Naming my phone Keenan Allen huzzah

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How are the first-year NFL coaches faring three games into the 2025 season? @mirdashewrote.draftcountdown.com looks at the good, the bad, and the ugly so far. www.draftcountdown.com/nfl-coverage...

That and his March Madness bracket

Tonight’s choose your own adventure insomnia brought to you by: a. Thirsty af b. Getting upset thinking about the day LeBron retires Happy Friday 🙃

As concise as it can get

Okay the Rivalry jersey featuring *sand* for the Cardinals tonight is fine in theory, but like. They just look dirty as hell?

They're about to shut down the government to protect the Epstein Files from disclosure. Whatever is in the files must be so unhinged as to be beyond imagination.

What a weird-ass Rapture. Only the Constitution disappeared.

Nothing to see here. Just Tylenol’s lawyers warming up…🔥

Sorry hun. I know you’re spiking a dangerously high fever and literally cooking our child but Dear Leader says to take the Dr. Oz trial drug instead. It’s your body, my choice I’m afraid. Oh, and do you think you’ll be feeling well enough for the pro-life march on Sunday?

Those were the days.

😭😭😭😭

What a nice Christian 🥰

Brother you need a Lipitor after that high-powered, delulu rant

A neighbor just started their car and the exact sound was the starting sound of “Humble” by K Dot hahaha now that song is most definitely in my head.

Gupta: It is safe. That’s what the best-quality research shows. And how irresponsible, using the podium of the WH to put this out there when you’re not even offering an alternative. That is dangerous. An untreated fever is dangerous. Untreated pain in pregnancy is dangerous.

Me, every time I open my phone since January

Jimmy Kimmel on Tuesday:

And your tips on blending foundation, sir?

I can’t believe it’s almost time to start being hurt by hockey and football simultaneously

We are fast becoming a banana republic, with two standards of justice. If you oppose the leader, you go to jail just for speech. If you're a loyalist, you get immunity for your crimes. That's what happens in Iran - not the United States. This is a decision moment for America.

Let’s take a look at the Next Gen Stats and see if I should have another beer. Welp looks like a yes

Can we leave Rich in Cleveland

I don’t love the whole trap game excuse in only week 3, but methinks we sort of succumbed to something like it

This Bdubs is FULL of Packers fans I’m loving this!!!!

YES WE ARE PLEASE SIR

Best day of the week! #NFLSunday #GoPackGo 💚💛💚💛 #BeerMe

I’m sorry but an 11pmEST kickoff should be ILLEGAL

Watching Marcus Freeman from my couch eating 4 bowls of Rice Crispies thinking “he could love me” 🤡

Crying at Jason Garrett 😭

We know Youngkin won’t be doing that. He’s trying to get a job with the orange shape after his time is up as governor soon.

Areola Areola

Good morning I know that’s not the real John Legend lmao come on do we do sarcasm here?

That’s honestly my opinion on fast food 😅

Congrats idiots You’ve empowered irreparable damage for my kids and their kids Get me the hell off this ride

Holy shit you guys John Legend himself follows me wow can’t bring me down

Who needs coffee when you got a big ol chortle at 4:23am 😭☠️

Sometimes you start ‘em and sometimes you sit ‘em and sometimes you make a big GD mistake oh well

free speech but only if it doesnt huwt my feewies 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Who’s our big brave boy

I can’t stop laughing at all of the “The Summer I Turned Pretty” TikTok’s 😭

Ate cake right out of the container and used our lack of constitution as a reason in my head. LFG

Lmao??? You can’t let your daughter marry a good looking man?

Hell yeah brother Portnoy gets it!

Well we don’t have free speech protections either so let’s keep this shit going in America

Come on man 😭😭😭

Cc: my shoulders