May that which begins with an escalator end with an escalator

new slogan who dis

Raptured got stuck in tree send fire dept plz

If I get raptured my car’s on the Thursday side somebody please 🙏🏼

Don’t restart your Disney+ until we get the Epstein list too

Might as well skip the lawsuit and just break ground on the new Tylenol Ballroom @ The White House

Disney to bring back Kimmel. Go broke go woke.

Blame it on the Ty-y-y-y-y-ylenol

So which songs did they have Charlie’s hologram duet with Kid Rock?

Not watching the memorial. Let me know how Tony Hinchcliffe’s opener goes over

Excuse me is this bread line gluten free?

I’m anti fascism, lawlessness, layoffs, land-snatching, larceny and lactose. Anyone else AntiFaLaLaLaLa?

Someone needs to build an animatronic Alan Tudyk so we can see a robot play him for a change

Very unpleasant. #MakeAmericaGrayscaleAgain

Disney: you can’t cancel there’s a brand new Marvel/Star Wars series starting on the…. YOU STOP LAUGHING RIGHT NOW

What if he came back for two seconds and just said “actually it’s Epstain”

Have heard about this Kimmel thing?

Are both slots going to Leno?

PLEASE tell me Bill Maher said something shitty too 🤞🏼

🚨BREAKING: Kash Patel unable to answer why group chat w/Trump cabinet labeled The Epstein List

There’s just something unnatural about the cadence

When you see a photo of the two together it makes sense

🤷‍♂️

unfit.

Senate hearings are getting like open mics where everyone’s just there to record themselves and play the parts they like on the internet

“Kash me out” - FBI agent resigning in protest

“I am Charlie Kirk if it’s ok with my husband”

GRINDSET MINDSET *lobotomizes self with power drill*

Hello sorry of internet absence I love America Jesus and pie from apple

“you expect me to believe that all of a sudden—“ - a MAGA mad about something they just learned about that’s been around for hundreds or thousands of years

In honor of devout Christian free speech advocate Charlie Kirk’s ascent into Valhalla you have been fired for being mean

Belief and agreement don’t dictate reality testing and proof do

Dr keeps saying I need to stretch my superficial muscles or they’ll constrict my motion but I guess I’m just a slave to fascia

The name’s Intro, Skip Intro. Nice to m—

The last thing Charlie texted me was that we were no strangers to love. He knew the game and so did I. A full commitment's what he's thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy.

There’s been enough tragic gun violence on both sides and it needs to stop. It’s time for all of us to come together as Americans and learn to settle our differences with nunchucks

and now for something completely different:

This one’s GOTTA be true

right wingers: oh so now it’s a crime to *verbatim legal standard definition of that crime*?

If you did what Kilmeade recommended to say a tv news host you could fill their oversized home with so many now-formerly homeless people you wouldn’t be obligated to put down