today on the streetcar the man sitting across from me ended what seemed like an important business call with “well, as snoopy would say: gawrsh!” then he frowned, looked at me, mouthed “goofy?”, I nodded, then he said “I’m just being goofy!” and hung up, and gave me a thumbs up

help me compose a thread of kids' bangers I'll open with this unrelenting jam from Thundercat youtu.be/4Ls3PTRCXzs?...

DID YOU KNOW IF YOU FIND A HORSESHOE CRAB THATS BEEN TAGGED BY THE FISH AND WILDLIFE SERVICE AND SUBMIT THE LOCATION YOU SAW IT USING THE FORM ON FWS DOT GOV SLASH CRABTAG THEY SEND YOU A BEAUTIFUL CRAB PIN

Would you like to contribute an OBJECT to live in a WAREHOUSE GAME? I'm working on a parser fiction game where you play as a worker in the warehouse of the gods- sorting, storing, rearranging objects, meandering. I need so many objects! Maybe even: one of yours? docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1F...

I spoke to Mitch McConnell yesterday and he said I could stay up as late as I wanted and you had to get me a pony

me: here have a bowl of cheerios toddler: [grabs bowl, flings cheerios everywhere] me: yeah I shoulda seen that co- toddler: [starts meticulously picking up cheerios & re-bowling them] me: oh, ok, as long as you're enterta- toddler: [gets mad at one cheerio in particular, SCREAMS] me: what the heck

rolling a warforged echo knight, I'd already decided I was going to do a bad Australian accent specifically to annoy our Australian party member (& cause I can't do a good one) then I rolled a 3 CHA & I'm like, shit how do I play this a minute later it dawns on me: that's literally just Tom Cardy

as of 40 minutes ago my husband has acquired a "FFVI development facts" microenthusiasm which he is liveposting to me in real time, did you know character and storylet development was spread out throughout the whole design team? Kaori Tanaka had a character bible for Edgar & Sabin the more u know

my old job in a rural WI town (pop ~3K) had a pizza-on-the-farm night w/ live music one week we booked a locally popular bluegrass band called Dead Horses you never heard of 'em, I never heard of 'em, but lemme tell ya the crowd that showed up was about 10x as big as the Great American State Fair

our campaign setting uses sentient weapons Wave Whelm & Blackrazor, except the party encountered Wave & Whelm first & thought it was BULLSHIT Blackrazor doesn't also have a one-syllable W name now we just unironically say shit like "guys we CANNOT let Kess's grandma have her soul eaten by Wank"

A little reminder my band came out with a record recently and you can buy it! the vinyl spins good. Also, we're playing a show in Portland, in PUBLIC, at a street fest thing July 11th at noon, details to follow. If you live local, come by! modridge.bandcamp.com/album/premie...

new episode of Clash of the Type-Ins! we play Ryan's brand new game Ryan Veeder's Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express, invent a new pronoun to address youb the listener, & I eat udon noodles for several minutes without speaking cause I thought we were off-air rcveeder.net/clash/cotti5...

I feel like we're at a point culturally where you could just name an Arby's sandwich "Big Momma's Roast Beef Vagina" & people would be like "yeah gimme three of those roast beef vaginas and a Coke"

Happy Pride to this Caravaggio self-portrait that made one man so gay he had to go to the hospital

wait if Boruto is named for the word "bolt" does that mean Naruto is named for the word "nart"

oh no some people on reddit discovered the new "do you sit or stand to wipe" and it's "do you turn off the water to soap yourself up" I just soap up a part of my body while it's not currently in the water? are other people's showers more full of water than mine is? is it a multiple bucket situation

very happy to see that the oot remake sticks to its localized title in the german version

Chris: I'm gonna put a mango there, it won't infringe on the lawn too much because I just took out a bunch of other stuff me: You moved it aside to let the mango- Chris, defeated: Let the mango through, yes me: You just did a bunch of YARD WORK to set me up for that joke, SUCKER

brain: hmm, nearly been a decade since we shipped anything, better get on that me: we made a guy? brain: THAT'S NOT VIDEO GAMES

the baby: [looking concerned while someone carves a jack-o-lantern] Chris: if you put a speaker in the pumpkin it can scream while the kid is carving it me: I have concerns about you having fathered my child

one time I told @rifflesby.bsky.social I just found German frustratingly opaque and he was like "counterpoint: 'shoulderblade' in German is 'schulterblatt'" anyway this game is very good and Riff was right

You give yourself away piece by piece and before you even realize it, you’re gone.

I regret to inform you all that the Joyful Fairy House is haunted

remotional support: when the toddler won't chill out until you give them the Roku controller

my photo app made me a compilation called "similar shots" and it's all just pictures of the magically non-decaying Costco muffins we've had for six years

I'm doing looksmaxxing except it's the baby slamming his weirdly hard little skull into my face bones while I'm trying to snuggle

the real bullshit thing is that these mofos destroying everything for more money & power would probably genuinely be happier if UBI paid for them to raise alpacas & date a charcoals artist in a cute little Stardew Valley town and they didn't have to do cocaine & pedophile shit just to feel something

(cw toddler shit) look I'm sure he's a great guy in every respect but I wasn't emotionally fucking prepared for Tall Third Blippi

Chris got the baby a set of wooden blocks and he's made it his mission to put them back in the bucket IMMEDIATELY putting a little arch on top of two columns? sorry Mommy that shit ain't up to code [East Wing of the White Houses it]

passing along from my partner who used to work for Philz "Heads up we need to not go to Philz anymore, the previous leaders were forced out in 2021, and private equity snagged it last year, and now all the stores are being told to remove pride flags to make them more "inclusive" Fuck these people"

teaching the baby about lesbian

baby books are like "you're my precious darling muffin, a manifestation of sweetness and light" then the baby's like "I'm gonna pulp this book between my teeth and rub the resulting paste into Daddy's chest hair"

me: petscop is truly a multi-layered work of genius person I convinced to watch petscop: so how many more minutes do I stare at the bad ps1 clock before something happens me: oh haha no nothing's going to *happen,* hey everybody this guy thought something was gonna HAPPEN other petscop fans: HAHA

(leaving baby swim class) Chris: This is our p-p-p-p-pool, notice there is a LOT of pee in it

Chris, reading Night Before Christmas to the baby:...then went straight to his work, he filled all the stockings, then started to twerk me: I'm not sure that's Chris: He's turning the pages too fast!

DOGE Bro’s Grant Review Process Was Literally Just Asking ChatGPT ‘Is This DEI?’ Federal grants that had been approved after a full application and review process were terminated by some random inexperienced DOGE bros based on whether ChatGPT could explain—in under 120 characters—that they were…

what kind of monster

[talking about D&D] my favorite barista: my dumb drow barbarian got inspiration, I couldn't figure out what to do so I said I'd just go to bed & jerk off, I rolled a 20 : D me: hahaha that's great me like 5 minutes after leaving the coffeeshop: wait is it weird he made her roll to jerk off 🤔

I need to apologize earlier I tried to give the baby a nap on the grounds that it was "about naptime" & he was "acting sleepy" I've since been informed by his spirited flopping & shrieking that he does NOT need a nap now or ever again to make up for this I will be allowing him to stay up forever

deeply enjoy how all my Xennial nerd friends are making announcements today like "right, in the spirit of resistance I am going to put on the sports-ball and allow the sweaty mans to grunt at balls in my vicinity, if I die from too much ball exposure please bury me underneath the library"

the baby is currently, and I'm not exaggerating, completely emotionally destroyed because I won't hold the fridge door open so he can visit his best friend the hot sauce (any inquiries about "who tf refrigerates hot sauce" can be directed to the guy I live with who refrigerates hot sauce, thanks)

YOU HAD ONE JOB, XYLOPHONE

in case you're curious about how angry Minnesota is about ICE, it was -20 today

[D&D, David's char wins the combat to join the space harem, is welcomed by a giant floating orca] DM: I can't do the voice but its vocoder makes it sound like Fred Flintstone orca: I think you'll be a great addition, you'll love it David: Thanks, I'm excited to yabba-dabba-do people me: [dies]

passing this mutual aid linktree along from a friend in Minneapolis if you haven't seen it yet linktr.ee/mplsmutualaid

oh good, the store has my drink

the problem with an untrained secret police squad that shoots people in their cars isn’t that they’re untrained

I understand why they had to stop him but I don’t agree with imprisoning him in the phantom zone

somebody bought the baby a mildly insane talking object called a Joyful Fairy House mostly he likes to hit the button that makes a deep voice say "Stay hydrated, buddy" but he's also got a voicemail from someone named Mark who wants to go kayaking this weekend