the experience of going to a bar and seeing "oh we made a cocktail with reserve whisky and that'll be $36" is so fucking obscene

I’m singing at a George Harrison tribute next week. Anyway, I’ve done this show a bunch of times and grew up w the material but it wasn’t until today that I learned that the line isn’t in fact “a ginger sings with a pineapple whore”. So pin a rose on my education, here. I guess.

Watching old episodes of City Confidential. There’s something about Paul Winfield’s voice that makes everything better, even when he’s making dad jokes about murder and shit.

Just ate some black licorice to own most of the people in the comments

This Russian bootleg picture disc tho #thingthursday

This is one of the first stories we learned about in the MN history class I took in 6th grade and it still makes me laugh out loud.

Wowwww

Get your colonoscopy

What’s your most mundane celebrity encounter? I was walking across the street in SF and some random guy tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at Jerry Springer walking in the other direction and said, “hey look, it’s Jerry Springer!” And then Jerry Springer waved at us

Just remembered why I don’t eat donuts it’s because if I eat one I eat ten and then my pants won’t fit for a month. Anyway I stopped at two so 🏆

Lady has a baby. Nurse: what are you going to name him? Lady: Markwayne

Yes, it is. We've occasionally seen very brief closures of some airspace here when Ft. Bliss does drone training, but never the airport. This closure is spectacular, in comparison.

listening to the 4th album by My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult that I listened to in the car in 93 when going to school wasn’t a desirable option. Made it from St. Paul to Anoka one day because math class made me that upset. Anyway, this album sucks but I will love it forever. It is my friend.

A dresser inside a museum in New York City has been discovered as a secret stop on the Underground Railroad — the first of its kind discovered in Manhattan in over 100 years

Post Coital Crier

A reminder that there are many good dogs in need of foster homes in the Twin Cities. And some have bow ties. It’s free, it’s fun, and there are a lot more dogs in need right now because of families fleeing or being taken. www.thebondbetween.org/foster-dogs

This song will always slap despite the defeatist attitude of the band youtu.be/ufNvLuMHl1k?...

Post a banger that isn’t in English youtu.be/Bt9uuT6sZao?...

All American Halftime show is lit🤣 Masturbation fodder for weeks🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🤣

Any conservative is inherently bad. Don’t @ me.

The first time I got drunk was w Billy Jo. This is not a flex

Does this ever get old? Perfection youtu.be/YY2-mrsXgMM?...

I miss Killdozer

I had to take some Sudafed so apologies in advance for anything out of pocket I might say in the next 12 hours.

Most recent audiobook pal. I await your scorn

Fantastic !

Belly laughs are hard to come by these days

Wife. Jesus f you guys

Catherine O’Hara… she was great. I always liked her attitude. I hadn’t seen this in years and a fan shared it with me. May her memory be a blessing.

Without naming your job, tell me something you say over and over again at work. “You guys You guys. YOU GUYS!”

This Depression Glass candle holder has a new life as an onion holder

It’s a Towering Inferno/Sharknado 2 -double feature kind of night. This has been brought to you by living alone and doing what I want

I just got out of yet another thing I didn’t want to participate in and I feel light as fuckin air. More time to be upset about everything else👍

The Telltale Fart

What is it w conservative leaning people that makes them think the second they figure something out is the first time anyone has ever entertained an idea or concept? “I’ve been warning people since 2000 that conservatives were going to push a fascist agenda”. “You’ve” been warning? Got it🙄

A group of middle school girls walk down my block on the way to school every morning and I swear I’ll never have to set an alarm again: “OH MY GOD YOU GUYS OH MY GOD! CUT IT OUT OH MY GOD!” over and over and over at exactly 8:30. It’s the perfect way to start my day.

crying😂😂

It is really infuriating to see how misogyny really does unite men across the sociopolitical spectrum. And, in so far as the Epstein files go, they sort women into two categories: fuckable or irrelevant. When they near a hint of accountability they complain about not being able to make women prey.

3-Year-Old Willing To Die For Bluey https://theonion.com/3-year-old-willing-to-die-for-bluey/

Every fucking year the national prayer breakfast happens and every fucking year my feeds are full of bullshit from the national prayer breakfast. Fuck the national prayer breakfast.

I’m this many years old

Anne Murray, right into Fatboy Slim on the DMX @ the pharmacy. Fat Bottomed Girls or Bela Lugosi is gonna drop at any moment

Got my 1st nosebleed in 2nd grade. I sat next to the radiator where there was a huge booger, even the janitor wouldn’t touch. It happened in the hallway & by the time I got back to class the teacher had told everyone that I was the nose picker. Haven’t gotten one, since. Take that Ms. Yoch, u drunk.

Person you knew existed in real life, but didn't want to believe it: Republican caucus attendee with no qualms making public statement in support of the My Pillow Conspiracy Guy for governor of Minnesota. youtu.be/t_kJSL-R9Mk?...

He died with shit in his pants

The Keystone KKK is having a hard time

Elon Musk Asked Jeffrey Epstein to Invite Him to the ‘Wildest Party’ on His Island

This would get me in trouble

Machismo sees no color