Frazzled Humor
@frazzledhumor.bsky.social
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The Home of Funny Parents - medium.com/frazzled
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Call me Frazzled
over 1 year ago
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It is often said that moms have superpowers, and I know itās true, because before I was a mom, I was an auntie. And I was so bad at being an auntie. I was so much worse at that than I am at being a mom.
medium.com/frazzled/i-w...
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I Was the Worst Babysitter Ever
Super Auntie takes her nieces for a walk
https://medium.com/frazzled/i-was-the-worst-babysitter-ever-7f825e61d3f2
about 22 hours ago
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Dear Madison, I could use some help. What should a worn-out mother-of-two do when her daughter shuts herself in her room over another silly argument about getting her first phone?
medium.com/frazzled/ask...
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Ask Madison: The Houseās Most Popular Twelve-Year-Old Advice Columnist
Need sound parenting advice? Just ask Madison.
https://medium.com/frazzled/ask-madison-the-houses-most-popular-twelve-year-old-advice-columnist-8761216829e0
2 days ago
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As a therapist, my parenting style is a little different from the average bear. I know that while my son is in early childhood, the focus is on labeling emotions and co-regulation of those emotions.
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
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My 3-Year-Oldās Guide to Regulation
And other sh*t my kid says
https://medium.com/frazzled/my-3-year-olds-guide-to-regulation-070b8c8226d7
6 days ago
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āIām starting this timer now,ā I said, tapping my phone. āAnd if youāre able to wait fifteen minutes, youāll get another marshmallow.ā By
@richiezabo.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
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My Son and the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment
There was still hope for Noah
https://medium.com/frazzled/my-son-and-the-stanford-marshmallow-experiment-2897e4beaeb7
8 days ago
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Maāam? Maāam. Hi. Yes, I speak English, and I can hear you shouting questions at me, even over the screams of roughly two hundred children in the wave pool Iām supervising.
medium.com/frazzled/sev...
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Several Questions I, a Lifeguard at This Indoor Water Park, Canāt Answer for You
Iām a little busy saving lives
https://medium.com/frazzled/several-questions-i-a-lifeguard-at-this-indoor-water-park-cant-answer-for-you-5be3539ad222
10 days ago
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Ever have a day when you started to wonder if you might be a terrible parent? Well, as long as you didnāt tell your child that a monster lives in their closet, youāre probably doing better than meā¦
medium.com/frazzled/mon...
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Monsters Ruined My Kidās Birthday
Yes, she cried, and yes, it was 100% my fault. But Iām still going to blame the Paw Patrol.
https://medium.com/frazzled/monsters-ruined-my-kids-birthday-4b5d56184f21
14 days ago
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1. You entreat the nearest adult to immediately get you a meal-ready-to-eat (MRE).
medium.com/frazzled/qui...
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Quiz: Postpartum or Trench Warfare?
Sponge baths will carry you through
https://medium.com/frazzled/quiz-postpartum-or-trench-warfare-3512682630fb
15 days ago
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Reading the books for the first time as a parent is an interesting experience because the thing that jumps off almost every page is that the parents in The Baby-sitters Club do practically ZERO CHILDCARE! By
@aknott21.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/why...
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Why a Classic Childrenās Book Series Has Me Questioning My Parenting
Where did I go wrong (or right)?
https://medium.com/frazzled/why-a-classic-childrens-book-series-has-me-questioning-my-parenting-decba1a6a5f6?sk=8d3764755f3829bcbd0a3d8e44561301
16 days ago
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Noise-Canceling Headphones: Give Mom the most comfortable way to silence questions like, āDid you like my voice solo at the spring concert?ā
medium.com/frazzled/tho...
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Thoughtful Motherās Day Gifts for the Mother Who Gave You Everything Except Emotional Availability
Guaranteed overnight delivery. Because if it doesnāt arrive, do you even exist to her?
https://medium.com/frazzled/thoughtful-mothers-day-gifts-for-the-mother-who-gave-you-everything-except-emotional-availability-9e9da8573654
20 days ago
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My Dearest Wife, As I have just heard the crackle of the monitor, all indications are that our youngest has awoken from his nap thirty minutes ahead of expected.
medium.com/frazzled/let...
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Letters from the Front (Lawn)
Ken Burns: Parenthood
https://medium.com/frazzled/letters-from-the-front-lawn-908b4b50d8b5
21 days ago
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To matriarchs everywhere: it fills me with shame to say that before I gave birth, I failed to recognize your game.
medium.com/frazzled/oh-...
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Oh, the Places Youāll Pee!
A Seussian tribute to the mess that is motherhood.
https://medium.com/frazzled/oh-the-places-youll-pee-c66e0ac5a7eb
22 days ago
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I donāt know what led you to try it. Maybe youāre a tree-hugging vegan. Maybe youāre a trad parent worried that processed food might contain woke chemicals. By
@katieburgess.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/its...
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Itās Me, a Carrot Hot Dog, and We Need to Discuss the Nature of Truth
What do you suppose the Platonic form of a hot dog is? Because itās not whatever youāve turned me into.
https://medium.com/frazzled/its-me-a-carrot-hot-dog-and-we-need-to-discuss-the-nature-of-truth-20cb9da1019b
22 days ago
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MASON: Mason is a handsome boy filled with energy, curiosity, and a tremendous amount of contempt for you and everything you hold dear.
medium.com/frazzled/ple...
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Please Adopt One of Our Creepy-Ass Dogs. Theyāre Great With Kids.
Even the most disturbing dogs need a good home
https://medium.com/frazzled/please-adopt-one-of-our-creepy-ass-dogs-theyre-great-with-kids-b2a3f292546c
24 days ago
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Oh, heyyy, wow. Rhinovirus-C. Itās⦠good to see you. Itās been a while. Are you here forā¦? Oh. Visiting the neighbors. Thatās nice.
medium.com/frazzled/so-...
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So What, Rhinovirus, Iām Not Good Enough for You?
Nice to see you again⦠I guess
https://medium.com/frazzled/so-what-rhinovirus-im-not-good-enough-for-you-4c8d300139ab
27 days ago
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I didnāt deliberately set out to raise a child who would independently generate a fantastically viable scientific specimen, and Iām sure not going to apologise for it either.
medium.com/frazzled/ait...
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AITA: Entered My Sonās Lunchbox In The School Science Fair and Parents Are Pissed
An innovatorās price of admission
https://medium.com/frazzled/aita-entered-my-sons-lunchbox-in-the-school-science-fair-and-parents-are-pissed-13ad473e0222
28 days ago
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Dear Susan, It was Clara who told you about Santa and the Easter Bunny, wasnāt it? And laughed as you broke down crying. By
@robplotkinwrites.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/san...
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Santa and the Easter Bunny Might Just Be Kidsā Stories, but I, the Tooth Fairy, Am As Real as Itā¦
And I think you have something that belongs to me
https://medium.com/frazzled/santa-and-the-easter-bunny-might-just-be-kids-stories-but-i-the-tooth-fairy-am-as-real-as-it-e5f159aa0816
29 days ago
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Dear Mom and Dad, Iām reaching out because I just canāt take this anymore. Consider this an intervention of sorts.
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
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Mom and Dad, I Canāt Keep Playing This Game With You
You are embarrassingly bad at hide-and-seek
https://medium.com/frazzled/mom-and-dad-i-cant-keep-playing-this-game-with-you-4b60b31433cc
30 days ago
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Does being called ācuteā now mean she no longer considers me embarrassing? By
@jenniferhaubrich.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/faq...
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FAQs When Your Teen Daughter Calls You āCuteā
i.e., Does it mean youāre no longer embarrassing?
https://medium.com/frazzled/faqs-when-your-teen-daughter-calls-you-cute-cfe5697574aa
about 1 month ago
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My phone buzzes. I glance at the message while trying to remember where I left my phone. Erica wants to play with Em. Is she free this afternoon? By
@ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
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My Kidās Friend Shot Me in the Face
Thatās another playdate violation
https://medium.com/frazzled/my-kids-friend-shot-me-in-the-face-91e570be3e7e
about 1 month ago
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Good morning, First of all, I want to extend a thank you for all your hard work yesterday on the Inconsolable Tantrum project.
medium.com/frazzled/est...
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Establishing a Performance Improvement Plan For Your Lunch Packing
An Email From My 5-Year-Old
https://medium.com/frazzled/establishing-a-performance-improvement-plan-for-your-lunch-packing-93224830e873
about 1 month ago
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Deep breaths Remind yourself how you reached this position. For real, though. Why is this happening?
medium.com/frazzled/you...
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Your Stepdad Ronās Guide to Beating Chess Grandmaster Magnus Carlsen
A chess game offers a chance to connect
https://medium.com/frazzled/your-stepdad-rons-guide-to-beating-chess-grandmaster-magnus-carlsen-b25326319e99
about 1 month ago
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Always check to make sure no loved ones or prized possessions stand between you and your target. By
@robplotkinwrites.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/qui...
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Quiz: Am I Coaching Archery or Potty Training a Two-Year-Old?
I need you to visualize success
https://medium.com/frazzled/quiz-am-i-coaching-archery-or-potty-training-a-two-year-old-32818034bcb6
about 1 month ago
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Hair already perfectly cleaned and styled? Well, youāre in luck! Youāre a prime candidate for my cosmetology services.
medium.com/frazzled/i-a...
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I Am Toddler, Budding Cosmetologist
Let me just comb out these curls for you
https://medium.com/frazzled/i-am-toddler-budding-cosmetologist-7bc2c09774f6?sk=682627a6541caabf45ebe21f9fce1f59
about 1 month ago
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Iāve told my mother I need a birthday present for my friend. Surely, in the minute that followed, she ordered one. Itās not like she had anything else to do... By
@lilyehirsch.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/how...
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How My Kid Thinks Ordering a Package Works
Ah, the magic of mail!
https://medium.com/frazzled/how-my-kid-thinks-ordering-a-package-works-5e2d04988b89
about 1 month ago
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As your daughterās house league hockey volunteer manager, can I just say, WHAT A SEASON! By
@ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/you...
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Your Daughterās House League Hockey Year in Review
What a season! Start remortgaging for next year.
https://medium.com/frazzled/your-daughters-house-league-hockey-year-in-review-1ed887e3777b
about 1 month ago
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Another year. Another kidsā party. Yay me.
medium.com/frazzled/i-m...
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I Met the Mother of My Sonās Bully
And now it all makes sense
https://medium.com/frazzled/i-met-the-mother-of-my-sons-bully-e4309660044b
about 1 month ago
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Where should I send this? I wouldnāt want it left unattended in your neighborhood.
medium.com/frazzled/ins...
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Insults My Mom Worked In While Getting My Shirt Size for the Family Photo
This Vineyard Vines half zip should cover up your sisterās trashy tattoos.
https://medium.com/frazzled/insults-my-mom-worked-in-while-getting-my-shirt-size-for-the-family-photo-2327e615af86
about 2 months ago
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I awoke in agony in the middle of the night. It felt like someone was stabbing a sword directly through my back shoulder blade...
medium.com/frazzled/ive...
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Iāve Been Racking My Brain to Figure Out Why My Shoulder is Sore
Such is the life of a 40-year-old toddler parent
https://medium.com/frazzled/ive-been-racking-my-brain-to-figure-out-why-my-shoulder-is-sore-18e4982be16f
about 2 months ago
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Calm your senses Remind yourself how you got here. No, seriously, how did you get here?
medium.com/frazzled/ron...
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Ronās Tips for Your Judo State Championship Match Against an Inflatable Tube Man
Take it from your momās new boyfriend
https://medium.com/frazzled/rons-tips-for-your-judo-state-championship-match-against-an-inflatable-tube-man-1ee2312fc2d5
about 2 months ago
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āSoft play is closed for the day. No, that is not children playing inside. I know⦠very disappointing.ā No disease-ridden ball pits for us today.
medium.com/frazzled/bar...
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Barefaced Lies I Tell My Kids
Sorry, not sorry
https://medium.com/frazzled/barefaced-lies-i-tell-my-kids-9f4091b3bc2b
about 2 months ago
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Excuse me? Do I want a what? I beg your pardon, sir!
medium.com/frazzled/i-a...
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I Am a 12-Year-Old Who Was Just Offered a Childrenās Menu. Prepare to Feel My Rage.
Iām afraid youāve made an unforgivable blunder
https://medium.com/frazzled/i-am-a-12-year-old-who-was-just-offered-a-childrens-menu-prepare-to-feel-my-rage-f385765df894
2 months ago
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December 28, 3:35 PM: Dear Mother, thank you for the dark chocolate bar which I see youāve now mostly eaten. Signed, your child
medium.com/frazzled/a-c...
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A Collection of Thank-You Texts from My Teenage Son
Minor Notes of Major Gratitude
https://medium.com/frazzled/a-collection-of-thank-you-texts-from-my-teenage-son-0bea860b6609
2 months ago
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āGet the sound machine,ā they said. āNumber one baby registry must-have. It will be a lifesaver!ā Spoiler alert: itās not. In fact, it may just be the end of me.
medium.com/frazzled/rat...
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Rating the Sound Options on My Babyās Sound Machine
On a scale of āI hate thisā to āThis is about to make me go full Van Gogh on my earsā
https://medium.com/frazzled/rating-the-sound-options-on-my-babys-sound-machine-2d8c0ce499b0
2 months ago
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INT. DINING ROOM ā DUSK A family of four sits at a messy table. KRISTY (age 37) and MARK (39) look spent. JIMMY (10) and AMELIA (8) stare at their devices.
medium.com/frazzled/lea...
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Leaked Script of HBOās New Drama: School Book Fair
A parentās worst nightmare
https://medium.com/frazzled/leaked-script-of-hbos-new-drama-school-book-fair-6151c9478404?sk=3a3dd6c3ddca18d22f60198757e1a3a6
2 months ago
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reposted by
Frazzled Humor
Lily Hirsch
2 months ago
Letās face it, teens arenāt great for parentsā self-esteem. Here are some very specific mantras that might help!
add a skeleton here at some point
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Iām good enough, smart enough, and people over forty generally like me. By
@lilyehirsch.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/dai...
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Daily Affirmations for Parents of Teenagers
Positive thinking thatās somehow also depressing!
https://medium.com/frazzled/daily-affirmations-for-parents-of-teenagers-aa383156afad
2 months ago
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When I started reading The Hardy Boys to my five-year-old at bedtime, I never expected him to get so inspired that heād become a detective himself.
medium.com/frazzled/isn...
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Isnāt That Cute? My Son Is a Boy Detective
Thanks a lot, Hardy Boys
https://medium.com/frazzled/isnt-that-cute-my-son-is-a-boy-detective-44452f6d46e4
2 months ago
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Date Apparent⢠is an exciting, innovative new dating app for working single parents who really do not have time for this shit.
medium.com/frazzled/a-g...
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A Guide to Our Dating App for Working Single Parents
Introducing Date Apparentā¢
https://medium.com/frazzled/a-guide-to-our-dating-app-for-working-single-parents-2e4afa9ccb00?sk=e20e0099cdec9b2d54c26a7b3def96cc
3 months ago
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The sunās not up yet, but youāre awake because a tiny human sat on your face and asked you to come to the couch to watch Bluey.
medium.com/frazzled/you...
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You Think You Can Relate to Your Friends Without Toddlers?
Some of you have never accidentally brushed your teeth with āSparkle Funā flavored toothpaste, and it shows
https://medium.com/frazzled/you-think-you-can-relate-to-your-friends-without-toddlers-fee8211e8cdf?sk=7431207cd57a2273ba6380ae9b2ed78f
3 months ago
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Mother, please, you neednāt worry about laboring away over those elaborate three-dish meals anymore. Why make lemon chicken, salad, and fresh sourdough when Dad has the capacity to get a big bag of corned beef sandwiches from the deli next to his office building?
medium.com/frazzled/why...
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Why Is Mom Upset About Making Dinner When Dad Can Just Bring Home Corned Beef Sandwiches Again?
Nothing beats corned beef
https://medium.com/frazzled/why-is-mom-upset-about-making-dinner-when-dad-can-just-bring-home-corned-beef-sandwiches-again-2a79aa9c27f4
3 months ago
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1. You have developed an uncanny ability to always select the correctly sized Tupperware container for leftovers to within one ounce of what is needed, never overfilling.
medium.com/frazzled/fif...
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Fifteen Signs Domesticity is Lowering Your Testosterone Level
A doctorās visit and lab tests are far less accurate than these indicators.
https://medium.com/frazzled/fifteen-signs-domesticity-is-lowering-your-testosterone-level-51c098ed2cd3
3 months ago
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Step 1: Accept that the pile of laundry has surpassed āpileā status and is one sock away from federal landmark recognition. National Park status pending. By
@sadiebitters.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/how...
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How to Conquer Laundry Mountain in 37 Easy Steps
A story of survival and fabric softener
https://medium.com/frazzled/how-to-conquer-laundry-mountain-in-37-easy-steps-6984f5740e46
3 months ago
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The Early Bird Their parent drops them off at least thirty minutes before the party starts for reasons that become obvious before the squealing of their SUVās tires can no longer be heard.
medium.com/frazzled/the...
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The Guest List for Every Single One of Your Childrenās Birthday Parties
The names may change each year, but the stock characters remain the same.
https://medium.com/frazzled/the-guest-list-for-every-single-one-of-your-childrens-birthday-parties-f5c9f8a3b7ef?sk=0ed2ccce9581fd8672ca85c315303e6e
3 months ago
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You need a moment of peace. Your sensory bucket overflows more freely than your menstrual cup in perimenopause. By
@ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/par...
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Parenting Hacks That Keep You Out of Jail (Mostly)
Gentle parenting, with a side of vengeance
https://medium.com/frazzled/parenting-hacks-that-keep-you-out-of-jail-mostly-3c53f334d71d?sk=91d1f28df87d4da580039c636f51fda4
3 months ago
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Hello, Franklin Elementary Families ā here are some tips to help parents navigate this yearās endless onslaught of school dress-up days. By
@richiezabo.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/tip...
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Tips for Surviving the Onslaught of School Dress-Up Days
Stock up on pipe cleaners, white t-shirts, and your anti-anxiety medication
https://medium.com/frazzled/tips-for-surviving-the-onslaught-of-school-dress-up-days-6a9a89cb5d7b
3 months ago
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2. āI canāt tell if Iām using this rightā¦. How do I ā oh, okay. Never mind.ā By
@15thcgossipgirl.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/ale...
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Alexander Graham Bellās Historic First Phone Call to Thomas Watson, or My 11-Year-Oldās Attempt toā¦
Equally important milestones, of course
https://medium.com/frazzled/alexander-graham-bells-historic-first-phone-call-to-thomas-watson-or-my-11-year-old-s-attempt-to-591156e0f68b
3 months ago
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reposted by
Frazzled Humor
Mary Flannery
3 months ago
My latest for
@frazzledhumor.bsky.social
: āAlexander Graham Bellās Historic First Phone Call to Thomas Watson, or My 11-Year-Oldās Attempt to Call a Friend With My iPhone?ā
medium.com/p/591156e0f68b
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Alexander Graham Bellās Historic First Phone Call to Thomas Watson, or My 11-Year-Oldās Attempt toā¦
Equally important milestones, of course
https://medium.com/p/591156e0f68b
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Dear fellow babies, Iām here to warn you about the potty: Whatever you do, donāt use it.
medium.com/frazzled/the...
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The Truth About Peeing on the Potty (That Your Parents Donāt Want You to Know)
At least, this is what it feels like my toddler must think
https://medium.com/frazzled/the-truth-about-peeing-on-the-potty-that-your-parents-dont-want-you-to-know-f3b3952f8ca0?sk=d1c8bbb68ff524d6d570362dd5bbf043
3 months ago
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Q: The other day, over coffee, my friend started complaining about her kids. Apparently, her son has a bunch of missing homework assignments, and her daughter is a teenager who is only interested in texting and TikTok. By
@lilyehirsch.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/wha...
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What Do I Do If Another Mom Is Complaining About Her Kids, But My Kids Are Perfect?
Ask Miss Mom Manners!
https://medium.com/frazzled/what-do-i-do-if-another-mom-is-complaining-about-her-kids-but-my-kids-are-perfect-f72b606579ec?sk=e5a9cea6325b2f091217cbb62b90d828
3 months ago
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Greetings from your childās new daycare! We are as thrilled to be a part of your family as you are of ours. That said, before we provide pricing, youāll be required to schedule an in-person tour of our facility. By
@sadiebitters.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/wel...
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Welcome to Your Childās New Daycare: Side Effects May Vary
Thoughts and prayers for your immune system
https://medium.com/frazzled/welcome-to-your-childs-new-daycare-side-effects-may-vary-c9fb29ad8a80
3 months ago
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