@jesus if you want him, he's yours.

You can *spend* the rest of your life scrolling zillow and sighing

Endowment of 11 billion

*Dave Chappelle voice* My friend got hit with a sandwich. He got hit with a fucking sandwich.

We're so fucking back

Good vibes on here tonight. Has me optimistic for the jokes that will pop off when the orange man finally does what old men do.

Head in hands wondering how this could happen to me, the popular president who posted a video of myself shitting on everyone 2 weeks ago

I was told the trans rights doesn't play with the pta moms

seems good

interesting

IDK who the guy in the picture is but he's my new meme for every election result I like moving forward.

Dick Cheney died doing what he loved--having a heart attack.

anyway long walk 5 of 5 (morbidly depressed) hell dudes

Buffalo Bill tells AP he has buried the body in the backyard and is eager to move on.

lollll imagine being like, "Welp, glad we can now put all that behind us"

One more thing and then I’ll stop - Being a Marine veteran and then an oyster farm owner/operator are both life choices that frankly could be seen as every bit as affected and resume padding for politics as going to law school and working at McKinsey

The Jewish taboo against tattoos once again saves my ass because I had no idea that skull thing was nazi shit.

By JD Vance's logic, Platner was a kid when he posted this!

Is video broken for anyone else on here?

Eagles 4-0

And then defends himself by confirming the, "I've been impotent since a botched penile implant" rumors.

I swear I got my series X for like 350 brand new this is CRAZY. Trump take Xbox

Until the current climate passes, I'm shutting down my trans ideology etched bullet Etsy shop.

Honestly I think the people saying repeatedly and passionately that there will be retaliation for this are doing more to encourage the retaliation than people celebrating

This BlueSky user 🫵🏾 doesn’t squat enough

Wasn’t Trump supposed to appear at 2pm today? Did that happen yet?

I’m hearing from my guy inside the White House that Trump reaffirmed his commitment to Christ at the 11th. “Odds of heaven are looking pretty strong” Polymarket stunned.

Sources from inside the White House say Barron seems to have grown 2 feet taller overnight and recently spat up a full human mandible

Sources from inside the white house are saying he popped like a fuckin balloon and it’s gonna take hours if not days to get him off the walls.

I knew Richie Torres was an asshole clown but I assumed he had more of a gameplan when it was announced he was going on Friedland.

We're a long way from 2028 but this guy is my number one with a bullet at this point.

Guys, I have a special & unusual request today. My cousin Sean is a union bus driver here in Los Angeles who was just FIRED in retaliation for saying he would not let masked ICE agents onto his bus to abduct riders. The fight is on to get his job back, you can help: actionnetwork.org/letters/send...

Gavin Newsom is a genuinely bad person - who once tried to pick up my wife! - and he is also extremely good at trolling Trump. Both of these things are true. He should not, and will not, be the Democratic nominee in 2028, but since we’re stuck with the man in California, let the sonofabitch cook.

This is a wild one but, the original Men in Black is one of the best written movies of all time.

This is correct.

Sick of the discourse on this one. Fumbling a baddie is an important lesson in life. May all our sons and daughters fumble a baddie someday.

the reason Avatar made $6b is because we care about this man. we care about his story. we care about his family. we care about his world and all the wonderful things in it. and, of course, we all know what that is, and who he is and who they are and stuff like that. we get why theres water ones!

I am going to keep beating this drum: Which potential 2028 Democratic candidate is going to fully embrace nuking the Supreme Court?

“Grok, give me directions to Canter’s Deli” *car explodes*

This dickhead realized he's gonna get primaried by Landers and fainted

LA mayoral race gonna be a fuckin MOVIE

People who voted for Huda to stay on love island should have their driver’s licenses revoked

I was gonna make a joke about if an NFL GM ran their team this way they’d be assassinated, but then I remembered it’s very likely Aaron Rodgers will be the day one starter for the Steelers

Please don't, cartoonist currently drawing St. Peter saying "Norm!"

Monster Train 2 should just drop today.