Jeff should let us vote on a thing for #survivor50 where we decide between “Cell Phones” or “No Cell Phones”

WHY DID YOU KEEP STAR AWAY FROM US THEN JEFF??? #Survivor48

#survivor #survivor48

Forbes not including the name of the highest grossing animated movie of all time in the headline (and not even mentioning it until paragraph 3) is a new level of jingoistic bullshit lol www.forbes.com/sites/caroli...

Happy Easter. We Ouija Boarded to hard and accidentally brought back Jesus.

My dog and her sleep paralysis demon.

We made a Cootie Catcher but it swallowed Eliza whole 😖

Where I’m from they’d call this “Wooderloo Ice”

Gaslighting my friends into thinking there’s a new NYT game

My hot take re: Minecraft movie memes is…let the kids have fun 🤓 yall are moral panicking again

The only book we have is our gospel. Different sects are forming– some of us are waiting for “the change” and some of us believe “the change” has already happened.

Philly Wawa parking lots are the only place on Earth where the same person who almost committed vehicular manslaughter on you will also politely hold the door for you to enter

who will tuck us in

this slumber party is eternal and we aren't scared anymore

Annie’s bra is in the freezer. She put it there herself. She likes her nipples on ice.

“Hi, I’m Mr Beast and today I’m giving away $1 million to the first person that can make me cum”

“Alright boys, reset the ol’ Days Without Incident tracker” -white lotus manager #whitelotus

Signed up for a new insta for a project I'm doing-- did anyone else realize Kim Kardashian comes preinstalled to the feed now like U2 on the ipod?

I called mom and asked her to pick me up. She said she was on her way. That was 4 years ago.

im the jolie in question-- anyone have a space????

anyone in LA got a cheap space for an ongoing podcast i'm starting with my friend jolie?

I didn't start to notice it until working on my docu-series, but I've come to realize that every single fucked up road somehow leads back to KENTUCKY.

I interviewed Jack Black and Jason Momoa in villager for the #minecraftmovie for @regalmovies.bsky.social

if its liberation day fr we should all have off from work rn

Would be hilarious for someone to get up now and hold the floor for another 24 hrs (plus 5 minutes) and then another and we did that for the rest of time

who do i call? they got the wrong one--

what they WON'T show you is I'm just off screen laying under him with a bucket to collect his lil piss trails :(

April fools! I told my partner I was having a baby and then was like PSYCH!!!! But now he’s in fetal position crying bout how he wanted to be a father😖

It's men's month again 😪

We're almost to Men's Month again! I hope when male meme accounts steal this from me this year, they at least recognize the irony

crossword puzzles are metroidvanias

We're almost to Men's Month again! I hope when male meme accounts steal this from me this year, they at least recognize the irony

If I was on Vula trauma bonding with the crew: KYLE: “my parents survived a whole g*nocide” SHAUHIN: “mine fled the Iranian dictatorship” JOE: “my dad was the son of share croppers” ME: “my dad was in a band.” CREW: … ME: “yeah he played bass.” CREW:… ME: prog rock :/ #survivor48

Tonights survivor episode was directed by Steven Spielberg #survivor48

Feels like there should be a 3rd "plane" for airplanes. "Plane" "Plain" and....Playn?

NEVER FORGET : ash Weds 2008 my friend showed up to class with ash on her head, and I licked my thumb to try and clean it off (im Jewish)

!!!! just landed my dream job as the Foley artist for playoff basketball🥰🏀 think of me whenever you hear a shoe squeak

I can’t explain it but Adrien Brody telling the academy to turn off the music made me sea sick

How Irony Works & Who Gives a Shit Basically, there are a bunch of shithead motherfuckers doing evil comedy and pretending they are not youtu.be/_WGtTJ3Rj6M

"We call on the world to stop the injustice & stop the ethnic cleansing of the Palestinian people," says Oscar winner Basel Adra to applause from the audience. 'No Other Land' just won the Best Documentary Oscar. Also a fantastic speech from fellow winner Yuval Abraham on "ethnic supremacy".

The groans in the Oscars audience feed me. With every edgy thing Conan says, I grow closer to expressing my truest feelings at my next General meeting.

💀 INK ALL OVER HERSELF !? 💀Patience of a saint then EXPLOSIVE IMPULSIVITY 💀A very BENDY face Listen— I know we’re not supposed to armchair psych our tv heroes. But Carolyn Wiger is the most adhd representation I’ve ever seen on tv and I feel seen. #traitorsUS #theTraitors

Traitors will have the most devastating moment followed by a royalty free lyric that goes SO hard like 🎶 He slit my throat in a garden of roses”

It has come to our attention that a sloth fell out of a tree today. Come by tomorrow to see it land.

commercials on Peacock must cost literal pennies. Every spot is like >> "I'm Shawn Blistertech and I'm gonna teach you to exchange your gold bars for US bonds!!"

Those free "YouTube to mp4 sites" are AMAZING! all you gotta do is click out of the YOUR COMPUTER HAS A VIRUS pop up page 8 times , refresh refresh download, and you MIGHT get a useable file!

right when I think im out they pull me back in

some of the wildest, most fun things i've ever worked on were collabs with kofie. as great as the finished products were, i can’t begin to describe his genius-level ability to make everything work behind the scenes. there is literally nobody else like this dude and i'm proud to have worked with him

Why my dog so good at getting out of bed but I’m not