Wait, the solution to the housing crisis is to provide housing? THIS IS MADNESS!

Who amongst us hasn't received fifty grand in a bag for a bit of honest work? Come on.

I will keep posting 'your mom' jokes until morale improves

You cannot understand US politics without understanding racism. It's impossible.

Notice: This weekend's Antifa® brunch has been moved from the Doubletree on Route One to the Radisson (next to the weed dispensary). Soros is picking up the tab, as always.

Very few people think I'm funny.

Infallible take

Jimmy Kimmel is a member of a union. It's time for that union to go on strike. Apparently, famous people are the only people this country will listen to.

Damn. I just got back from the monthly Antifa® brunch. People are hella nervous.

I think it would surprise a lot of people to learn that a decent number of people are leftists because of their religious beliefs, not in spite of them

Kash Patel has resting This-Edible-Ain't-Shit face.

Conservatives love to be like, "we're just asking questions!" Then the questions are like, "shouldn't we just kill homeless people?"

Ibid.

Best 9/11 in like a decade

I feel like I'm forgetting something. Been feeling that way all day. Maybe somebody will remind me.

Kids, try to live your life in such a way that they don't have an online debate about whether or not it's necessary to be respectful when you die.

I’ll have some words to say about the Charlie Kirk assassination tonight on @allinwithchris.bsky.social & here are a few preliminaries: open.substack.com/pub/slowcivi...

"Most political violence comes from the left" hasn't been true since they executed Che Guevara.

This is the line that Dems need to push. It can't be simply. "Political violence is bad" it MUST be "Political violence is bad and Trump and his ilk are responsible for creating conditions ripe for political violence"

WTF? I'm from Chicago and I had to look up where the hell is Broadview. Well, if la migra thinks they're going to shuttle people off to prison in Broadview, then it looks like we're gonna have to shut down the Eisenhower. If you've got the time available, get out to 290 W and drive real slow.

Damn. All y'all cops are about to be asked to choose sides. Let's hope they choose right.

Not to brag, but I am one delicious-looking bastard.

I'm going to be genuinely conflicted when I win the billion-dollar lottery, then I'm duty-bound to eat myself. #PleaseRankTheBillionairesInOrderOfDeliciousness

Imagine you're an elected official and you're like, "Yeah, we should be able to do corruption, because it's good money." Now imagine that's the majority opinion in the United States federal government. #StopTheWorldIWantToGetOff

Imagine you're a military pilot and your CO says today you've gotta fly over DC. "May I ask why we're flying over the capitol today, sir?" "Gotta drown out some rape victims. Show of strength for our Commander in Chief, who's been credibly accused of raping children." "Um. Okay. I'll get paid?"

Time traveler [meeting Alexander Graham Bell]: In the future, everyone will stare at their telephones all day long. Alexander Graham Bell: And does it make everyone happy? TT: Oh, God no. AGB: What the fuck?

Turns out he was Andy Kaufman all along and it was just a bit.

Yeah, you wanna stick me with a $30 late fee on a $15 balance? I'm going to get it back one $.78 stamp at a time (plus administrative costs) by overpaying my bill for the rest of my life. #StickingItToCapitalism69CentsAtATime

Elon Musk got a postcard from his penile implant surgeon:

Yeah, you wanna stick me with a $30 late fee on a $15 balance? I'm going to get it back one $.78 stamp at a time (plus administrative costs) by overpaying my bill for the rest of my life. #StickingItToCapitalism69CentsAtATime

#OtD 30 Aug 1948 leading Black Panther Fred Hampton was born in Summit, Illinois. He was key in forming links between the Panthers and working class people of all races in the Rainbow Coalition. At 21 he was assassinated by the FBI and Chicago police. stories.workingclasshistory.com/article/9670...

I won't believe Trump® is dead until Karoline Leavitt specifically denies it.

The 22nd Amendment does not address the rotting corpse of a 2-term President running for office, so it remains plausible.

TRUMP: (dies) DEMOCRATIC PARTY: this is a distraction

There are a lot of people in there that think the solution to the trolley problem is overthrow capitalism

Until we all agree to beat swords into plowshares, I'll take what I can get.

I accidentally prayed real hard that I'd live to see the destruction of capitalism. I should have been more clear. This is on me. #CarefulWhatYouWishFor

Next time I see a cop just standing around I’mma be like “If you got time to lean, you got time to clean”

We may not be turning swords into plowshares, but I have to admit this is a step in the right direction.

I accidentally prayed real hard that I'd live to see the destruction of capitalism. I should have been more clear. This is on me. #CarefulWhatYouWishFor

'this actually doesn't suck' leads directly to the conclusion that there needs to be a massive, civilian CCC-style public works program

Cuomo scavenger hunt, but it's just places all over town where he's groped somebody.

Whoever put the alphabet in alphabetical order fucking nailed it.

I hope everyone realizes that calling human beings “cockroaches” is *exactly* how the Rwandan genocide began.

James Dobson died doing what he loved - being a huge piece of shit person.

Let's make "Chinga la migra" as well known as Barbara Streisand.

It's time to stop saying [the latest offense] "is a distraction from" [some other thing]. The Trump® administration has no shame. They have no need to distract attention away from their crimes. They're simply committed to committing as much crime, corruption, and totalitarianism as they can each day

I’m so glad we’re all just character accounts and not real people.

Yes.