Can’t believe I’m the most beautiful woman here at the animal hospital waiting room.

I love when you go to the vet and they’re like, hello you seem able bodied, will you hold your cat child while we take their temperature? Everyone involved is going to hate it, and then we’ll charge in spite of not employing you for your services.

Has this been my worst Q4 ever? Yes. But did my thyroidectomy improve my singing by getting rid of those nasty nodules? Also yes. Karaoke, I’m ready for you.

Can’t share the music year in review thanks to the one song I listened to when I had a crush on a man.

My cat is not relatable only because she gives the energy of women who day, “My best friend is my mom. I tell her everything.”

On a subway where the a/c is on. Greatest city in the world.

Even the K-pop boys are writing about burnout, capitalism has clearly gone too far

Currently having to explain to people what thyroid cancer is, that it’s super treatable, that please don’t panic, that I’m exhausted explaining this, that I’ll be ok, and no I am not enjoying Q4.

I wish I liked the sad monster movie, but I don’t! It feels good to tell my dusty corner of the internet this! I have now confessed.

Imagine trying to explain to a drunk man at a bar on the UWS who Anne Carson is.

Mamdani going so hard for trans right and winning is some juicy proof that every dem that abandoned us didn’t do it for politically advantageous reasons. They did it because they’re transphobes and they will lose for it

basically every 2024 truism is dead. Trump did not build a lasting multiracial coalition or turn young men into committed Republicans. You don’t need to cave on trans rights to win. The pundits have nothing left to tell you.

Friends from out of state keep congratulating me like I’m responsible and it’s like yeah I was part of the collective! I knocked on doors and talked to people and tried my best! But WE are all showing up right now.

i'll tell you what, i'm enjoying this night of making my haters my waiters at the table of success

Damn, today was really an excellent day.

There goes my theory that Dick Cheney was immortal (his track record up until today seemed to indicate we were stuck with him for forever!!!!)

hug your war criminals a little tighter today

Good morning. If you're reading this, you've outlived someone who did heinous things. Good on you. It's possible. Keep at it.

If you decide, while unemployed and having an overwhelmingly difficult month to begin watching Somebody Somewhere, know that this is the right choice and you’ll be weeping.

Whenever people complain about the number of folks relying on food stamps, it is worth reminding them that SNAP is, by too large of a degree, a subsidy for corporations that refuse to pay a living wage and their political allies who reject public policy prescriptions to reduce income inequality.

let my haters be my freighters on the supply chain of success

I’m at the phase of a bad mood where if anyone is too optimistic to me I start to double down on my bad mood. This too shall pass? LIKE HELL IT WILL.

bigger affront than the white house

Yess it’s true my ex proposed to his gf close to my birthday, but come on guys, I’m sure he wasn’t consciously doing it.

I forgot that LinkedIn knows it’s my birthday, so I’m getting DMs from the wildest places. And this is what it’s taught me about b2b marketing.

So my famously apolitical mom who has tried to ignore my politics for so long has emerged from an era of radicalization to say that actually? She loves Bernie Sanders. I’m shook.

For my birthday month everyone decided to hurt my feelings EXCEPT for my dentist office which of course treated me like I was famous.

Don’t worry, I included an unemployment playlist in my LinkedIn post announcing I was open to work. open.spotify.com/playlist/2eO...

The other night I was stuck in an “I have to be the funniest person at this meditation circle” loop, and it was working, and the crowd kept laughing, and I wanted to be like no stop I’m being too much, I’m unwell with dread! But I was too good. I was too funny. I did not achieve enlightenment.

In twelve days, New Yorkers will begin to cast their ballots and face a stark choice. A choice between democracy and oligarchy. Between a city you can afford or more of the same. Between the hope of a brighter future or a broken past. We will choose the future.

Bless my friends who have invited me to do things tomorrow because the laid off Dread is rule, and the only real cure (besides a job) is friendship.

I love when people try to cheer me up when I’m sad, but they don’t understand how stubborn I am in my sadness. You’ve really gotta outwit me here. You can’t send me a reel or update me on something cute your kid did. I will remain firmly defiant. I simply cannot be cheered up by YOUR joy.

Last night at the reading series I host, one of my readers texted me, “ran into a situation, be right there.” Later, she showed up with a chicken in a carrier, who ended up hanging out in the brewery with us at the reading. To be clear, this was in Brooklyn.

Here’s what getting laid off taught me about b2b sales.

Listen I’ve only ever gotten laid off during the Trump administrations. Your move, MAGA economists.

I don’t expect a billionaire to write anything of the moment, but even the offer of escapist fiction in these songs feel too narrow for everyone to enjoy the escape. And I think that’s why I’m bored.

Every time I try to reduce my ride share dependency the subway breaks :)

Anytime someone sends me a reel feat. an elderly nun knowing hip hop or a Protestant bishop dancing around in her vestments I’m like I don’t want this kind of cool Christian marketing. I’ve seen my priest who actually is cool out and about in clothes fit for a European DJ. That’s cool enough for me.

I’m sorry, but it’s now time for me to recommend Amanda Shires’ new divorce album Nobody’s Girl. If you need a reset.

are swifties okay

Well. I like it better than Midnights.

I can’t believe I’m watching interviews of city mayors talking about how they are coordinating with other mayors to discuss how to protect their residents FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES I know we are “used to it” but it is absolutely insane

No actually I like how the Atlanta airport uses dentist office lights and weak breath to cool things down.

I’ve had a short story in active status with a great lit journal for two years, and today they were like love this, can you send us another story to look at too? This is a first for me (and will prompt me to edit a short story I’ve been holding off editing!). That’s a nice thing. That’s all.

the political policy cure for “male loneliness” is - more time to hang with the fellas (4 day work week) - more money to spend with the fellas (higher wages) - more things to do with the fellas (taxing the rich and building 3rd spaces)

I’m sitting in the airport, reflecting on beauty. And I think we have to retire the phrase “conventionally attractive” when we usually mean European white beauty standards. Or people who look filtered. I refuse to believe beauty is conventional in a world where an entire universe of fungi exist.

The city that never sleeps? Um, no, the ice cream shops are closed rn.

My best friend JESUS didn’t pick me up in his cool ride today, so I guess there wasn’t a Rapture.

I cannot emphasize this enough: The regime has overextended itself. It is vulnerable to protest and dissent. They have not consolidated power and we are entirely capable of keeping them from doing so. Doomers are not realists.

I remember three Brooklyn prides ago when a handful of Kennedy Democrats were marching, and I remember my hands stopped mid-clap, and I was like what the absolute hell are they doing here. I think about that a lot.