Make blowjobs great again

Bach, you have to stop. Your clavier is too well-tempered. Your concertos too Brandenburg. They’ll kill you

seeing how many people show up in jeffery epstein's emails makes me happy i never reply to anyone's email

Life is good when the Ween cover band DM's you to let you know they're playing a show.

But far beneath this wondrous world upon the surface, another and still stranger world met our eyes as we gazed over the side.

Blippi gives me the chills

(bene gesserit voice) put more sauce packets in the bag

Fuck all of you for getting my hopes up after a very stressful week. Let me know when it does happen.

Sorry babe, Harry Nilsson stays on during sex 🎵🎶

If Rosie O'Donnell can tweet on Ambien, I can send emails on salvia.

I need beans and I need weed. Everything else is epiphenomenal

Resisting the urge to take a nap in the bathroom stall

No, I will not go to Costco sober

Can't listen to Moby Dick on tape anymore since I threw up after trying trying to fall asleep to it while drunk.

Passively expecting my good behaviors to take over any day now

It's turbo time

The War on Drugs, but (in Emerill Lagasse voice), let's kick it up a notch.

if bagels can have everything so can i

The Georgia Straight is a treasure

Telling my doctor I have blurry vision and headaches and also lost my glasses.

Honk, mimimimimimi

Goals

Maybe my friend's baby will come early so I can still attend the Viagra Boys concert

I'm entering waxing chicharrón phase

How I rationalize addiction to chicharrones

Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other

It appears I'm back on my bullshit

Happy beans day to those who celebrate

Anybody else choking on their coffee from gulping too fast

Treasure this moment cause you’ll never have fewer microplastics in you than you do right now

just super stuff

I think about fried chicken 5-6 times a day

DM me if you have measles

Who needs a segway

Man desperately trying to make conversation points at Cape Air plane: "where's it going, Cape Cod?"

Wes Anderson is refusing to film my balls, says something about "wretched asymmetry" and "not whimsical in the slightest".

Is flying to the US during July 4th and September 11th a good plan? I'll keep you all updated.

I bet Iran won't even say thank you to us

I heard there’s a glitch in Woke Mario that lets you see the goombas tits

Lord give me the confidence of a stand-up bassist

It's time for some {Moby} Dick

I bet Iran won't even say thank you to us

The pic of Brad Lander with the megaphone is giving Gene Ween

RIP Sly Stone

you're laughing? when a waymo catches on fire it involuntarily plays taps and you're laughing?

Some of y'all can't handle 2 high agency males going at it and it really shows

Now that they got me addicted to pope news I can’t even talk to my family anymore

From The Archives: You People Made Me Give Up My Peanut Farm Before I Got To Be President theonion.com/you-peo...