The other day the one elected official I know (a judge) gave me a pep talk about work, and he was like I didn’t figure out what I was really good at until 40. I was like sir I am 40. 😅 (It is sweet and awkward to get pep talks from the most random people in your life for like 8 months straight.)

Did I get a job offer because the Knicks won or because I kept having too much fun with like weeks of events nearly every night? Unclear which magic.

I’m no longer mentally ill. I’m successful.

Someone take my phone from me. I beg of thee.

The geese boy is at this coffee shop

Have to stop spilling coffee on myself every time I see a hot coffee shop person. It’s now going into tired bit territory.

Well, Disclosure Day was no I Love Boosters.

I’ve decided to be mentally ill for the next two days.

inshallah

My favorite barista, most likely high out of their mind, wearing a balloon animal head piece: And your middle name for your order?

Dance like no one is watching* *unless there’s going to be a ton of footage of you dancing and blasted across social the next day and you have to see your gyrating body in carousel after carousel

I’ve pet two dogs today. [Legally Blonde soundtrack plays.]

I told my friends last night I had two choices before me: get more involved with a certain leftist political org known for its messy internal politics, or join the canoe club that canoes down a canal that is periodically impacted by combined sewer overflow and other runoff. And which did I choose.

Some of my friends — I won’t say who — keep trying to stage some intervention to prevent me from dating men, but that is not the risk. The risk is me getting hung up on the worst woman you’ve ever met. Like, the Ann Veals of the world.

Pro-tip: just because you conquered one chronic illness from yeeting your thyroid does not mean you can neglect your other chronic illness and run yourself ragged for three weeks :) This is universal, I know.

I’m now at the point in my life where I invite and welcome a Jiminy Cricket or perhaps a slightly villainous spymaster of my kingdom to inform me of how to live my life. Will be accepting applications. Eunuchs may apply.

So I think the time has come for me to reread Infinite Jest. I’m opening the door for anyone who wants to read along. And yeah. I did initially read this to compete with men who never finished it.

I always try to think of the thing I’m going to say at the anniversary of my sister’s death, and with her tenth one coming up all I can think is like, “RIP, you would have loved Canva.”

Today one of my exes mistakenly thought I was open to getting back together, and I was like uh my guy… several reasons this would not happen including the time ya broke my heart because you asked your intuition if I would be the mother of your kids, and your intuition said no. (Well, correct!)

Sure the one time someone got a really hot photo of me it’s in front of my church and I’m with a priest. Meanwhile every time I lead my event series the worst photos of me are taken.

Saw my favorite baby today, and they army crawled to my phone, grabbed it, and tossed it. Yes. Liberate me.

I like how NYC is like oh you’re a bandwagon fan? Great come on in the water’s just fine 😃

that’s what im talkin about brother

Yesterday I was hanging out with someone who thought I was younger than they were. They are 7 years younger than me. I don’t know if this reflects poorly on me or not!!!

The G being delayed on this the day of Brooklyn pride when I’m trying to get to the book club I run is actually biphobic and I won’t explain myself

It’s officially too hot and I am not sure I have it in me to gay parade with the other gay Episcopalians this evening. Sad for everyone who was expecting me to get crowds chanting “gay church” like I did last year.

I’m literally inviting everyone I have a crush on to the two year anniversary of the reading series I host. And as a libra that means it’s a lot of people. If I can’t have a “too many dates to the prom” sitcom energy I don’t want to be there.

Why is my cat built like a linebacker.

Apparently my canoe camp was featured in the background of some TikToker doing a video on the Gowanus Canal. It was a cute video so it’s allowed. But this is why I can never leave the house again.

Show French people a Buc-ees and they will turn the Louvre into one

if the knicks win for the first time since 1973 we're bringing back subway graffiti and kicking out all the oligarchs investing in unused midtown terrace lofts. times square will revert to its natural roots as a porn emporium

It’s nice to feel collective joy.

GOOD MORNING NEW YORK CITY.

Maybe the vibe shift happened because I went to bed mid-game. Maybe actually the fate of NYC’s happiness depends on me getting proper sleep after a few weeks of not going too hard.

My distress call is whenever I start posting the little photo of Fleabag staring at the fox that’s off to hunt the priest.

Extremely nerdy episcopal stuff but like I just got our vestry to vote on a new investment strategy for our endowment that will actually grow the endowment and doesn’t include, like, defense and weapons investment. (I’m treasurer fwiw.)

Send good vibes my way today. By which I mean vibrators! Just kidding (????), I mean positive energy to fight months of bad luck.

ive seen enough put every member of the spurs in jail for life

Just spilled a full cup of water on myself at the bar. Haven’t done that since the last time I spilled a full cup of water on myself at the bar.

me observing wemby the human being out in the world: 🫪🤭🥰 me observing wemby on the basketball court: i will hunt you

Window open? Time to DJ for the neighborhood. I hope everyone likes sad songs!

I’ve made some mistakes this week! And I will continue to make more.

I have a lot of younger friends which is great. But I was like how do I meet other people in their forties if I don’t have kids? And it was canoe camp for adults. That’s where the mid life crises pivots happen when you live in NYC. We don’t want to drive fast cars! We wanna be soothed by currents.

Gonna start describing middle aged and older men who are expectant fathers as being on their fertility journey

Just saw an Uber ad that plays “I need my girl” by the National to show how you can request women drivers. Unreal. Unreal.

Bluesky users be like

Remember when I was canvassing last summer? For the now mayor? Wait no but how the hell did I manage to canvass that much? It was only five times, but that’s a lot for someone who hates the heat.

Me: I love da canoe. Also me: I want to puke just a little. This skeet sponsored by I should have taken my Dramamine.

Found the one couple at the wedding (husband and bisexual wife) where the wife was like yeah we should go do sapphic line dancing together. And the husband was like here let’s get your info. But what I need in situations like this is terms and conditions to sign!!!!