guessing what the baby will find funny is impossible. "quinoa" is funny. "milkbone" is not funny. "anti-lock brakes" is funny. "gesundheit" and "mi scuzi," HILARIOUS, then "mushroom soup" he's laughing but in a like, "I can't believe you'd say something so scandalous in this Home Depot"

[D&D last night] evil guy: Can you do magic, I could make you an apprentice Tricia's character, a horse rancher: I know a lot about horses him: I don't know what a horse is her: It's like a, tall cow everyone, out of character: TALL COW Tricia: What, was that a bad description or something? us: YES

just thought about that hack writing technique of comparing people of color to something culinary, but the example i immediately imagined was "his cinnamon skinnamon"

baby keeps grabbing the rotary nail file & I'm like welp now that you've sanded your fingerprints off, let's teach you how to do crimes

Unsure if you want to support us? Want a preview of what you'll get? Reach into the Freebie Sack.

Boomer moms will be all "NNNGGGGHHH I NEED TO WATCH THE MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE SO BAD" then fuck off to wash dishes for six hours while you're stuck there trying to figure out why Li'l Jon is pretending Toys 'R' Us is still in business

me & the baby watching a vid on the ancient Maya historian says Maya elites used to elongate their babies' skulls so they'd look more like corn & when he says this the baby locks eyes with me underneath his little plagiocephaly helmet like "I know you're fuckin thinkin about it" I do love corn

I thought the baby would like these crunchy corn snack sticks 'cause he's always trying to eat our food he won't even put em in his MOUTH this kid puts EVERYTHING in his mouth! he's got a plastic bucket he's been trying to eat for six months now buddy wtf is wrong with these corn things?

Discovering computer as an adult makes you go crazy. Discovering computer as a baby makes you go crazy. In all of human history, there will only ever be one generation to discover computer at the correct age: 13

no matter how bad things get, at least you don't have this guy's job

took the baby to the helmet doctor & there's another baby getting buckled into his carseat to go home kid starts screaming & the dad goes "I'm sorry I pinched you in the junkies, buddy" I'm sorry I pinched you in the junkies

me: if I were on Taskmaster I would simply read and comprehend all of the instructions in the task also me:

checked the mail & there was a package for "Chris Customer" from "fun.com" which is the most suspicious thing I've seen since they started selling that "Harmless Coconut Water"

I dropped my phone on my lap and it typed "plop"

every modern children's book is like "Hassle Moose, he's a moose who likes to hassle a park ranger" & you're like "well that's kinda cute" then you flip it over & it's got 20 bestselling spinoffs such as "Hassle Moose Buys Eighty Yachts" and "Hassle Moose Is A Bigger Deal Than Jesus"

baby: *blows raspberry into my shoulder* me: *blows raspberry into the baby's arm* baby: pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt me: plllbbbblblblt baby: pbblbbbbtttt me: PBBBLBLBLBTTTTTT Chris: Y'all are weird

Look at this beautiful data visualization by a man named Colin

people on the internet like "it's a high chair, does it really need a 5-point restraint? that seems excessive 🧐" & I'm all "must be interesting not having an ExXxTreme SportzZz Action Baby sponsored by Red Bull Infantifuel Nitro, if I don't web him up like Frodo Baggins he's on the ceiling fan"

just went to plug a lamp back in that I'd unplugged to plug in my laptop & caught myself thinking "this is a good deed, I'm a good steward of the earth"

@blueprincegame.bsky.social My 7 year old son and I attended or local video game convention in MN (2D Con) this weekend. We love playing Blue Prince together, so he cosplayed as Simon. Spent time at various doors around the con trying to draft rooms.

ok stop me if someone has something like this already but drawing program idea it's undo but it plays your previous action back pixel by pixel and you stop it at the point shit went off the rails

when you're new to making games, it's easy to think it's about making art and making the right decisions and having the best taste. but actually making games is about dancing really good when the old west bandit shoots bullets at your toes

baby update, he's fascinated with PhD linguist Erica Brozovsky she's got a nautical etymology vid where she's wearing a sailor suit & when he sees this his face lights UP, like he is DELIGHTED I'm like yes it's p cute but wtf bud you don't know what a sailor suit IS, not sure you understand WATER

(playing Valheim while the baby naps) him sleeping, that's where I'm a Viking

saw someone post "be nice to your kids as they go back to school because just imagine you were the one being sent back" & lemme tell ya tho I FANTASIZE about getting sent back to school with my current brain, I would CRUSH that shit like a fully geared level 80 trampling through Elwynn Forest

saw a riddle that went "I live inside a SQUARE but I am ROUND my whole body is TRIANGLES wat am I" and was convinced the answer was gonna be Cait Sith from Final Fantasy 7

parenting tip: if you say "haha he just loves to scratch his little fingienails on the mesh of his playpen!" it sounds so much nicer than "he's constantly clawing at the walls of his prison in a futile attempt to escape"

I am on episode 299 of Topic Lords, which dropped today! Along with @hamsterdisco.bsky.social and mogwai_poet. Many topics were discussed, along with micro-topics viewable at the link. I was thrilled to participate; I hope you listen in and have a few laughs. topiclords.com/skin-fortres...

my partner the DM is still salty about the time we went down what he considered a side path, he described it as "making you feel vaguely uncomfortable," & we immediately made exploring it our new objective to the extreme that we were all chanting "UNCOMFORTABLE ROOM! UNCOMFORTABLE ROOM!"

my friends out here calling their spouses by different names than I met them by without an official name change heads up & I'm sweating cause I don't want to deadname 'em but what if GP is your personal nickname for 'em and it stands for "Greatest Pussypounder"

the baby rolled over sideways half on top of his toy piano & starts hitting the keys with his elbow & thigh & I'm like "I think I paid to watch Tori Amos do this on the Lottapianos tour"

just got an email from my bank with the subject line "we miss you" & I'm like ??? you have all my money, go buy yourself something nice & say it's from me

feeding the lad & he rolled over, immobilized my hand, started gnawing on the bottle like a rawhide bone, how do I play this

dreamed my brother-in-law got me a sweet physical puzzle that was an escape room in a bowl of soup, you had to pick a noodle lock with a noodle lockpick even in the dream this didn't really work but it was such a cool fucking concept

whoa whoa whoa wait wait wait HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, how does ONE WOMAN ride on SIX white horses, does she have six BUTTS or

my husband gets these chill pictures of the baby smiling at the sunrise while listening to acoustic folk then when I take over he's given himself an anime face scar & learned how to use his bug rattle as a flail, I think he's straight up got class levels now Mommy Time just hits different I guess

There's still time to fill this out - the more writers share their experiences being credited (or omitted from credits!) in games, the easier it will be for us to improve credits for everyone in the industry!

I don't have hobbies I have Blue Prince

The cool conference: narrascope.org Link to toss them some $$ to keep the lights on: iftechfoundation.org/give/ This is a great org and event! If you support narrative in games, every little bit helps!

call me back when he's Ryan Goose

Andrew is a true legend of interactive storytelling; if you're working on anything to do with dynamic narrative systems, you'd be lucky to have him.

my Samsung phone updated its UI and no longer tells me what the date is??? I think I might have to manually add a widget to my home screen just to show me what the date is??? developers why are you LIKE this

told the baby "we ride at dawn" but neither of us knew what I meant by that so now he's just eating his fingers at me

the baby: I am starving and will screm if you don't feed me me: ok literally here is a bottle the baby: I insist on controlling its trajectory with my tiny paws me: ok towards your mouth right? the baby: FEED MY NECK LIKE A VAMPIRE me: wow Mommy really did a shit job teaching you about vampires

me, pregnant: I will never lie to my child me, now, changing a diaper: Mommy's going to sell this on the international baby pee market and it's gonna go for a million trillion dollars because everybody knows your pees are the best, we're all talking about it, it's in the NEWSPAPER

this wasn't focus testing well with Gen Beta so I've reworked it as "Go Ahead and Kick Mommy in the Tit Repeatedly with the Full Force of Your Weirdly Strong Little Baby Legs, What the Fuck Are We Feeding You" & that version seems much more popular

they say having a baby is bad for your creative output but it's 9 AM and I've already written a song called "Please Don't Kick Mommy in the Tit"

ok game feature idea I wanna use for something but for now y'all can have it for free whenever you find a document in-game it gets added as a PDF to an externally accessible folder (shoots some side-eye to the 114th Blue Prince screenshot currently open in Snip & Sketch)

been stepping very gently onto & off of the futon so I don't bump the bassinet & wake the baby, but then I wake the baby anyway yelling "PARKOOOOOUR"