Ted wanted to be buried at the foot of these two mountains. And, as we ring the dark hole of his grave, I find it hard to find the words to honor his wish that his eulogy contain butthole references…

She went down on me (down on me) Way on down (down on me) It's why I sing so high, oooooo!

Given that the Apple employee with whom I just spoke said he didn't care about taking my money or making me wait, I am not sure Apple cares about customer service.

So why do we say toot for a fart instead of glute?

I hate how one moment all is well, and in the next, the grief smacks you

She was a 10 but claimed something hurt her "fillings"

Civics education is vital.

Instans Tyrannus, R. Browning

A thing that I think is good is when a human creates a piece of art

I summon thee, FROGOTRON! Protect us in these frogless times, where lilypads fall

So radioactive waste was stored in barrells near my home. After the clean up, not one, damn zombie outbreak! And not before, either!

A reminder: All experiences are lived. Otherwise, you're dead.

🎵I want some Mac and Cheese! I want some Mac and Cheese! I want some Mac and Cheese! Mac and Cheese! I'm hungry! Mommy, please! Won't you make some Mac for me?

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men…The Twatter knows!

Pinnochio! Why were you sent home from school?! Aw, gee! I was playing fiddlesticks with a real boy!

A great enchilada of ships: Heavy burritos, light, quick, taquitos, squadrons of tacos, amass to assault the enemy. An old, wizened general exclaims "That's no moon! That's a chimichanga!"

People always told me, be careful what you chew! Forget your broken heart--it's when the tumor starts!

Chili cream despot Chi druther fees crust a moil cat dinks high ham dacron slut ya bid id knocked my bun🎵

What the heck is a beaver moon? I thought those were two different things. I’m terrible with female anatomy, tho.

Knife, Fork, Spoon, and Plate pokemon evolve into Silverware and China, then into Meal, then Fine Dining. People at the game table fling food at each other. Is this how the game works?

From where the fuck are these flying monkeys coming?

#godzilladay #mst3k

The secret plot of the kumquats is not to make you kum, but quat it is, no one knows

On this dark day beginning, cool air on my skin, I see that the protest is about to begin! In the master's chamber, a great man? No, the least! We must remember we can tame the beast! (All credit to The Eagles)

I'm a frog in the USA! I'm a frog in the USA! from some long gone paddy in the USA, now!

Wait a minute! This shit makes me want to shout! Put on my frog duds and shout! All day! All day!

There was a war in Heaven over the Epstein files

Pussy. I want one. I can't afford enough scratchposts.

This is hollow ween! Hollow ween! Hollow ween! This is hollow ween! Urethra!

*jumps into pile of raked leaves* aahhhh *jumps into pile of leaved rakes* AAAAHHHHH

Now wait a minute! Throw your fins up and shout! Throw your fins up and shout! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Throw your fins up and shout! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Sharks also protest!)

Well, I'm talking about Jesus! Talking about Jesus! Jesus Martinez down over there! Talking about Jesus, Jesus Martinez in a frog costume down there! He's in Portland! In Po-o-ortland! In Portland! Yes he is!

Goodnight.

i think we should show a little more gratitude for artificial preservatives. food not going bad so quickly rocks

When someone dies, we are told to be happy bc they are in heaven. We should disbereave.

Arnold Schwarzenegger between Wilt Chamberlain and Andre the Giant on the set of "Conan the Destroyer", Mexico City, 1983 (Pic: Rolf Konow/Sygma via Getty Images)

🎵We are werewolves! We are the children of the moon so let's start howlin'! It's a hunt we're making! We're gonna take your lives! You won't live another day because we are werewolves🎵

What does a robot mobster gynocologisst do? He preeclampsia

Heartbreaking to see these perspectives from other countries.

The gov't is a cat knocking food off the table

A clown with four arms named Whackmaster Flash

♫ I can’t fight this feeling, underneath my heart! Oh, god a chestburster has torn me apart!

Empires of dirt are made by machines of mud

Gonna make Monster Mashed potatoes

happy halloween to what many people believed was the greatest tweet of all time

R i g h t round l i k e a record b a b y R i g h t round

Billy Joel sang about the Piano Man. Have there been any sightings since? It must need a tune up, certainly.