You know what? I'm starting to suspect I'm not going to be invited onto The Late Show to take the Colbert Questionert. So, to hell with it, I'll just take it myself here! 🧵

Got a notification from a medieval copyright lawyer

I hate so much that I have to devote any thought at all to Alberta separatism, The Dumbest Separatism.

For proceedings without court reporters—which has, again, been the vast majority of Alberta court proceedings for many years—the procedure is that if you want a transcript, you order one, and the proceeding’s audio-recording is provided to a free-lance transcriber, who prepares the transcript.

Among hard-core Alberta separatists, the level of contempt for courts and hate for Indigenous people is palpable following yesterday's ruling. This is going to be an ugly summer. Reasonable Albertans will need to stand up for the constitution and treaties. Staying silent is being complicit.+

Fucking what???? Surely I'm missing something here?

Jason Collins, the NBA's first openly gay player who has served as a global ambassador for the sport, has died from brain cancer, his family said. He was 47 www.espn.com/nba/story/_/...

I'mn't

I watched this (great) @acollierastro.bsky.social video when it came out 9 months ago, but to this day I'm still haunted by the revelation that the same guy somehow wrote both He Stopped Loving Her Today, a contender for the greatest song ever, and the utterly putrid I Wanna Talk About Me.

Somehow, my most controversial opinion is that Nickelback is, like, fine.

If you're near-sighted in one eye and far-sighted in the other then you're lop-sighted.

I think it's a problem that the US secretary of Health and Human Services openly wants large portions of the population to die.

he’s responsible for what may be The Perfect Joke:

That goal should be disallowed because I'm not cheering for the team that scored it.

Is "Won't Stancil" anything?

This headline is absolute horses.

Nintendo Star Fox Direct Announced https://www.youtube.com/live/ePZeyh5q9R8 Happening in ~5 minutes The Star Fox Direct will begin at 3pm PT on May 6, 2026. The presentation will be roughly 15 minutes.

Wait what?

Ah fuck, just when I needed my Ted turned

what

If it means less Glen Suitor, I ain't gonna complain.

Something by the Arrogant Worms, mislabelled as being by Weird Al

CALLED IT! GO HABS GO!!!

Pretty sure the Habs are going to win this game, because we live in a profoundly unjust world.

A visibly emotional Anne Hathaway responding to a trans kid--who named herself Ella after Ella Enchanted, and thanked Hathaway for her courage as an ally--saying "Ella, sweetie, I want to make something absolutely clear: It takes zero courage to love you"......now I might cry too

Refereeing hockey is a very difficult job, which helps explain why they keep fucking up

May the first be with you

At least the Oilers lost in much less heartbreaking fashion than usual

once again, it is great that the president is a klan-level racist

Hard to take a sport seriously when you're not even allowed to kick a goal.

I need you to understand how FUCKING INSANE this story Jeremy broke is. The separatists legally obtained Alberta electoral data....and then proceeded to PUBLISH IT AS A SEARCHABLE DATABASE WITH THE NAMES AND ADDRESSES OF OVER HALF OF THE POPULATION OF THE PROVINCE OF ALBERTA!!!!!

The separatists in Alberta apparently published a searchable database with the private information — including names and addresses — of almost three million people in Alberta. Holy fucking shit. For context, the population of Alberta is just over 5 million people. Here's what we know:

god i find it so deeply offensive as a man that all of these cretins think that my gender means that if people aren't constantly kissing my ass i will have no choice but to lash out and destroy the world. it is so offensive to believe that being a man means you are a petulant child!

My Property Brother, My Property Brother and Me

I mean, it's the Canadian draft, so that seems pretty reasonable.

Soniferous Aether xkcd.com/3238/

I (seemingly alone) like this, but I'm gonna be so sad when the Elks somehow manage to miss the playoffs yet again.

The lawyers who signed their names to this should certainly be disbarred, and probably also hospitalized.

I never liked hockey anyway

Uh, I've finished Tetris thousands of times, at least.

Trump: I'm going to destroy an entire civilization. We're going to keep killing people in boats. Senator Kelly should be executed. ICE protesters are domestic terrorists. Immigrants are vermin. Raskin: Donald Trump is bad for this country. Bash: Do you regret your heated rhetoric, Rep. Raskin?

The best indication so far the WHCD Trump shooting wasn't staged? No evidence yet of huge insider bets just before it happened on Polymarket or Kalshi :-)

Wait, since when is cross checking illegal in the NHL???

Lethal injection sounds to people like its a medical process designed to spare the executed person from pain when its really a pseudo-medical sham designed to spare observers and onlookers from the reality of the violence they're committing.

As a death penalty abolitionist, "Trump bringing back the firing squad" seems like a pretty big strategic win for our side. Feels brutal, barbaric and cruel to normies despite being significantly less cruel than lethal injection as practiced in the USA is.

This is an incredible tweet.

How humiliating (for Italy)

This is really insulting (the suggestion that Trump is even attempting to do calculations)

Priceless post from the official White House social media

It me, but replace "new hobby" with "life"