this was on the underside of the slide at the middle-school playground

being a cool young person into obscure music/art feeds perfectly into becoming an old out of touch fuddyduddy. By design, you were never in touch. But good luck convincing your kids that.

bronze flung into dawn– wounded photosphere bleeding coronal discharge

You and your reflection each take ten paces, and draw. You watch the other version of yourself grimace, clutch their chest, and topple out of frame, leaving the mirror empty. Looks like you were the quicker shot

The Mando and Grogu movie looks like it’s “All muppets and Sigourney Weaver.” And that is PRECISELY the Star Wars I want to see.

The Rapture happened this morning. I was the only human taken. I’m posting from Heaven. It’s actually really empty up here. Just me and a bunch of dogs.

a watched clock never boils the same way twice, for its idle hands do the devil's work and no play makes jack a dull boy meets world is an oyster

Sure, Nintendo of America is run by Doug Bowser and UK McDonalds by Zoe Hamburger. But this kind of thing goes back to at least the 1970s, when the CEO of Disney was Card Walker.

Jupiter’s gonna be wicked dazzling again tonight.

pull at a stitch to unravel RFK jr and reveal that he’s an Oogie Boogie-style burlap sack filled with viruses speaking through a broken megaphone.

“Just because something bears the aspect of the inevitable one should not, therefore, go along willingly with it.” - Philip K. Dick

Get in loser, we’re returning to the Primary Timeline.

*scrolls quickly* Looks like the former host of The Man Show isn’t nazi enough to be on TV. *slips back into the a dimensional portal I came from* Big bucks no whammies.

Gotta hand it to Crowley for working a drawing of a dick into his signature.

Something both joyous and frustrating is when all the books you requested from the library become available at the same time.

I’ve been trying to learn a little music theory. Floor covered in complicated diagrams and lists of correspondences and symbols. Realizing this is no different than getting into the occult. Except with music you can hear it when you get something wrong.

I think most young men today are hopelessly lost in a bleak directionless wasteland for not having been exposed to a Huey Lewis and the News sax solo at a formative age.

we need to bring back saying “yabba dabba doo” and sliding off a dinosaur tail right after being allowed to clock out of work

Nintendo Direct: (making announcement) When Mario eats the power-up mushroom he technically dies. His body liquifies and is reshaped like a caterpillar metamorphosis. The bigger Mario is not him

well I’m no rocket scientist (arugula farmer)

Please. Mr. Nutmeats is my father. Call me Pistachio.

I for one am pumped about the Pinkwater Cinematic Universe.

if you're depressed you should at least try listening to Caribbean Queen and doing hip thrusts to the sax music and see if it helps

Department of Wario

business idea. start a jam band that covers Weird Al songs, but with 20 minute solos. Have 14 very enthusiastic fans.

Chicken Parmesan is just KFC Doubledowned cheese pizza.

well shit. it looks like I’m posting again. I thought I gave this up for good.

Picked up this shirt at Goodwill. Makes me feel like a video arcade carpet. Or upholstery fabric from a 1987 Taco Bell.

My Bluesky timeline is so divided.

Causing trouble.

A friend insisted that french fries and a Coke from McDonalds fixes migraines. Today a nap and 2 doses of migraine pills did nothing. I was desperate so I tried it. It worked.

Today could be the best day you have for the rest of your life. Even if you’re having a shitty time. Things might be even worse from here on out. So if there’s anything that can bring you joy, enjoy the hell out of it.

Tom Nook is in the Epstein Files.

I did it all for Tanuki

*cat burglars halfway through a hallway of detection lasers. sirens start to blare* shit. we tripped the light fandango.

Pringle’s schnapps

I saw a bright light and awoke in a sterile white room. i couldn't move. an un-marmot figure hovered above me manipulating my body with strange devices. i swear i'm not making this up. it happened.

Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes NPR Tiny Desk Concert

Universal Studios should make a haunted house maze based on Terry Gilliam's Brazil. Chased by salesmen who want to talk about ducts. Clerks who demand paperwork. Endless file cabinets. A torturer who warns you about your plummeting credit score.

Gonna be a lot of this soon

the mortifying experience of being known is so worth it to be loved

My first thought was “damn. look how cool @happierman.bsky.social looks in this photo.” And then I saw he’s wearing one of my The Infinite Now shirts :)

I insisted on dressing as Superman every day until I was 6. The new movie is really fun!

My friend Jeff made this cool thing. An audio fiction concept album. I found it really personal and sincere in the best ways. Give it a listen!

I love verifying that I am human.

SPICEBALLS

"You actually can do this, you know. You can just try to highlight the beauty of things you like and not try to vampirically extract value at every step."

MANIC BOHEMIANS DREAM GROVE

IT'S HOT ORC SUMMER