I awoke in agony in the middle of the night. It felt like someone was stabbing a sword directly through my back shoulder blade... medium.com/frazzled/ive...

Calm your senses Remind yourself how you got here. No, seriously, how did you get here? medium.com/frazzled/ron...

“Soft play is closed for the day. No, that is not children playing inside. I know… very disappointing.” No disease-ridden ball pits for us today. medium.com/frazzled/bar...

Excuse me? Do I want a what? I beg your pardon, sir! medium.com/frazzled/i-a...

December 28, 3:35 PM: Dear Mother, thank you for the dark chocolate bar which I see you’ve now mostly eaten. Signed, your child medium.com/frazzled/a-c...

“Get the sound machine,” they said. “Number one baby registry must-have. It will be a lifesaver!” Spoiler alert: it’s not. In fact, it may just be the end of me. medium.com/frazzled/rat...

INT. DINING ROOM — DUSK A family of four sits at a messy table. KRISTY (age 37) and MARK (39) look spent. JIMMY (10) and AMELIA (8) stare at their devices. medium.com/frazzled/lea...

Let’s face it, teens aren’t great for parents’ self-esteem. Here are some very specific mantras that might help!

I’m good enough, smart enough, and people over forty generally like me. By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/dai...

When I started reading The Hardy Boys to my five-year-old at bedtime, I never expected him to get so inspired that he’d become a detective himself. medium.com/frazzled/isn...

Date Apparent™ is an exciting, innovative new dating app for working single parents who really do not have time for this shit. medium.com/frazzled/a-g...

The sun’s not up yet, but you’re awake because a tiny human sat on your face and asked you to come to the couch to watch Bluey. medium.com/frazzled/you...

Mother, please, you needn’t worry about laboring away over those elaborate three-dish meals anymore. Why make lemon chicken, salad, and fresh sourdough when Dad has the capacity to get a big bag of corned beef sandwiches from the deli next to his office building? medium.com/frazzled/why...

1. You have developed an uncanny ability to always select the correctly sized Tupperware container for leftovers to within one ounce of what is needed, never overfilling. medium.com/frazzled/fif...

Step 1: Accept that the pile of laundry has surpassed “pile” status and is one sock away from federal landmark recognition. National Park status pending. By @sadiebitters.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/how...

The Early Bird Their parent drops them off at least thirty minutes before the party starts for reasons that become obvious before the squealing of their SUV’s tires can no longer be heard. medium.com/frazzled/the...

You need a moment of peace. Your sensory bucket overflows more freely than your menstrual cup in perimenopause. By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/par...

Hello, Franklin Elementary Families — here are some tips to help parents navigate this year’s endless onslaught of school dress-up days. By @richiezabo.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/tip...

2. “I can’t tell if I’m using this right…. How do I — oh, okay. Never mind.” By @15thcgossipgirl.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/ale...

My latest for @frazzledhumor.bsky.social: ‘Alexander Graham Bell’s Historic First Phone Call to Thomas Watson, or My 11-Year-Old’s Attempt to Call a Friend With My iPhone?’ medium.com/p/591156e0f68b

Dear fellow babies, I’m here to warn you about the potty: Whatever you do, don’t use it. medium.com/frazzled/the...

Q: The other day, over coffee, my friend started complaining about her kids. Apparently, her son has a bunch of missing homework assignments, and her daughter is a teenager who is only interested in texting and TikTok. By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/wha...

Greetings from your child’s new daycare! We are as thrilled to be a part of your family as you are of ours. That said, before we provide pricing, you’ll be required to schedule an in-person tour of our facility. By @sadiebitters.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/wel...

I'm not a doctor, but

Your baby is five months old now, and a new decision awaits: Should you sleep train? By @robplotkinwrites.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/fiv...

Many Walmart calendars ago, in an Insurance Fraud Investigator job interview, I was asked how I produce supporting evidence to achieve results. medium.com/frazzled/how...

It’s true, kids. What would you say if I told you that I, Hilde Festerling, aka your mom, have a proven history of victory in combat, ballistics, and tactical hand-to-hand, and that yes, I am a top archery master? medium.com/frazzled/i-y...

Ten and two on the wheel, Caitlin, ten and two. You do remember what a clock looks like, don’t you? medium.com/frazzled/dad...

It was a Monday evening when I discovered an extremely alarming house lurking next to the grassy sports fields at a local church. By @aknott21.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/i-f...

So your kid expressed some interest in Musical Theatre... By @jordanlubov.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/the...

Do you know what the problem is with young people these days? They spend too much time glued to those damn screens! Kids need to get outside in the real world, but not in my neighborhood, because kids are loud and annoying. By @sarawhitewrites.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/kid...

Dear Parents, We here at school are selling Valentine Grams this year. Though junior high kids want nothing to do with their parents, we’ll deliver candy to your kid and explain in front of his peers that it’s a gift of love from his mom. By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/ple...

Dear Families, We’re so excited to welcome you back for another fun-filled summer of trying to convince your kids that camp is nothing like school. medium.com/frazzled/its...

“When could this have possibly happened?” I ask my equally sleep-deprived wife. medium.com/frazzled/the...

This one is definitely based on my own experience. Though I blame parenting, this might actually be a “me” issue. Maybe I just attract food stains 🤣

Surprise! It’s me, the food stain on your pants. And I can’t believe you didn’t notice me until you were out in public. By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/im-...

Dear School, I understand the two main goals of Sports Day are to promote physical activity for kids and community bonding for the school. I think those are worthy goals. medium.com/frazzled/ope...

I BelieveWomen who say their mothers didn’t prepare them for menopause. I cannot, however, relate. medium.com/frazzled/gen...

Click here to add CHILD to your cart. SHIPPING: Delivery date is unpredictable. By @inkfish.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/you...

I want a mom with a mind that’s unworried I want a mom who won’t say, “I know best” medium.com/frazzled/sho...

My first piece for @frazzledhumor.bsky.social! medium.com/frazzled/you...

Son, I’m not saying roll out the red carpet. But a basic acknowledgement, or even a grunt, would go a long way. This is not how we treat guests in our house. medium.com/frazzled/our...

Try: Should we move to Canada or to Costa Rica? Wow, we get two great choices! medium.com/frazzled/gen...

What’s up, my fellow fathers! Nice to finally be around people who also decided they didn’t want to sleep for the next 18 years, am I right?! medium.com/frazzled/att...

You believe your little darlings can do no wrong. You coddle them and cuddle them and praise them for simply existing. By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/you...

For a long time, we believed children learned to read by osmosis; put them in proximity to books, and eventually: BAM! They get it. medium.com/frazzled/why...

6:30 AM: The dainty pitter-patters of adorable footsteps cross back and forth over my head, rousing me from my slumber. The sweet sound of youth. Is there any greater sound to wake up to? I think not. medium.com/frazzled/a-d...

Obviously, if you have kids, they will for several years be ages 13 to 15...if you find yourself spending an excessive amount of time with them and their friends, say a whole afternoon or even a vacation, you should know the risks. By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/sid...

John: Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I don’t quite know how to say this, but I’m here because I’m happy. You see, last August, my wife and I made the most difficult decision of our lives. By @robplotkinwrites.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/the...

Thank you for seeing me, Ms. Murchison. I wanted to discuss my son’s award, or lack thereof, at the science fair. I understand you have concerns. medium.com/frazzled/yes...