the knicks may not have won, but alvarado falling onto bloomberg’s lap in Q4 may be the funniest in-game fluke ever

LFGGGGGGGGGGG

Slightly increase a band: Paramost

my evil neighbor george died. read his obituary here: open.substack.com/pub/madisone...

forgot to share this yesterday - but I wrote a bit about my new obsession, the seals and sea lions in San Diego (among other things) open.substack.com/pub/madisone...

back to substack, at least for this month! 🐄 open.substack.com/pub/madisone...

happy lenten season to those who celebrate, if I were catholic I would give up rickrolling so that I give up never gonna give you up

obligatory encouragement to read my essay about driving 15 minutes ahead of winter storm fern open.substack.com/pub/madisone...

feeling snailish today (more writing! a week’s worth since i last posted, in fact) open.substack.com/pub/madisone...

clearly by this and the bread scale, it shows that when I give myself a platform, I devolve into total silliness quickly. enjoy?! open.substack.com/pub/madisone...

posting my writing online for anyone to see is scary — which is why I'm doing it daily this month. read my chronically online ramblings about getting offline here ☞ madisone.substack.com/p/offstage-d...

HAPPY FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING DAY TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE

trying not to look at the polls *too* much, but even though the manhattan DA candidate i’ve worked for the past few months, diana florence, has not gotten anywhere close to winning, we ran a kickass campaign on a shoestring budget, and our votes outpace other independent races in the city!!!

between may and today, i’ve been excited about mamdani. starting january 1st, i will find new, surprising reasons to hate him like i do with all other mayors regardless of politics. this feels like the 5 days between christmas and new years’ on steroids.

more thoughts re: bread coming soon, but for now I propose the grape scale of secrecy, starting from wine casket and ending with raisin

"The Bread Scale of Triviality," alt-texted:

here is my first rendering of the bread scale of triviality (any suggestions welcome; I love thinking about bread)

just saying, we should totally bring back dramatic synth music in the background of every movie (like there was in the ‘80s)

Last: If you want a profoundly thoughtful and well-articulated argument about some of these issues, I strongly recommend M. Gessen's piece here. www.nytimes.com/2025/06/24/o...

my post-election thoughts: • THRILLED for @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social & free buses! lots to be done btwn now & november! • interested in city council 4 runoff (hoped that ZM win = no repub billionaire successes, but we’ll see) • are @bradlander.bsky.social and doug emhoff friends? they should be

happy father’s day to the very best!! if anyone was wondering, there is no difference between @mitchellepner.bsky.social’s online persona and the way he acts in real life. just as literal; cycles between the same ten phrases. wouldn’t ask for anything else!!

key takeaways of the 2025 tony awards: • audra was robbed • i hate a gimmick

hello again!!! this is my tony awards liveblog (as the youngest person on this platform, still, and more importantly, a stage manager/playwright/collegiate theatrical jack of all trades) enjoy!!!!!

Elon Musk 🤝 Teslas Exploding at random

A quick blog read about Target being removed as a sponsor from Twin Cities Pride + their Pride Month collection. 🌈 salvage-renaissance.com/blogs/the-sa...

I have achievements beyond being bsky’s first nepo baby?!?!?!

new discovery: my dad (@mitchellepner.bsky.social) looks alarmingly like tim from brainpop. followers of my dad, please confirm that you also see this, and do with this information what you will

in honor of the mass exodus of brazilian twitter users from twitter to (hopefully) here, we should temporarily rename bluesky to brazilsky

post-DNC thoughts (then going into hibernation): performance-wise, strong speeches, lots of fun. politics-wise, harris’ campaign has shown that it’s looking to connect more with “moderate” republicans than with anyone to the left of a moderate democrat. (1/2)

last night best night??!! welcome back to my DNC commentary

day 3 DNC!!! liveblog incoming (this is a lot of fun thanks for following along)

day 2 of the DNC 🤠🤠 stay tuned for more of my commentary as the night continues

hey bluesky, i am the rare 21 year old on this platform & i will be liveblogging the DNC off and on throughout this week

I am so proud of my wife (Mary) for the collaboration between her e-commerce upcycling company and Housing Works. Mary brought together talented artisans to donate their design talents to 100 pieces being sold through Housing Works. My daughter @madepner.bsky.social designed the Social Media.

a bit underwhelmed that the vp announcement has just been news anchors saying “so… uh… we have been notified that it’s tim” and not an elaborate, bachelor-esque ceremony

bsky is finally letting me upload pics—so happy father’s day to the best dad/potato ever & my favorite niche legal influencer. i love you! thank you for always supporting my creative endeavors, whether it’s a new play i’m writing or this drawing way back from 2010 🩷🥔🩷 @mitchellepner.bsky.social

I do believe I've found the worst funny joke on the internet.

IMPORTANT UPDATE!! baby clifford

🧵 ⚖️ 1/ FPOTUS has received a "Target Letter" from Special Counsel Jack Smith with regard to the January 6 grand jury in D.C. I am quoted by the New York Times in the linked article. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/18/us/politics/target-letter-trump.html?smid=url-share

yeah i said it