“Come over here, would you?” I broke my 2-year-old’s focus. She’d been deeply entranced in the book she was flipping through, but this was more important. This was time sensitive. medium.com/frazzled/i-l...

Their ideal lunch is fruit gummies, a juice box from concentrate, and something that contains one of the dyes recently banned by the FDA. medium.com/frazzled/10-...

MOM (on phone): So, she’s just doing these really long, slow blinks. She says she can’t stop, but she’s three, so who knows. medium.com/frazzled/doc...

Parent: We’re in a bit of a pickle. Since 1971, 18-year-olds have been considered legal adults. But now we know that the human brain isn’t fully developed until age 25. We need to find somewhere they can go until then. By @jenniferhaubrich.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/how...

Summer ended a month ago, which means my kid just completed four weeks of carrying around a fully loaded backpack. medium.com/frazzled/sch...

Every day, I park in line and get out of my car to have loud conversations on my phone. medium.com/frazzled/inn...

It turns out the books are, at their core, escapist literature for parents. By @aknott21.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/a-c...

So many versions of the color black!

Sporty Chic: By wearing gym shorts, a dark-colored shirt, and a black hoodie, you can go from waking up to PE to class to lounging in bed without ever changing your clothes. By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/how...

Until this week, I thought it was just something people said. Everyone always told me that once you get your first kitten, your kids end up taking a backseat. medium.com/frazzled/as-...

What’s teen-ugh-splaining? You’d know it if you’ve encountered it. medium.com/frazzled/int...

Does your toddler like dates? How about a playdate next Tuesday? By @blythewrites.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/is-...

“Go hiking!” The other moms recommended. “There are some great trails by the lake!” medium.com/frazzled/tak...

I’m proud of who I’m raising! I think? And I’m most proud of their curiosity. I love their curiosity, I think it’s their most important trait. medium.com/frazzled/exp...

When I reached the back of the house to see what all the commotion was about, there stood my two teenage nephews bent over a 10-gallon bucket, their attention rapt on the contents, evil mischievous laughter rising to carry their newfound pubescent voices. medium.com/frazzled/my-...

My three-year-old son is a loser. He just doesn’t have that “it factor.” He lacks panache, his peers don’t respect him, he has a non-existent dating life, and it all reflects poorly on me. medium.com/frazzled/old...

New piece on @frazzledhumor.bsky.social that I’m sure parents will relate to.

Episode 1–7:00 A.M. The oldest of two toddler girls, a 4-year-old, has already been awake for 42 minutes. By @mikemiccoli.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/par...

For the record, I love love love kids theater. This is kind of inspired by the friends I have who may feel like they have to attend all the shows featuring my kids. There’s no obligation. In exchange, however, you cannot expect me to attend your kids’ sports stuff or know what a pop warner is.

Parents are told every day that whatever they’re doing as parents is wrong. There’s a better way to get your kid to try new foods, you big dummy. medium.com/frazzled/how...

Have you ever wished for that one perfect device that would sort your whole life out? Well, you probably already have one in your own home! And it’s free! medium.com/frazzled/the...

This past weekend, I spent $140 to take my three oldest kids to Sky Zone. I’m writing this to pay off the debt, so please read to the end. medium.com/frazzled/bef...

You have the right to remain silent, especially if your friend invites you to her kid’s theatrical production of Cats. By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/mir...

“She’s 27 months,” I cheerily answered the friendly barista who just asked me how old my toddler is. medium.com/frazzled/the...

Resolution: The kids will eat a nutritious breakfast every morning. medium.com/frazzled/new...

In an unprecedented landmark case, two siblings have taken their mother to court for what they’re calling “the most heinous crime imaginable.” By @allholls.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/kid...

Yesterday’s Sunday started wonderfully. Scrambled eggs with mushrooms for breakfast and coffee in the garden in gorgeous sunshine. medium.com/frazzled/how...

New one from me in @frazzledhumor.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/thi...

“I’m heading to the gym,” I said, tying my sneakers with the confidence of someone who once looked at a treadmill in 2017. medium.com/frazzled/i-f...

’Nother plane, Daddy? Yeeesss. There’s lots of them. It’s a lovely airport, isn’t it? And look — all the planes are animals… By @danbrotzel.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/thi...

Modern-day parenting is like a game of Whac-a-Mole, except the moles never go back in their holes, they’re always screaming for snacks, and everyone is constantly wetting their pants. medium.com/frazzled/all...

It’s hard to be a first-time parent. Internet search engines make it harder. One second, you think you have all the answers at your fingertips, and the next, the Artificial Intelligence overview scares the bejesus out of you. medium.com/frazzled/a-n...

Familiar wafts of spray sunscreen and damp bathing suit slap my nose faster than my daughter can say, “Guess what?” while bottlenecking the camp bus exit. By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/the...

Growing up is hard. Everything changes all the time, including the world around you, your body, and M&M’s, which now come in peanut butter and jelly flavor. By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/why...

Close your eyes. Open your eyes. Remember that you asked your young children to give you ten minutes alone. Close your eyes. medium.com/frazzled/med...

Object of the game: To covet and secure as much of your parents’ attention as possible, ideally at the expense of your brothers and sisters. By @danbrotzel.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/sib...

Father, I’m sorry, but we will not be moving from this spot. I need you to understand the seriousness of this situation. medium.com/frazzled/my-...

Thank you for flying with Tecknocratic™ (that’s Greek for “Kids Rule”) Airlines. medium.com/frazzled/now...

But what parents need are holidays that give more than they take, like these ten holidays that are not at all made up because they exist on the internet. By @jenniferhaubrich.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/10-...

Trust versus mistrust: Octo Pus You are a near-blind squid, creeping along the ocean floor. You lie in the centre of the trampoline and can only navigate on all fours. By @danbrotzel.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/eri...

My high school senior begged me to get a summer job, arguing that all his friends had one. But I’ve refused all summer to give in to his pouting and whining. medium.com/frazzled/rea...

Local father Marcus Thompson, 34, has reportedly achieved what the International Institute of Follicular Sciences is calling “the most significant breakthrough in dad-daughter hair dynamics since the invention of the scrunchie” medium.com/frazzled/dad...

‘So he was saying, right, we spend so much time directing our energy outwards. You know.’ @danbrotzel.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/do-...

Be prepared…the price of children’s books has soared. Say what you want about the sexual stereotyping in The Berenstain Bears, those things were cheap. By @gailgauthier.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/sur...

Thanks to @frazzledhumor.bsky.social for today's publication of my most recent #humor medium.com/frazzled/sur...

“It was so thoughtful of our American neighbors to commemorate the mid-19th-century land theft from Mexico by having their children blindfolded and sacrifice a paper indigenous artifact for candy.” medium.com/frazzled/how...

“We want to avoid any future dynastic disputes.” By @15thcgossipgirl.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/12-...

I’m a dad. You can tell I’m a dad because there are three women with me who are leading the way into this small, crowded coffee shop, but I’m the one pushing the stroller. By @bladefunner.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/im-...

Listen, mister, one more crack like that and I’m taking your phone away. Don’t think I’ll do it? Go on, keep mouthing off. By @todbrubaker.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/bet...

There's an art to caving to a teenager's demands. Read all about it in my new piece on @frazzledhumor.bsky.social . medium.com/frazzled/bet...