can’t believe zoomers don’t even know how to use an astrolabe

LIAM'S ONLY WANT ONE THING AND IT'S kind of nice actually

I get precisely two genres of ads on Instagram: Procreate brush sets and musical spoons

Take me down to the Pareidolia City Where the grass is a face And that house is a kitty

only thing more fun than having to scan a QR code to do a thing is having to do that when there isn’t actually a QR code to scan

Setting everything else aside, this is also an utterly incoherent talking point given actual Canadian military history, and how Canadian civilians and soldiers tend to take pride in the CAF. It is such a painfully American transplanted talking point, and I don’t mean that as a dig at US culture.

Liam got a roll of quarters for the laundry machines, and it’s a full roll of 40 pristine 2023 quarters. Genuinely the shiniest coins I have ever seen in my entire life.

Was the inspiration for this show the Halifax explosion?

@cheatlines.co Tilda Tilda Cowscome-Home

forgot to take my adderall this morning and only noticed when i got a little misty about the Baha Men AGAIN

My mom’s will was very detailed and clear about what she wanted to be done with her remains. It was a blessing that none of us had to make any decisions or argue about what to do. She had a first choice (donation to a medical school) with ranked alternatives, and the executor just executed.

my hematomas healed completely overnight! the human body is bizarre

oh dang I’ve got Middle-Aged Lady Finger Vein Explosion Syndrome

we’re at the lake and there’s a sweet family behind us with a dad who is way way WAY more patient than I am and is kid still absolutely SUCKS very reassuring tbh

It can be so hard to have certain conversations with your kid. For instance my 5yo just said that as a summer trip we should take an airplane to ancient Egypt and I don't know how to tell a kid "fuck yeagh bud that's the best idea I've ever heard"

genuinely wish anything hit me as hard as Tom & Jerry cartoons are hitting my 5-year-old right now

i saw this and it reminded me of the funnest fact which is: it seems all mammals other than great apes can swim instinctively from their very first encounter with a body of water large enough we know this because we used to just huck random animals into lakes & pools to check cow can swim :)

@cheatlines.co just thought of a name: Otto Kew (“autocue” is British for “teleprompter”)

another thing i found out last night about mosquito allergy is that we are similarly allergic to all arthropod bites, which means a) the allergic reaction can’t solely be caused by mosquito spit (which causes the normal itch), &; b) i would also have an allergic reaction if i got bit by a shrimp

5yo on a naming tear right now! My spelling of my own child's name not so much

tbh i made my mosquito posts from the bath last night and was in agony until i slathered my leg in Neutrogena Rapid Clear Stubborn Acne Cleanser, which contains mainly clay and menthol and provided instant and lasting itch relief?????

Will (5): Awww, what are their names? Me (37): I don’t know, bud! Will: Let’s name them Cheezie and Chocco

i didn’t think there was stuff i didn’t know about mosquitos, but i just found out that most people who are bitten by a LOT of mosquitos in their lifetime eventually become desensitized to the bite reaction

i just realized “Eeyore” is just a pronunciation spelling of a donkey’s bray in a non-rhotic dialect that gloomy little shit is named “Heehaw”

Me before clocking in at the getting pissed off factory

this take applies to like every multi-party political system about a fifth of your electorate, seemingly no matter where you are, is bigots if you have a Bigot Party, they’ll vote for those guys, not the Bigot Lite compromise option so stop compromising to peel bigot votes off the Bigot Party!!!

when people talk about hypothetical Muppets film adaptations they often talk about who would be “the only human”, but all existing Muppets film adaptations have multiple human characters what’s that about

Will (5): Hey mom, I’m called the Bad Catcher. That means I catch bad things. Like the Big Bad Wolf.

David Hockney. Rain, 1973

Europeans don’t eat a lot of Mexican food not because it doesn’t pair well with wine but because they don’t live near Mexico, hope this helps

love to have vagal atrial fibrillation because i ate chewy bread and chewed it insufficiently the human body is so fun

thank god the vote failed but yet another example of lib cities bailing out far-right rurals extra funny bc you’d think that “overpopulation” would be a bigger concern in the expensive cities when in reality it’s just the paranoid NIMBY schizophrenia of rural fascists

Happy Pride to this Caravaggio self-portrait that made one man so gay he had to go to the hospital

my custom boxes finally arrived!!!! probably no one will ever notice that I made the landscape wrap around continuously but I’m proud of it 😤

An Ian Fleming world, with Chris Fleming characteristics

good news for autistic nail polish enthusiasts in the month of june: a pedantically-accurate rainbow fits on 5 nails

I genuinely don’t understand why anyone has brainworms when you can just go to the part of the internet where you get endless streams of people making cool stuff I just watched a guy make Murano glass sculptures out of sugar

A RABBIT HAS SCORED A TOUCHDOWN!!

I think I might like basketball. I assume all games are this quality

english isn't for cowards. if you're not saying 'torpify,' that's a skill issue. there's no Académie Française telling you what to do. if you try to type 'pallific' and freak out when you see a little red underline, maybe you're not ready to roll with the big dogs.

this can happen to anyone, look out and be careful

the smell of smoke is actually the ghosts of the cigarettes haunting the place where they died

fun etymology fact: “robins” are named after the nickname for Robert it’s like if someone started calling little yellow birds Jeff and a few hundred years later the standard common name for Spinus tristis was “jeffs”

i had a dream last night that a customer left a bad review on a nail polish because it didn’t match the product photos and the shade was named “Uncle’s Special Transformation”

is it time for The Diet

Me: We’re like when a cat and a dog love each other Liam: The dog’s like “I LOVE YOU” and the cat is like “I… I love you too… please stop licking me” Me: Yeah haha Liam: And the cat has arthritis