Alicia Keys
@missdemeanor.bsky.social
📤 202
📥 258
📝 133
I bring a certain sadness to the conga line
How many mini eggs do you have to eat before you meet god
about 2 months ago
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Trying to figure out why all my new friends are therapists and social workers
2 months ago
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It seems to be an elevator
4 months ago
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Less talky more torch lighty
4 months ago
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Are we paying taxes this year or not really
4 months ago
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reposted by
Alicia Keys
Aaron Rupar
4 months ago
Protester in Minneapolis just before disappearing in gas: "Fuck you! Stop. Damn! I'm 70 years old and I'm fuckin' angry!"
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Fuck fuck fuck fuck
4 months ago
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War Chester Shire Sauce
4 months ago
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Lying through my teeth at the dentist
5 months ago
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How long does it take y'all to finish a quart of eggnog
5 months ago
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Alicia Keys
j
6 months ago
babe is an insane name, please refer to me as big dawg
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Cleaned the house because I lost the remote, only to discover it was under the dog the whole time
6 months ago
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What I like about mens skateboarding is when sometimes you can see their little buns
6 months ago
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You're never too old to get a DUI in mom's car
6 months ago
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reposted by
Alicia Keys
Yell In a War
6 months ago
hacking furiously at the invasive bamboo that is my social media feed, knowing that the shoots of unwanted information will only return
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I strongly disagree with the take that Paddington 2 is goated and I feel like the zoomers are pranking me
6 months ago
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Make blowjobs great again
6 months ago
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Alicia Keys
DC Pierson
7 months ago
Bach, you have to stop. Your clavier is too well-tempered. Your concertos too Brandenburg. They’ll kill you
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Alicia Keys
derek guy
7 months ago
seeing how many people show up in jeffery epstein's emails makes me happy i never reply to anyone's email
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Life is good when the Ween cover band DM's you to let you know they're playing a show.
7 months ago
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Blippi gives me the chills
9 months ago
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Fuck all of you for getting my hopes up after a very stressful week. Let me know when it does happen.
9 months ago
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Sorry babe, Harry Nilsson stays on during sex 🎵🎶
9 months ago
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If Rosie O'Donnell can tweet on Ambien, I can send emails on salvia.
9 months ago
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Alicia Keys
little lamb
9 months ago
I need beans and I need weed. Everything else is epiphenomenal
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Resisting the urge to take a nap in the bathroom stall
9 months ago
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No, I will not go to Costco sober
9 months ago
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Can't listen to Moby Dick on tape anymore since I threw up after trying trying to fall asleep to it while drunk.
9 months ago
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Passively expecting my good behaviors to take over any day now
10 months ago
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It's turbo time
10 months ago
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The War on Drugs, but (in Emerill Lagasse voice), let's kick it up a notch.
10 months ago
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Alicia Keys
erika
10 months ago
if bagels can have everything so can i
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The Georgia Straight is a treasure
10 months ago
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Telling my doctor I have blurry vision and headaches and also lost my glasses.
10 months ago
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Honk, mimimimimimi
10 months ago
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Goals
add a skeleton here at some point
10 months ago
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Maybe my friend's baby will come early so I can still attend the Viagra Boys concert
10 months ago
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I'm entering waxing chicharrón phase
add a skeleton here at some point
10 months ago
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How I rationalize addiction to chicharrones
add a skeleton here at some point
10 months ago
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It appears I'm back on my bullshit
add a skeleton here at some point
10 months ago
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reposted by
Alicia Keys
Star Trek Minus Context
10 months ago
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Alicia Keys
Hyrax Every Hour
10 months ago
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Alicia Keys
Octopus/Caveman
10 months ago
Happy beans day to those who celebrate
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Anybody else choking on their coffee from gulping too fast
10 months ago
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reposted by
Alicia Keys
Ahhhhh
10 months ago
Treasure this moment cause you’ll never have fewer microplastics in you than you do right now
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Alicia Keys
matthewcr
10 months ago
just super stuff
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I think about fried chicken 5-6 times a day
11 months ago
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