! You won't be able to tell the difference between an expert and them." I wish people were just as encouraging to one another's abilities as they are about Ai. Because the same can true about people too.

Move 👏🏼 up 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 Superman 👏🏼 release 👏🏼 date 👏🏼 so 👏🏼 we’ll 👏🏼 still 👏🏼 be 👏🏼 alive 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 see 👏🏼 it 👏🏼

It is 2002. I am 18 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis. It is 2008. I am 24 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis. It is 2020. I am 36 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis. It is 2025. I am 41 years old. We are in a—

You know what I'm tired of people saying the end of Grease is problematic. Sandy learned how to become a gigantic hoe bag slut. This is good.

Incredible news on TDOV. The 9th Circuit has denied the government’s request to enforce its transgender military ban. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

can u imagine how badly jeffrey goldberg probably wanted to jump into the chat "this stuff is wild guys not gonna lie can not believe i was invited"

Please stop using ChatGPT in general, but also, please, please stop using it and then taking what it says to you as fact. It's usually wrong! It doesn't fact check itself. It just creates approximations of information based on other text! It's basically magnetic poetry that sets the world ablaze.