I missed breakfast and lunch and have consequently eaten ALL THE FOOD.

HOW VERY DARE HE!

I'm sure most of you know about this bastard thing already but I'd missed it. Just in case you have also been living under a rock here's some info about Microsoft using AI in Windows 11 and how to turn it off (because, of course, it's on by default).

I am spending today hiding from the bastard sun and the bastard pollen.

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I notice Blair is using the same fake tan as Trump these days.

Our entire economy is being artificially propped up by astrology for men: AI, crypto, sports betting, and prediction markets. It's an economy shaped entirely by male insecurity and lack of impulse control, and we'll all pay the price.

I am unreasonably delighted by the fact that I may be able to commission a book by a Japanese author whose surname is Kobayashi. I could tell from the meeting today that nobody else had ever watched Star Trek though...

Imagine being on the anti-trans rights side and seeing the gov change the law to allow trans segregation and thinking "Yes! I can't WAIT to go to the shops and film random employees as I harass them! This is the best day of my life!". You really have to be such a fucking loser to be transphobic

Me every morning: Is he dead yet? No? Damn.

I've just had an email from customer service person called Cortni and I want to find her parents and give them a right smack.

If Sainsbury's put a bunch of loungers in their chiller aisles and had a couple of people circulating with drinks trolleys they'd make a fortune.

The silver lining of having various creaky bits is that I have a dozen ice packs of various shapes and sizes in the freezer ready for deployment in this heatwave

I've been struck with the sudden need to spend the long weekend rereading John Varley's Gaia trilogy. Now I just have to find the sodding things. *looks at overstuffed, chaotic bookshelves*

Good thing to do if you’re cis also.

I can't believe how many politicians are saying "let's ban trans people from public life, but in a way that is respectful". Are you fucking thick? Who is this for?

Let's all raise a glass to Thomas tonight.

Yup same...

And, as is custom and written in lore, I repost this clip whenever it appears on my feed.

Racist Victorian ghost sues charity.

In things that I thought only happened in fiction, today I heard that my mum's mad sister's probate has been finalised and, due to an ancient incident, while the rest of us nieces and nephews got a small ££ one of us got a bucket and another a trowel (children of her late twin brother no less).

Of COURSE the signature's in gold. Pathetic.

Little reminder of where to send all those Reform leaflets back to:

I would say someone needs to hire a better coven from Etsy but I want him to die dribbling and raging after having been removed for incompetence.

Today's Worldle confused me greatly.

Next weekend I'm meeting old uni mates, some of whom I haven't seen for over 40 years. Naturally I've got one of those spots that never comes to a head brewing on my nose. Day by day it's just getting more swollen, red, painful and throbby. By Friday I will have the nose of WC Fields.

But... but... what?

This has made my editor's brain reach for a red pen while internally screaming.

ALSO, do you run, or know someone who runs a podcast or does interviews? Cos my calendar is FILLNG UP fast but I do love chatting to people, specially about MORTEDANT'S PERIL. So feel free to spread this far and wide or DM me if you want to do a thing.

Look at the President of the United Stares boasting about being able to sign his name. And look at the lickspittles giving him hearty applause as if he's a toddler who's learned to use the toilet (not that he's achieved that allegedly).

Well that didn't take long...

So basically someone who has his ear likes magic mushrooms and knows all they have to do is talk about how good it is for 'therapy'

I went to see The Pirates of Penzance (first Gilbert & Sullivan production after D'Oyly cart lost their monopoly) because Tim Curry was the Pirate King and Praed was Frederic. It was bloody wonderful.

Protip: never use the word “final” in a file name. The gods do not like it.

I just saw that oil prices have gone down because the idiot claims Iran had made contact and wanted “very badly” to strike a deal. My question to the stock market is HOW ARE YOU BELIEVING ANYTHING THIS DEMENTED FUCKWAFFLE SAYS???? Thank you for your etc etc etc...

I have spent most of today being absolutely fucking hopeless at the most basic of tasks.

It's obvious now you point it out. How could we have misinterpreted it so badly? /s

Ugh. Another day of waking up to discover that fucker is still alive.

In Korea, when the president declared martial law after midnight and erected barricades in Seoul, congressional reps from all parties ran into the streets, yanked ak47s from the army at the barricades, broke down the locked door to Congress, repealed the martial law order, and arrested the president

23 people could stop this genocidal war criminal. That’s it. 23. 20 Republican senators and 3 republican reps in the house and he’d be out of politics forever. But they won’t. They’re addicted to power. A drug so strong they’d rather see a civilization die than give it up.

I've been 'on hold' for an actual agent in a chat wotsit for nearly 30 mins now (their estimated wait time: 1-3 minutes). I've now started sending Blondie's Waiting on the Telephone lyrics every 2 mins.

So presidential.

I do not take booktok seriously and I never will. What the fuck you mean the epilogue and prologue “aren’t part of the book/story”???????

I just tripped over my own foot while taking a quick stroll through the local park and styled it out with all the grace of a cat being dropped into a pond. People laughed...

Disingenuous prick. He has embedded transphobia as policy. He has denied young trans people access to medication and support. His government has brought back a version of Section 28 against trans young people. He is actively denying trans and non-binary individuals safety and respect.

Double-tap strikes are acts of terrorism. Democrats should investigate whether or not the allegation is true. If it's not, that's great. But if it is, they should find out who ordered it and who executed it so they may be prosecuted during the next administration.