You ever just cry about how mean you were to your mom in high school?

I know an Aquarius hates to see me coming

They should make a Great Gatsby tv show where the intro music is exactly the same as for Seinfeld

Important question for JewSky: suppose a goy has a Jewish cat in their household, and the Jewish cat, being without thumbs, can't light their own Shabbos candles or do other Jewish things. Should the landlord be doing that for them? Picture of the Jewish cat in question, named Athaliah

"hey did u kno cats step in their own shit" WAAAAAIT WAIT CATS ARE ANIMALS??? YOU'RE TELLING ME THESE DOMESTICATED CREATURES IN MY HOUSE BEHAVE LIKE ANIMALS??? I DID NOT FUXKING KNOW THAT DAVID

1. Yuo have BRAN DAMAGE 2. RETRAIN yuor NOZE with the 3 STRONGEST SPICES: - white pepper (for PROS ONLY) - cumin - oregANO

When you discover your elder millennial friend is into 2000s Celtic music: Ewwww gross, you're such a millennial lol. I am Not watching any of the YouTube videos you send me When you discover your crush is into 2000s Celtic music: Oh wow! How interesting 😍😍😍 Please tell me all about this

Speaking of work mailboxes, ours exist for the purpose of giving each other gratitude messages. I opened my mailbox today to see that someone had thanked me for organizing a food drive despite me being "the most disconnected" from the rest of the team THE MOST DISCONNECTED. LMAOOOOOO

Update: I put a little note in his mailbox that basically says "hey I think you're cool and funny and interesting here are my thoughts on Frankenstein (2025) I would like to know your thoughts and be movie buddies no pressure though byyeeeee"

Watching people buy Jeeps over and over again is like watching your best friend break up with her toxic boyfriend and then get back together with him 500 times

Look at that turkey legge

How do I ask someone I've had 2 conversations with if we can be movie watching buddies and not make it seem like I'm asking him out? Movies are his hyperfixation and I need more people to watch movies with and I am not single / do not want to give that impression Halp

I could easily see the new Frankenstein becoming my next depression/hyperfixation movie

Love seeing kiddos getting their ears pierced at a proper shop 🥹

The Parent Trap (1998) called and asked if I could come on set

7) “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” sounds like when you base an entire 2,000 season podcast series on a stoned thought

Who up tiddling they wink

Overhearing people on their first dates in public is sooooo annoying

🎶 Saturday, in your mom, I think it was the fourth of July 🎶

"All Mormon families look alike; all non-Mormon families look non-Mormon in their own way." — Leo Tolstoy

My partners need to be into spaceplay or else it's simply not gonna work out

Always fun to learn 3/4 of the people in your Teams call have a crush on Jason Bateman (AKA Jason Baeman)

WE STAY WINNING

Election Night PTSD is a real thing because m last year I had bought myself a COLORING BOOK AND CRAYONS to do whilst watching returns and this year I am afraid to even acknowledge there were elections

When did I become the person who fixes everyone's clocks before and after Daylight Savings Time

I am getting my hair cut again on Saturday and I want this haircut but I am worried my face isn't suited for it plz give me ur honest advice 🙏🏻🙏🏻 (also I have a widow's peak which complicates things)

Forgive us as we forgive alongside this video is literally begging God to smite them fyi

long live the queen

I fear the antidepressants are working too well

BRING BACK YOUNG POLITICIANS WHO ARE HOT

You know I care a lot about something irl if I'm willing to be perceived to say it

I just feel like the Roman emperors were low-key the heroes of the New Testament

This is an amazing album, and the fact she wrote and recorded it in 10 days is astonishing. open.spotify.com/track/0dBRia...

We must boycott Coldplay until they release Sophie Turner

A guy who's such a feminist he cuts his penis off forever

"you know, as a millennial, I love my paper towels" WHat does THAT MEAN

Some of y'all don't know what the ACNA is and it shows Please read the article before commenting about celibacy or the CoE All that said: a denomination founded on hate is not worth saving. This guy is truly slimy, and hopefully those in the ACNA who ignored the other scandals can't look away now.

This is one of the longest weeks of my life, and we're still somehow only halfway through it?

Seventh Day Adventist theology may be some of the worst I've seen. There's no attempt to genuinely engage with the text on a critical level or participate in centuries of ongoing theological dialogue with other traditions. On top of that, it's just BORING. At least have INTERESTING bad theology!!

I'm going to pin you down and explain the Godhead

Unironically, I think the idea that Jesus assaulted money changers out of love helps some Christian parents justify spanking their kids. It also presents in the warped way evangelicals "love" queer people.

Waistline was so cunty yesterday that my belt squeezed all my farts out

Everyone wants a younger bitch until she starts cracking Lolita jokes

Priorities realigned 😏

Gonna make a romcom about a Mormon who converts for love. Gonna call it From Zion to Zion.