And then defends himself by confirming the, "I've been impotent since a botched penile implant" rumors.

I swear I got my series X for like 350 brand new this is CRAZY. Trump take Xbox

Until the current climate passes, I'm shutting down my trans ideology etched bullet Etsy shop.

Honestly I think the people saying repeatedly and passionately that there will be retaliation for this are doing more to encourage the retaliation than people celebrating

This BlueSky user 🫵🏾 doesn’t squat enough

Wasn’t Trump supposed to appear at 2pm today? Did that happen yet?

I’m hearing from my guy inside the White House that Trump reaffirmed his commitment to Christ at the 11th. “Odds of heaven are looking pretty strong” Polymarket stunned.

Sources from inside the White House say Barron seems to have grown 2 feet taller overnight and recently spat up a full human mandible

Sources from inside the white house are saying he popped like a fuckin balloon and it’s gonna take hours if not days to get him off the walls.

I knew Richie Torres was an asshole clown but I assumed he had more of a gameplan when it was announced he was going on Friedland.

We're a long way from 2028 but this guy is my number one with a bullet at this point.

Guys, I have a special & unusual request today. My cousin Sean is a union bus driver here in Los Angeles who was just FIRED in retaliation for saying he would not let masked ICE agents onto his bus to abduct riders. The fight is on to get his job back, you can help: actionnetwork.org/letters/send...

Gavin Newsom is a genuinely bad person - who once tried to pick up my wife! - and he is also extremely good at trolling Trump. Both of these things are true. He should not, and will not, be the Democratic nominee in 2028, but since we’re stuck with the man in California, let the sonofabitch cook.

I don't care if you know what this is, I don't care if you know who *I am,* I am directly asking you to repost this. I would like this to be Variety's highest-trafficked article this week, I am tired of hearing about Sidney Sweeney. Let's celebrate a good and funny thing that people worked hard on.

This is a wild one but, the original Men in Black is one of the best written movies of all time.

This is correct.

Sick of the discourse on this one. Fumbling a baddie is an important lesson in life. May all our sons and daughters fumble a baddie someday.

the reason Avatar made $6b is because we care about this man. we care about his story. we care about his family. we care about his world and all the wonderful things in it. and, of course, we all know what that is, and who he is and who they are and stuff like that. we get why theres water ones!

I am going to keep beating this drum: Which potential 2028 Democratic candidate is going to fully embrace nuking the Supreme Court?

“Grok, give me directions to Canter’s Deli” *car explodes*

This dickhead realized he's gonna get primaried by Landers and fainted

LA mayoral race gonna be a fuckin MOVIE

People who voted for Huda to stay on love island should have their driver’s licenses revoked

I was gonna make a joke about if an NFL GM ran their team this way they’d be assassinated, but then I remembered it’s very likely Aaron Rodgers will be the day one starter for the Steelers

Please don't, cartoonist currently drawing St. Peter saying "Norm!"

Monster Train 2 should just drop today.

I've never lost a dime in my whole goddamn life

Swifties have all the pieces to do the funniest thing in American history.

*on the phone with my wife* “We did it. We finally nailed the bastard.”

Had back pain for 3 days and I completely understand why Luigi did it

Workshopping the following take: Jack Reacher = what if a person with autism were a superhero? The Accountant = what if a superhero had autism?

White people are SABOTAGING the met gala this year.

Turned on the shower and my dog looked at me like I sold him out to the mafia

This conversation with @jeremyschmidt.bsky.social and @mihelicopter.bsky.social was so damn good I made concessions on points I normally would never drop!!!

While watching season 1 I obsessively read all the books because I couldn’t decide if the show was good. I think one time he hooks up with a 28 year old but other than that, you clock it every time a highly competent 41 year who’s taken care of herself arrives on scene.

Way too many members of Democratic leadership can't convincingly keep both eyes open in photos.

"The fight continues," Durbin whimpers to himself as Trump yanks his underwear fully over his head.

Mitch McConnell has been stealing Chuck Schumer's lunch money for so long that the Senator from New York thinks negotiating means giving up immediately and hoping they show mercy.

Balatro on gamepass got me turning into Leto Atreides II

Danielle on the Traitors make Hannibal Lecter look like a preschool teacher

ANNE HATHAWAY IS FROM DELCO

I don’t expect him to survive another episode but holy shit Boston Rob is the greatest to ever do it.

Crazy to me that everybody I’ve ever spoken to enjoys Final Fantasy X’s battle system and Square Enix never even attempted to use it again

Donald Trump has sat his ass hole onto a bicycle pump and it inflated him up until he popped all over. He is dead from that. --- 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘮 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘱. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘦𝘳.

Oh “murder is bad?” Cool how you didn’t constantly make this point as we wake up to dead Palestinian children every day

Ain’t no fuckin way the CEO shooter did all that to get caught in an Altoona McDonalds with the murder weapon on him

If you have physical access to David Zaslav, I want you to use your judgment and imagination

If they can do it to Matt Gaetz they can do it to you

Tupac was the gay Tupac.

Doug Funny ass tweet